Wednesday 2 December
Friday 4 December
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
Bit delayed in getting the update out as I found out on Friday that Saturday was the last day for airmail Christmas post. As I don't normally start thinking about Christmas until a few hours before the event, it's come as a bit of a shock to the system - so it was a bit busy getting a few last minute things for my overseas pals and still be within the deadline. Anyway, the aardvarks have now been despatched, so I can rest easy until the day before the UK deadline!!!
Not one of life's scintillating weeks especially. However, we had the appearance of a decent amount of snow on Saturday morning and it makes a rather fine sight. We could do with some crisp weather and at last, it's arrived - rather that, than the damp muggy stuff we've had for ages this year.
On a seasonal note, Trude is getting into the swing of Christmas at school - it lasts all December, which probably explains why she has had enough by the time the real thing arrives. The only amusing school tale I can recall right now is when one of her pupils wrote about the Nativity "these three wise guys came to visit the baby Jesus"!!! Wise guys, eh?? LOL!!
We always like a big tree at home - well Simon and I do, anyway. In my case, it's a throwback to the days when my dad used to go down to the Smithfield wholesale market in Manchester and get the biggest one he could cart home. The objective was to get one so big that it needed to have top and bottom pruned to get it into the living room. The Christmas tree buying seems to be Trude's department and mostly we've had some decent sized trees apart from one year when a rather miserable specimen appeared - fortunately that wasn't repeated!!! Last year, Trude got a biggie and proceeded to entertain the neighbours taking some considerable time extricating it from her car - pity no-one had a camcorder going!!! Well, if she chooses to go out for these things while I'm asleep, that's her lookout!!! Anyway, she has refused to have anything to do with Christmas tree purchase and delivery this year - however, Simon has a Saturday job at a local greengrocers, so we should be in line for a good un.... watch this space....
The episode commences at Greg's flat. Greg is in the lounge,fast asleep under the covers. Sally is getting the gurls readyfor school. They ask her whether he is poorly. "No, he isn't"is her reply. She asks a bleary-eyed Greg whether he is gettingup. He tells her he feels awful, but her reply is that it is nothingto how she feels. She ushers the girls out.
It's breakfast time at Ashley's. Zoe comes down, much to Ashley'ssurprise - he thought she might be having a lie-in. She tellshim that she had a lot of reading to do and asks whether she disturbedhim coming in the previous night. No is his reply. Apparentlyit was after 2 a.m. and she had had a busy night at the soup kitchen- it was freezing, she tells him. He tells her that he had a visitorthe previous night, but she seems to be unaware of this. Ashleyinforms her that her pal, Ben, had come along and that he wantedAshley out of the way - apparently he is a bad influence "andguess what, I'm negative. What's he? An electrician, or what?"(LOL!!) Zoe maintains that Ben is alright. In Ashley's eyes "heflaming isn't. He's an head case and if you go along with thesedaft ideas, you'll be one and all." When Zoe replies thatBen isn't harming anyone, Ashley disagrees "except you. Idon't want you mixing with him anymore." That is like a redrag to a bull for Zoe, as she tells him she is being purifiedtonight. All she has learned, all she has worked for, is leadingup to tonight, she cannot just throw it all away. Ashley insistsshe must. She asks him why he doesn't treating her like a grown-up,instead of telling her what to do, she knows her own mind. "Ah,but do you?" and "yeah" are the final salvoes fromAshley and Zoe in this heated exchange, as Ashley realises thereis no meeting of the minds on this topic. He has to get back tothe shop.
At the Kabin, Nick is still trying to patch up matters withLeanne following her discovery of him in the nude, modelling forMiranda. It's only a job, like modelling for clothes, he tellsher, but she corrects him, it's modelling your body. He cannotsee anything wrong in that, he cannot understand what it is thathe has done wrong - that is it, she tells him, she doesn't knoweither, as he hasn't told her, worse than that, he has actuallylied about it, all that rubbish about being a lab technician,when the whole time, he was prancing about in front of a loadof strangers in his birthday suit. There's no prancing, he tellsher (yeah, right, wood doesn't prance, does it?), it's all deadartistic. "Yeah, that's what they all say" is her riposte.He tells her that she doesn't have a clue, the whole point ishaving to sit still for hours, it's agony, its not an easy job,he has had aches in muscles he never knew he had - "yeah,I bet you have" is her cynical retort. He is irritated ather making it sound so sleazy, it's all very innocent, if shedoesn't believe him, why doesn't she ask Roy and Hayley, becausethey turned up to the art class. Leanne is horrified at this revelation,"who else knows, the whole flipping street, by the soundof it, everybody, except your own wife?"
At the factory, Hayley is having a natter with Janice. Sheasks how she is coping. Janice tells her that Les should be betterby now, but he isn't. The problem is that the hospital have takenoffence to Les, they don't realise how much pain he is in. Theyhave obviously looked at his old track record and decided he isup to his tricks again. At that point, Mike Baldwin comes intoview, with Jackie Dobbs in tow - he introduces her as the newrecruit, who has started this morning and asks Hayley to showher the ropes. Hayley is chuffed to mint balls at being asked,but Janice has the measure of the job in hand - "rather youthan me" she murmurs. Jackie comes over to her mentor andimmediately asks what the fiddle is. Hayley is puzzled by thisquestion, so Jackie explains to her that they must have a littlefiddle going with the level of wages that Baldwin is paying themhere - they must have a way of making their money up. There isnothing like that going on, is Hayley's reply. Jackie attributesHayley's reticence to trust and assures her that she knows howto keep her mouth shut (no comment!!). Hayley insists there isno scam, to which Jackie replies "it looks like I'm goingto be treating you the ropes!" Hayley asks whether Jackiehas done this sort of work before - she has "years of experience.Have you ever heard of 'Strangeways' Fashions'" she asks.When Hayley innocently replies that she hasn't, Jackie explainsto her that she was in "the nick, with me best mate, Deirdre.Didn't she tell you?" (For the benefit of overseas readers,Strangeways is the name of a local prison in Manchester.) At thatpoint, Deirdre comes into the outer office and Jackie tells hershe was just "telling Hazel about Strangeways Fashions -poor Deirdre looks highly embarrassed.
Having got the girls out of the way, Sally is determined totalk things through with Greg, after the previous night's episode.Greg's mind is a blank, as he is totally oblivious of what Sallyis talking about. "Last night, for a start" she tellshim. He still doesn't have a clue, so she shows him her grazedand swollen arm. "How did you do that?" he asks her.She is astonished at his memory lapse and reminds him that hepushed her. He feebly responds that he might have lost his balance,it was an accident, he tells her, sheepishly. She replies thatshe knows what happened and she was sober. "Well, that'sit then, the booze, sorry, I don't remember. Was I a real pain?"is his explanation. Sally asks him how sorry he actually is, sorryenough to give up the booze. She maintains that he has a drinkproblem and that she wants him to give up the drink altogether.He apologises for the accident but points out that you have todrink when you are networking (now I know that Windows networkinghas had its problems but it hasn't turned me to drink, well, itnearly did once, but that was a hardware motherboard incompatibilityproblem - sorry, anorak mode off again). He promises that he willcut down and the problem will not recur. Sally warns him thatit had better not - if it happens again, she will be straightout of the door. Greg asks whether that is all she wants to talkabout, but, judging by her response, it clearly isn't, but hishangover is his preoccupation as he goes for something to makeit better (erhum... How about a gun? Put us all out of our misery,eh??).
Ashley is in the café, following up the earlier conversationwith Zoe. She is telling him that he doesn't own her. Neitherdoes Ben, although he talks as if he does, is Ashley's reply.When he tells her he wants to discuss the matter further whenhe comes home, she agrees, but points out that it will not makeany difference. All he wants is for her to postpone her decision,as he doesn't believe she has thought it through. She confirmsthat it is what she wants and she is ready for it. They agreeto meet up later.
At the café, Gail hands over the post to Roy. He opensit to find a letter from the Estate Agent, telling him that "inview of the fact that we have no response to our very generousoffer to buy the lease on your property, we have advised our clientto start looking for alternative premises. Unless we hear fromyou by December 10th, we shall withdraw the offer." Roy isindignant at this letter, they are not holding him to ransom.
Greg and Sally are still trying to sort out their problems.Greg is telling her that he is not trying to make excuses, buthe has a lot of responsibilities weighing down on him. It washis idea to start the business in the first place and he was theone who persuaded her to use her mother's money - he has to makeit work for her. "We both have" is her reply, "that'sno reason for you to go out and get drunk." He has to allthe hustling, make all the contacts, he tells her, he is the oneunder all the stress. She points out that it is hardly easy forher, being stuck in the office, sitting in the office all on herown, day after day - she has to make decisions too and she isthe one who gets the blame when she gets things wrong. He concedesthat it is difficult for both of them, but she is annoyed as shedoesn't have a clue where they are up to, half the time, he doesn'ttell her anything. He replies that he doesn't want to worry herand how she gets upset when things go pear-shaped. She indignantlytells him she is his partner, not his secretary, he has to keepher informed, for all she knows they could be going bankrupt.They're not, no chance, he replies. She hopes he is right becauseshe has put a lot into the business, and not just financially.All they need is one good deal, he tells her, to get them backon top, it's only a matter of time. Her reply is that this notgoing to happen being sat at home and asks whether he is goinginto the office today. He will be in shortly, after he has hadhis breakfast.
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at the pub. Jackieis holding court in front of the factory girls, reminiscing aboutthe characters in prison, much to Deirdre's continuing embarrassment.She refers to "Welsh Glenda" who "fancied our Deirdresomething rotten" - Janice points out that maybe Deirdredoesn't wish to be reminded of prison, but Jackie cannot see anythingwrong with this, "it's a laugh, isn't it, Hazel?" Janicecorrects her, but Jackie continues regardless, continuing to referto Hayley as Hazel. One of the girls asks her what she was inprison for, to be told it was GBH. She explains that some "softcow was messing around with her fella", so he ended up puttingher in hospital for 10 days and on the sick for a month - as toher fella, he did GBH to him, as well, although it "didn'tcome up in court, that was just between me and him." At thatstage, Roy pops his head round the corner and asks to have a wordwith Hayley. Hayley is relieved to see Roy and explains that Jackieis a friend of Deirdre's, but that Deirdre doesn't want to haveanything to do with her, how she has to look after her and howJackie has been in prison for GBH on a woman. Hayley is afraidof what will happen when Jackie finds out about her. Roy wonderswhether Jackie's spell in prison will make her "more, youknow, broad-minded" (some hope, Roy). Roy then shows herthe letter he has received from the Estate Agents.
Round the corner in the pub, Greg is calling someone on hismobile phone, to check on the progress of a potential order. Nonews there and we see him looking crestfallen.
Hayley has read the letter Roy has received and she agreesthat he shouldn't stand for it. He agrees he won't - "youknow what happened when they tried to put the rent up on Leedsmarket? Mr Marks wouldn't stand for it and neither would Mr Spencer.This might be just the push I needed to make a fresh start."When Hayley asks what is stopping him, he replies "nothing,except Gail - Stick-in-the-mud - Platt."
Greg's phone rings and when he answers it, it's Sally on theother end. Despite the fact that he is still in the pub, he tellsher that he is in a meeting, something cropped up. Mike Baldwinhas seen Greg and comes over to have a smirk at Greg's expense.He asks Greg how life is in the fast lane. Greg's reply is thatthere is a lot happening. "Really?" retorts Mike. Heproceeds to rub the salt in the wound by telling him that he hadheard he was struggling, and that he is history. He loudly announcesto the audience of the factory girls nearby, that if Greg werea machinist, he could offer him a job, "I'm just tellingthis ex-employee, we've never been so busy." The hurt lookon Greg's face shows that Mike has scored a bulls-eye.
At the hospital, Les is proving to be a difficult patient,as Martin is finding out. Les tells Martin that he is ten minuteslate - he is supposed to have pain killers every 4 hours, not4 hours and ten minutes, he tells him, no wonder they are notworking. Another patient calls for attention and Martin delegatesa junior nurse to attend. Les comments that the other person isprobably not in the same amount of pain and wonders whether heis receiving the correct dosage, but Martin confirms that Lesis receiving exactly what he has been prescribed. Les points tothe patient in the next bed and asks why he is not in pain - becausehe is on something different, replies Martin. "Exactly, Iwant what he's getting" says Les, unfortunately, in all seriousness.Martin gives Les his prescribed medicine but Les is not convincedit is doing the trick.
Meanwhile, the other nurse is attending a patient - the manin the adjacent bed, who raised the alarm comments, how his friendfelt ill half an hour ago. The nurse checks the man's pulse andrealising something is amiss, she urgently calls Martin for attention.
Martin rushes over and, in doing so, is distracted, leavingthe medicine trolley unlocked. Les leaps out of bed, helps himselfto some tablets from the trolley, swallows them and gets backinto bed, without anyone noticing.
Kevin is working on a car in the Garage and Jackie's son, Tyrone,comes along snooping around. When he is challenged by Kevin, hereplies that he is just looking around - furthermore, there isnothing in his pockets, as there is nothing worth nicking. Whenasked, he tells Kevin that he is staying at Deirdre's. He startsdiscussing the finer points of engines and turbo-diesels and makesout to Kevin that he has a quad bike. Jackie comes over to seesher son with Kevin and butts in to check whether Tyrone is pesteringhim. When Kevin starts telling her how her son has been discussinghis bike, Jackie reveals that he doesn't have a bike at all, infact, he doesn't even have a pair of roller skates.
In the street, Janice bumps into Sally and tells her that sheis sorry things are difficult for her and Greg, right now. Sherepeats to Sally that Mike Baldwin had been telling Greg, gloatingat how they are busy right now at Underworld and how Greg wasn't.Janice lets slip that this was in the pub at lunchtime and, infact, Greg may still be there. The look on Sally's face is oneof realisation that the problem is serious.
Back at home, Nick is still having problems convincing Leannethat all is above board between him and Miranda. She is concernedat the lies he has been telling her about what he has been doing,then she finds out he has been spending his evenings with a middle-agedwoman in her house, without his clothes on, of course, she isbound to be suspicious. It would have been different had he toldher about it, but he hadn't. Nick tries to explain that he wasmerely trying to earn some money so he wouldn't have to keep spongingmoney off Leanne. When she comments that he didn't have to lieabout it, his reply is that he didn't because he realises thatshe wouldn't have let him take the job.
At that point, Ashley wanders in looking for Zoe. Leanne tellshim that Ruth had called for her and that Zoe had indicated shewould be home late. Ashley is upset and storms out of the house.
At Greg's, Sally ushers the girls into the bedroom, as shehears Greg coming in. She tackles him as to his whereabouts atlunchtime. She asks whether he was in a meeting all day or whetherhe was at the Rovers. When he admits he popped into the Rovers,she asks whether he was there when she rang him. According toJanice, he was in there all dinner time and all afternoon as well,judging by the smell of him. Greg resents being questioned inthis way and tells her he cannot stand being checked up on. Shetells him that she phoned him because he said he was coming intothe office, she was worried when he hadn't turned up three hourslater - for all she knew he had had an accident. She asks whathe was doing in the pub anyway and his reply is that he felt roughand needed something to clear his head. He goes to open a bottleand immediately Sally pounces on him, she thought that they haddiscussed his drinking and that he had promised to cut down. Hetells her that he cannot take any more of this nagging. He snapsat her and tells her that her voice is going right through hishead. Sally pops her head around the bedroom door and tells thegirls to stay in the room. She comes back to tell him that shedoesn't want them to hear them squabbling, as they have been throughenough already. So has he, is his reply, he complains that shehas done nothing but nag at him all day, he asks whether she justcannot shut up for a minute, why doesn't she go and tell her preciousgirls a bedtime story? She seems to be more bothered by them thanabout him, he continues, no wonder they whinge all the time, theyare just spoilt little brats. He then throws the accusation ather that if she were more bothered about the business, then theywould stand a chance. She tells him that the reason the businessis going nowhere is because he is all talk, big ideas and nothingelse - he is an amateur and he always will be. That is enoughfor him - he loses his temper and lashes out at her, hitting herin the face. A defining moment has arrived and she tells him thatthis is the last time he will ever do that to her. He tries toreason with her, but she isn't having any of it. The kids poptheir heads around the door again and she goes to join them inthe bedroom. Banging on the bedroom door, he yells "is itany wonder I get drunk, your nagging all the time, you and yourbloody kids." Inside, Sally is hugging her daughters, cryingher eyes out.
Ashley has made his way to the House of Nirab. He finds thefront door open and cautiously lets himself in. There doesn'tappear to be anyone around, but he hears some music coming fromupstairs. Quietly he goes upstairs. There Zoe is undergoing herpurification ceremony.
Ben is calling for Zoe to be brought forward. He asks whethershe understands the teachings of their founder. When she repliesin the affirmative, he asks whether she wishes to become a daughterof Nirab. Again the answer is yes. She wishes to follow his pathsfor the rest of eternity. Does she wish to be reunited with thosewho have gone before? Yes, again. "So shall it be" isBen's command. Zoe is given some robes and changes into them behinda screen.
Ashley pops his head around the door. As the ceremony continues,he sees Zoe embracing Ben and that is too much for him. He rushesforward to try to break up the proceedings. He begs with her toget her coat on and to come with her. He is restrained by someof the other cult members and Ben tells him not to spoil Zoe'sbig day. Again, Ashley asks Zoe to come with him. Ben tells himthat no-one is keeping Zoe against her will. She is free to leaveif she likes and if she does, they will not contact her, thisis Zoe's decision, not Ashley's nor his. Ashley implores her tocome with him - without saying a word, she goes over to Ben andkisses him on his cheek. Upset that Zoe has rejected him in favourof the cult, Ashley storms out of the room.
Back at the hospital, the emergency is over and Martin comesback to attend to Les. It is time to take Les' temperature butMartin is initially oblivious to the fact the Les is sound asleep.This gradually dawns on him after a few seconds of not receivingany response from Les. He suddenly realises that something isseriously wrong and gets the other nurse to call for a doctorurgently.
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and credits
Episode written by Phil Woods.
All material is, and remains, copyright property of ITVTelevision.
Well, how was it for me? One of those, "things being brought to a head" episode. We reached the defining moment in the whole sorry Sally/Greg episode where she has had enough, having been the victim once too often of physical abuse from Greg. Not before time. The story still has a while to go as the business ramifications need to be sorted out, but there is no return after tonight. The House of Nirab gets its tentacles into Zoe, who has now made her decision in their favour, against Ashley.
Nick is still struggling to persuade Leanne of the innocence of his relationship with Miranda. Jackie Dobbs and her offspring, Tyrone continue to create hassles for all who come into contact with them. Les' escapade with the drugs backfires on him. I have to say that I am none too impressed with any of those storylines.
What else? Thanks to Roofy for pointing out a continuity error in today's episode. In the previous episode, Zoe tells us she is going to fast for her purification ceremony, but we actually see her innocently scoffing some food during the day. Tsk tsk! I wouldn't have noticed, but then I don't have the skills necessary to join CID (Detective police).
Soooo.... A so-so episode....
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in GloriousGlossop....
Regards, Alan
Sunday 6 December
So, here we are in December, at last. What happened to Autumn ? I have absolutely no recollection whatsoever of any of those fine, autumnal, days where the ground was dry and the leaves were blowing about and the sun shone, albeit weakly, providing a beautiful spectacle of burnt reds and golds and yellows. Instead ? Cold and miserable and above all, unbelievably wet. We have borrowed one of those leaf blower-cum-sucker-cum-shredder things, and it has sat in my toolroom for weeks in the vain hope that any of the six-inch layer of leaves in the garden is actually going to dry out enough to move about. Some hope. Let's all blame El Nino - it seems to cop for most things.
Sorry if this isn't particularly cheery this week, I've been a bit under the weather with the first of the season's viral whatsits. Friday was a day off work anyway, and I was supposed to be spending the entire weekend with my father getting stuck into decorating the kitchen. Well, that was the plan. The reality was that I flaked out on Friday afternoon, spent the whole of Saturday moving very slowly indeed from bed to sofa to bed again, and only on Sunday did some energy reappear. For about 3 hours. So I sat down to watch tonight's episode of Corrie in a rather drained mood, and at the end of it I felt even worse. The show has rather lost its way at the moment. It was a struggle to stay awake afterwards, but I'm glad I did so, because there's a truly marvellous series on later on Sunday night, by the name of "Cold Feet". It's easily one of the best things on the box at the moment.
I've been putting off writing this update for a couple of days as a result - I keep looking at my notes and no inspiration jumps out at me. Anyway, it's nose to the grindstone time. Sit back, buckle up, and read on...
[Oh, one last thing. If this inspires you to unsubscribe from the corriedays mailing list, please *please* don't reply to me - I don't maintain the list. And especially, don't quote the entire update back at me in the process !!]
On a seasonal note, the Cadbury's chocolate characters are accompanied by gently falling snow this week. Which was quite cute really, because up here in the Weatherfield region, we had our first real snowfall on Sunday night.
Act 1
We open in Animal Hospital, where the Street's resident Rotweiler,RLes, is none too well. We glean this from his gathered familyoutside the ward, patiently [or in Janice's case, very impatiently]waiting for news from anyone. Toyah and Leanne try to put a cheerfulface on things, but Janice is very worried at his sudden turnfor the worse. Like many folks, the word "stable" justseems to sound like hospital talk for "we've nothing to tellyou that you'd understand or believe".
Returning to the Street, we see the sun is barely up, as Sallyand the gurls quietly close the door to Greg's flat. Rosie thinksthey are off to Kevin's house, but Sally points them in the directionof the cafe instead. They'll get some tea and toast for theirbreakfast in there, with Gail.
The floodgates open into Les' ward, and the Battersbys swarmin. They are intercepted by a nurse who advises them that he hasonly just come round, and that they should take it easy with himand not stay too long. It's clear that Les is only just consciousand can barely respond to Janice and their daughters as they talkto him. [Hey, at least we're safe from Les trying to show anytender emotions...] When the nurse says it's time to go, Janiceturns on her and announces she's not leaving until she's had somesatisfactory answers. The nurse tells her that the investigationis still on-going.
Roy delivers two cooked breakfasts to a couple of early customers,as Sally arrives with the gurls. She is disappointed to hear thatit is Gail's day off, and decides they won't stay after all. Roysubconsciously fingers his left cheek as he asks Sally if everything"is alright ?", noticing the red marks that Greg's handhas left. Sally rushes off in a flurry of excuses.
Time for a visit to the aforementioned Gail's house, wherewe find Gail bemoaning the fact that she seems to be the onlyone in the house who is at all interested in going out to buya Christmas tree that day. We've not seen or heard much from thetwo kids recently, so it made a pleasant change for Sarah-Louiseto be given a brief line today. She announced, in a voice drippingwith couldn't-care-less-ness, that she was interested in a tree.[She's reached that magic age, where all talk is conducted whilestaring at the floor, preferably in a monotone. Emotion is carefullyquashed, unless it is being employed to complain about the iniquityof the situation, vis-a-vis the speaker. It can only be a matterof time before Sarah-Lou is banished upstairs forever, condemnedto a life of "playing her taaaaaapes".] Where were we? Oh yes, Martin is mentally elsewhere, worried about Les. Hephones the hospital to hear the good news, that Les is recovering,and the bad news, that he is recovering from an overdose.
More angst over at Ashley's house, where he is telling Nickhow he followed Zoe to the Foundation house the night before,and had witnessed much of the purification ceremony. Zoe comesin the back door, unnoticed, and overhears the conversation. Sheinterrupts, and Ashley angrily accuses her of snogging that Benone. She tells him it wasn't like that, and that Ashley simplydoesn't understand how important this is to her, and is misreadingthings. She drops her next bombshell - she will leaving that nightto spend a few days in a retreat.
The wandering Websters arrive at Rita's flat. The gurls aresat down in front of the telly, while Rita makes them some breakfast,all the while telling Sally that the failure of her relationshipwith Greg was pretty much what she had predicted all along. Shecontinues in a cynical, told-you-so vein, until she notices themarks on Sally's face, and is taken aback.
Ashley gets no information from Zoe about how he can get intouch with her - "it's a retreat, Ashley, you're not supposedto let everyone know where it is !". He begs her not to go,but she is adamant. Nirab is visiting the UK, and as the latestconvert, she should be there to greet him. [Poor Ashley, and poorSteven Arnold. He seems to be permanently playing worried andconcerned, and although he's really convincing, I can't rememberthe last time the poor lad got to smile !]
More cheeriness [not] over at the corner shop, where Maud greetsher first customer of the day, the gruesome Greg. He looks asattractive as ever as he asks for some aspirin. Go on Maud, givehim 5 bottles...
Janice makes Les comfy in his bed. [You've got dirty minds,you know that ?!] He tells her she's a champion pillow-plumper.[Oh, just stop it ! I'm only saying it like it is...] Les is feelingquite a bit better, but still not wonderful. Janice accosts thenurse again, to be told that a manager will be down to see hersoon. Janice swears she's not leaving until she's had some answersfrom the staff. Les looks a little uncomfortable when he hearsthis.
Sally brings some breakfast through to Rita's living room,for the girls. The poor things have fallen asleep in front ofthe telly, though. She sits down and tells Rita that Greg hadnever shown any real affection to them, but he'd often suggestedthey should go and live with Kevin. Rita figures this should haveshown Sally what kind of a man he was, but that perhaps it'd bea good idea for them to go to Kevin's for a few days, to giveSally a little time to herself. She can stay there in Rita's flat.
Gail and her two kids are decorating their tree while Martinis still contemplative. Gail can't believe that he's worried forhis own sake, surely he was the one who found Les unconsciousand saved him anyway. The phone rings - it's the hospital management.They want Martin to come in that evening and tell them "hisversion of events".
Intermission
Buy early for Christmas !
Act 2
Ashley, still searching for moral support in his crusade againstthe supporters of Nirab, is talking to Maud in the corner shop.The door opens and in comes Greg, again. The aspirins have linedhis stomach, and it's time for a bottle of whisky. "No, makethat two !", he says. Maud gives him a sour look as he headsoff to drown his sorrows.
Sally and the gurls, who by now look like a small nomadic tribe,have arrived at Kevin's house. Rosie asks if Mummy and Daddy arestill friends. Aaah, the innocence of youth. Sally goes throughto the kitchen to talk to Kevin. She tells him that it's all overwith Greg, and that she needs Kevin to look after the girls fora few days. He looks vaguely insulted that she should even haveto ask - of course he'll take his own kids in for as long as sheneeds. Like everyone else Sally has spoken to, it's not long beforehe notices the marks on her cheek, and demands to know if Gregwas responsible. Sally unconvincingly denies it, and says shehas to be getting away before Kevin has time to make an issueof it.
[Brace yourselves - six-pack alert...] Time for a trip to thecollege now, where Nick's art teacher is giving some of the studentssome advice before break-time. As they disperse, Leanne appearsdown a staircase, where it appears she has been watching proceedingsfor some time. She approaches Miranda, the art teacher, and tellsher she would like to join up as a female model ! [Down, Plowman,down !]
Martin is being interviewed by the senior nurse manager. Heexplains what had happened on the ward, when he'd instructed theother nurse to attend to another patient while he gave Les hispainkillers. This wasn't the correct procedure, where two nursesshould have witnessed patients receiving their medication. Martinprotests that quite often they have to do the rounds on theirown, out of necessity, but his boss appears to be more concernedabout covering the hospital than in defending Martin. He sayshe can only see 3 ways that Les took an overdose - either Martinmade a mistake, the other nurse made a mistake, or Les got holdof the extra tablets himself.
Ben has arrived to take Zoe away to the retreat. Ashley istrying desperately to persuade her not to go - he offers to takeher away for a weekend himself, if it's the break she needs. Bentells Ashley not to be so suspicious about the Foundation, andthey leave. Ashley looks tormented by his inability to get throughto Zoe.
Leanne is walking around the art class, examining many of thesketches, while Nick looks embarrassed by her interference. Shetells Miranda that she'd come down to check there was nothingmucky going on. Miranda shows her more sketches and asks her ifthey look at all tacky. Leanne says not. But then, they're not*him*, are they ? But yes, they are, Leanne. Deflating, Leanneadmits that some of them are quite good, and points to one inparticular. Her humiliation is complete when she learns that thisis one of the teacher's own works, which is then presented toher as a gift, signed and dated as an original.
The vino is flowing at Rita's, where she and Sally are havinga drink. Rita tells Sally she is glad she is thinking straight,for once. Anyway, she still has her Mum's inheritance to helpset her up. Sally's face gives the game away - most of it hasgone on the business. "Oh, Sally !", says Rita.
Back to Weatherfield General for one final visit tonight, whereMartin has realised that he left the medicine trolley unlockedduring the emergency in the ward. That's obviously how Les gotthe extra tablets. But his relief is short-lived when his managertells him that he should contact his union representative immediately,because the hospital have no choice but to suspend him from duty,pending the outcome of the investigation.
This episode was written by Maureen Chadwick.
It wasn't very cheery, was it ? Unremitting gloom from start to finish, I thought. Sally is hope^H^Hmeless, Martin's in trouble, Ashley is depressed, Zoe is nearly lost to the cause, Greg is drinking. Unseen, Deirdre is still putting up with Jackie and her son, Natalie is still in denial over Tony's involvement in Des' death, and Roy is in turmoil over the future of the cafe.
It's grim oop North, ain't it ?
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): **
I hope to be back on a more timely schedule next week, although it's going to be a bit of a rush as Mrs L is out of the country for the weekend, having a grand jolly at her employer's expense, while I am on child-minding duty. The kids are usually no trouble, but I do find being a taxi and meals service a bit wearing after a while !
See you next week, and take care, John Laird
Monday 7 December
Yup, once again it's Update time but it really will be an ultra-brief, slapdash effort this week. I'm quite bogged under with stuff to do at the present moment (well, 'tis the Season to be busy, et al) and, frankly, this episode doesn't even warrant more than a paragraph at best. I felt like I was watching some hideously overblown American Soap in which every storyline was about as far removed from reality as Dr Timothy Leary. Drugs, murder, beatings, abuse, medical malpractice, strange religious cults... *yawn* While I understand that times are indeed tougher than ever for the production team right now what with half the cast leaving etc, and I acknowledge that Corrie *has* been making a steady rise in the last couple of weeks with some excellent scenes, but tonight's Monday show was just atrociously pitiful. (Apologies if it seems I'm saying this every week atm! I'm not, honest!)
Scene one starts as badly as the episode means to go on. Theset looks gloomy and you'd have more chance of finding a smileon death row. A bruised Sally has come to pick the gurrls up fromKevin's house in order to take them to school. He wonders aloudabout what she's going to do in the future, whether or not she'sgoing back to Greg and then continues to press her for detailsof her bruise. She refuses to admit that she was beaten and thenKevin, tactful as ever, tells her he feels sorry for Blandfordas they're "both in the same boat... Sally Webster's rejects"!Then he tells her that if he hears that Greg has so much as laida finger on the gurrls, he'll "kill him"... (Somewherealong the space/time continuum, someone appears to be actuallymoving Weatherfield *closer* to Albert Square at a rapid rate...)
Over in the Hospital (always a great place for a laugh... ornot) Janice is visiting Les and looking very concerned about hiscondition. He tells her that someone is coming down to the wardto question him later that day to find out "what really happened"regarding his recent overdose. He also swears up and down thatNurse Platt was "negligent" and, needless to say, Janice,visibly softened by the shock of the whole string of events, believesevery word.
Conviniently, we cut to the Platt household next where a tenseMartin confides his worries to Gail about his suspension and berateshimself for leaving the drugs trolley unlocked. Obviously, sheis supportive (well, to the extent of sighing "Oooh, Martin"over and over) but he seems utterly gutted, convinced that he'lllose his job when Les starts inevitably spouting lies about thewhole affair.
Fred and Maud, meanwhile, swap an amusing bit of banter inthe Cornershop about Zoe and the Nirab Retreat Party. He wonderswhat a "retreat" is all about and when Maud explainsit's where "they've got nowt better to do with their timeso they sit around thinking about why we're here and where we'regoing next", he states, confusedly, "I do that meself...Mostly in the company of a bottle of Scotch, I don't have to goup a mountain to do it"! Natalie approaches the counter witha basket of groceries and Fred offers her some complimentary steakfrom his Butchers' Shop to help her keep her protein up, assuringthat she "won't get over her loss with lentils and brocolli"!She politely (and wisely) declines Fred's free steak.
"HELLO ALEC!" proclaim Rita and Sally in unison,"Cheers!"-style, as the Rovers' Landlord enters TheBig Red's Flat. They're both glad he's here because Sally needssome "business advice" or more specifically she wantsto know how to terminate the partnership between her and BlandfordEnterprises with a minimal amount of financial loss. His suggestionis that she "moves quicker than he does", get all thestanding orders stopped asap and take back all the stock fromthe office since it, rightfully, belongs to her as long as shecan get it and sell it before the Bland One does. (Is it goodadvice? Is it legal? Do I care?)
Back at the Hospital, the Senior Nursing Manager has come toquestion Les about the overdose. He asks Les to tell him "inhis own words" exactly what happened and of course, the BeligerentBattersby lies through his teeth and claims that he just naivelytook the pills that Martin gave him, had no idea that the dosagewas too high and then even so much as goes on to suggest quiteadamantly that he thinks Platty was trying to *kill him* becauseof the 'disputes' about the Platt son marrying the Battersby daughter...Gawd.
Kevin meanwhile is talking to Martin in the Rovers, confessingto be secretly very happy that Sally's relationship with Greghas fell to pieces and that he's got the kids back... Across thebar, Fred, Audrey and Maxine are ribbing Alec about the physicalside of his relationship with Rita and, as part of his protestationthat there is no hanky-panky going on, he tells them that SallyWebster is staying there right now... Quick cut back to the otherside of the bar, where Janice lays briefly into Martin about thestate of her husband, expressing her desire that a "properinvestigation" be conducted. *yawn*
Colin Barnes, he of the undefinable (and rather irritating)accent, knocks on Natalie's door, claiming he has some "unfinishedbusiness". She reluctantly lets him inside. Cue commercialbreak.
END OF PART ONE
Nothing new from the ads I'm afraid. Lots of Yuletide offers,mind you. Frozen prawns at 2 for the price of 1 in Tesco (wouldn'tSpider Nugent be pleased to hear that, eh? ;)), a diabolical coupleof cash-cow-milking Greatest Hits albums from 'artists' who wouldn'teven know how to so much as spell "Great" without thehelp of their marketing plebs, extra-value whipped cream for yourChristmas trifles, that bloody Boots advert again with the MirandaPeters lookalike and finally cheap telly rentals at Curry's ElectricalStores. Then it's back to the 'fun'...
PART TWO
Colin is wittering blandly (not to mention with some of the mostpathetic dialogue delivery this side of Adam Rickitt) about howhe thought everyone at Des' funeral knew "the truth"about his death and the drug connection. This was why he threwa fit and got so angry. He goes on to plead with Natalie to goto the police, for Des' sake, and tell the truth about Tony'sdrug dealing and all the rest of that dreary crud that I thoughtwe'd got rid of weeks ago. She is adamant that she *IS* tellingthe truth (but we know better...) and refuses to budge on it.
Somewhere on the streets of Weatherfield, Greg tries to withdrawmoney from a hole-in-the-wall using Sally's cashcard, but to noavail. The machine chews it up whole but unfortunately spares*him*... Meanwhile Sally and The Big Red One shift boxes of fabricstock out of his office.
Oh, and we're back at Natalie's... Oh, and it's still the sameconversation I described a couple of sentences ago. Oh, I'm asleep.Colin storms out and threatens to tell the police *himself* sinceshe won't do it.
Les, meanwhile, rambles away uninterestingly from his hospitalbed to Janice about the visit from the Senior Nursing Managerand about how Martin "tried to kill him" (In fact, inall the scenes that he's been in this episode, Les has said verylittle except for the same line recycled again and again) beforeenthusing that he's going to get some major compensation for thisand make sure the hospital pays.
In the poxy offices of Blandford Enterprises, Greg returnsto find all his stock has vanished. Sally, meanwhile, arrangesover the 'phone, from within Rita's flat, for the rental companiesto pick up all Greg's computer equipment too before suggestingthat she and Big Red go over to the old flat and pick up the restof the stock he's keeping in there to boot.
The police show up at Natalie's and tell them that they'vebeen visited by Colin who told his side of the story. Natalietells them that it's all a load of rubbish, that Colin's a nutcaseand, when they ask to speak to Tony, she claims she has no ideawhere in London he's presently living.
Back at the Big Red Flat, about a dozen boxes of fabric havebeen shifted from Greg's flat (eh?!?! Where was he storing theseexactly!?!) and Sally is relieved that she's slowly but surelygetting revenge on him. Rita quickly nips across the road to lockup the Kabin...
Fred, who is the sole shining light in this episode, is lurkingaround the shop chatting to Maud as he wants to take Ashley (whomhe refers to as "Weary Willy"!!! The only decent linein the whole show!) for a drink to cheer him up. Greg enters,highly irritated, and demands that Fred changes the locks on hisflat to keep Sally out. A conviniently nearby Maxine starts gloatingabout the failure of the Bland One's latest venture and, mid-gloat,accidentally lets it slip that the Silly One is staying at RitaSullivan's. Greg grins evilly in a B-Movie Villain-esque way.
In The House Of Elliot, Ashley bemoans life in general, wailingabout how upset he is that Zoe has gone on this retreat with theNutters of Nirab. Leanne reckons he should kick her out the housefor good but Ashley, who is truly devastated, wants things tojust go back to how they were, Pre- Foundation. Lee gets sickof this mopery within a minute or so and says she's going to visither dad in hospital. Nick declines (as he wouldn't want to beseen to "taking sides" against Martin) and gets an earfulof abuse for his trouble.
In a ridiculously dumb scene, the doorbell rings at Rita'sand Sally, naturally assuming it's Big Red herself, lets the dooropen. Oh no, it's Gruesome Greg and he's looking to slap her silly!Luckily, Rita shows up just as Blandford finishes his B-Moviethreats with "You're an evil little bitch!" and shethrows him out of the flat. He claims that they'll all finishtheir "little chat" some other time and leaves withall the precense of a deeply contrived horror film bad-guy. Sad.Credits roll, Praise Nirab!
As you can tell by the tone of this Update (which I won't lower myself to again), I was horrified by the dire state of the episode. For me, the reason why I watch Corrie and don't tend to bother with any of the other soaps is because it's always has a certain quaint side to it, an endearing nature and the ability to warm the cockles of the heart et al. Tonight's show was as quaint as Piccadilly Circus, as endearing as Tony Blair and about as warm as a cryogenic chamber. As I said at the start, it played like an American soap, all over-the-top, unsympathetic characters and absurdly implausible plot twists.
But I'm not going to dwell on it. I'll just hope for the best in coming episodes and leave on a good note, with a friendly reminder that this coming weekend is the date of the Christmas Mini-Ping in Manchester, which of course is the Yuletide little get-together of Corrie net-fans. If you're interested in coming (or just interested in seeing a particularly well-designed website with lots of piccies and info about Manchester on it!) take a look at http://www.coronation-street.freeserve.co.uk/xmas98/ where you'll find all the details about where, when, who and what it's all about. :)
Til next time, take care!
The Rattler
This Update was sponsored by Scott4 (what I was listening to) and Stella Artois (what I would'vebeen drinking if I hadn't been too busy gargling vitriol aboutthe state of the show! ;))Wednesday 9 December
It's that time again... And as splendid a time to stay indoors and do the update as it's been raining pretty solidly here for two days, it's December with a vengeance, Christmas is almost upon us and I really ought to stir myself to do something about it. I don't know about you - I hate the run-up the Christmas with the crowds and the tacky music in all the shops. But actually I do like the day itself, very much. Everything is suddenly so quiet, and very peaceful. Anyway, enough of this because I have another update to do before the big day, so I'm being premature. Oh, I just thought I'd remark that the Street got an honourable mention in the course of my civic duties - yesterday as I was doing my monthly stint as Chair of Central Area Planning Committee, an officer mentioned that somebody has been stealing the granite setts from Gas Ferry Road, where the major Harbourside development is going on. A giggle and a mutter of "Les Battersby!" from the public gallery.
Enough - it's time to get on with the matter in hand,which is last night's episode. So, with a nod to the romanticchocolate couple who signify sponsorship by (the lady loves) Cadbury'sMilk Tray - and I'm still waiting to be serenaded outside *my*front door by a romantic young man - we'll eavesdrop without furtherhesitation in Rita's flat.Where we find Sally sitting despondently with her headin her hands amongst the boxes of knickers, as Rita brings incups of tea. Sally apologises for the clutter, one assumes forthe umpteenth time, but Rita declares stoically that she reallydoesn't mind. "The remains of our business; the remains ofall my hopes" broods Sally. Rita is in more pragmatic mood,"Is there anything else we should be nailing down?"she enquires. Sally doesn't think there's anything left, Greghas got all the money he can take. Unable to resist being nosey,Rita tentatively asks how much is left out of her Mam's legacy,and Sally sheepishly confesses that of nearly fifty thousand,not much more than ten remains. She doesn't think Greg got tokeep much as most of it went on the office, bills, legal fees(though she hasn't noticed how much he's actually squandered)."All that money, gone!" sighs our Sal, "How couldI have been so stupid?". Rita is keen that Sally should putthe past behind her now and learn from her mistakes. And meaningfully,"I don't know if Kevin features in any of your plans - orif you feature in any of Kevin's".Toyah is in the cafe, buying fairy cakes for Les fromGail. It is not a comfortable encounter. "Well, I hope theychoke him" says Gail, rather bitterly. Toyah, not surprisingly,is outraged; "That's a rotten thing to say!" she chides.Gail can't resist coming back at Toyah, it certainly wasn't Martin'sfault that Les nearly died. But for a moment at least she realisesthat despite the depth of her bitterness it's wrong to take itout on Toyah. But Toyah just needles her some more; "Look,it's not my fault that Martin made a mistake", which throwsGail back on the defensive. With rising anger, she suggests thatthe only mistake Martin made was turning his back on Les whilehe stole dangerous drugs. "Your father's had Martin turnedout of a job he loves so that he can con the hospital out of compensation".Toyah has had enough, without another word she sweeps up the cakesand flounces out of the cafe.Kevin, over at the garage, is inspecting a freshly-washedcar. "OK Captain," he says, "you've done a goodjob there - quid we said warn't it?" The camera cuts to aclose-up of young Tyrone Dobbs, on the make, who thought Kevinhad said two quid. Now Kevin's may not be the sharpest intellecton the Street but he's wise to this one - perhaps as a kid hepulled the same stunt. "Well, what you thought was wrong- what you said was "clean this car for a quid Mister?"" As Tyrone has done a good job, he might get £1.50next time, which seems to please the lad, who is immediately distracted,looking over his shoulder, by the sight of Toyah walking up toher front door and letting herself in. "'ey, 'oo's that baird?"he demands. Kevin, smiling indulgently, tells him who it is, butoffers some advice: "Better stay away from her though, she'sbad news. Whole family's bad news. Fancy her?" Tyrone doesn't.He doesn't bother with women, apparently. But he has worked outalready that he's never seen anybody going into number 7, andasks about this. Kevin explains that it belongs to a bloke calledCurly, who was wanted by the police so he did a runner. But "he'snot wanted any more. Good bloke and all. Only thing we know forsure is, he's gone abroad somewhere, so the police can't tellhim he's not wanted". But Tyrone's attention span has beenlong exhausted. While Kevin has been speaking we've been ableto observe the tall black youth swaggering up behind Tyrone -evidently a friend of his, the newcomer clearly makes Tyrone loseall interest in Kevin, and the pair go straight off together armin arm. Kevin looks on after them, amused. "Shouldn't youtwo be in school?" he calls.In the corner shop, Ashley is pouring out his soulto Maude; behind his shoulder we see the Christmas hamper displayedprominently with its pink Day-Glo label. "It's no good,"he moans, "I can't help wondering what those people are doingto my Zoe". Maude as ever is ready with sound practical advice.She went on retreat of her own accord. "I know," complainsAshley, "but they got her that mixed-up she doesn't knowwhat's right any more". "Well," opines Maude, ifwe're talking straight, she never did have much grasp of rightor wrong". At this moment, up to the counter looms that otherever-ready source of auntish advice, Audrey, with a carton ofmilk. "Well, that's true, you must admit that Ashley"she intrudes gloomily. Ashley becomes prickly. It doesn't stophim being worried about her. But Audrey insists "well, thatdoes your heart more credit than your head. Maude's right, she'sno good for you". Maude denies vigorously that she said anysuch thing.The dispute is curtailed by the click of the shop door;it's Fred. "AUDREY LOVE, MY LITTLE TEAM TAKING GOOD CAREOF YOU?" he beams. Maude offers to sell Audrey a raffle ticket,but Fred grits his teeth as Audrey blithely tells Maude that she'salready got hers. Maude looks suspiciously at Audrey, she doesn'tremember selling her any tickets, but Audrey attempts to put herright. "No, no, actually it was Fred..." "...WHOURGED YOU TO BUY ONE" intervenes the jolly butcher, pointedlyand loudly. "ASHLEY, DID YOU SELL COUNCILLOR MRS ROBERTSA RAFFLE TICKET?", fixing Ashley with a menacing glare. Ashley,tactfully, can't remember. "WELL THAT'S SETTLED THEN, BYEBYE AUDREY, DON'T FORGET YOUR MILK" as the hapless Audreyis hustled out of the door, with Fred hurling Maude a stare thatwould freeze the Ladybower Reservoir solid and crumble the iceto dust.On the ward at Weatherfield General, a pony-tailedfemale nurse (I thought they had to keep their hair neatly up?)is doing her best to ignore Les Battersby while maintaining herprofessional dignity as Les demonstrates his selfless public-spiritedness- he's more than happy to make himself available as a guinea-pigfor experiments with "that Viagra". He switches to acaring father mode as Toyah approaches down the ward. Toyah asksif he's had his dinner yet, and this sets Les off on a whine abouthow he had it halfway through the morning, and how the NHS systemwas geared to the needs of staff with customers like him cominglast. Toyah's offer of fairy cakes will be a welcome relief andhe perks up - he's coming home tomorrow. "Great!" saysToyah, "Are you feeling better?" But Les remembers he'ssupposed to have been damaged. "Better than I was",he complains pitifully, "But I'll never be what I used tobe". Toyah looks concerned. Les reckons they've ruined hisbest years, probably shortened his life, he'll be wanting a lotof compensation for that. Toyah wants to ask him something, whichmakes Les come the caring father once again. "Feel free,that's what fathers are for". But she doesn't want advice,she wants a straight answer, did he nick some pills while MartinPlatt wasn't looking? This is the cue for an outburst of righteousindignation. "Is that what he's saying? That's criminal libelthat is! It's a load of rubbish. It's Martin Platt trying to coverhimself. And if that's not Godde's honest truth, may I choke onthis fairy cake". Which he bites into with all the relishof a man in the full bloom of life, and doesn't seem to be choking.The Street is seen reflected in Natalie's glass dooras a shifty figure bangs hard on the glass. A glimpse of croppedperoxide hair tells us that it's Tony, back in town. We see theshadowy figure of Natalie hesitate behind the glass before warilyopening the door, looking frostily at her son. Cut to a close-upof Tony framed in the doorway looking shiftily aggressive, andrather frightened. They glower meaningfully at each other. (Thisscene and other related ones in this episode are characterisedby long meaningful silences - as if they were scripted by HaroldPinter, I couldn't help thinking). At length Natalie breaks thebrooding silence, challenging. "What are you doing here?".Tony is lost for words. "Can I come in?". If you must,says Natalie, grudgingly. Oh, the tension, the pent-up passion!He goes inside as she looks resigned. There's another long silence."Don't look like that Mum, you look as if you can't standthe sight of me". Well, can you blame her? "What thehell do you expect, Tony?" she fires back, "The redcarpet?". Tony protests that he had to see her to see ifshe was OK, he's been really worried about her. "Oh yeah?"ripostes Natalie, shouting now. "When have you worried aboutanybody but yourself?" "It's the truth!" he pleads,tearfully. Yes, he knows she blames him for what happened to Desand he wishes it hadn't happened but he can't turn back the clock.Natalie is increasingly despairing. "Des is dead, Tony, becauseof what you did, because of the drugs you were buying and selling,and because of the company you were keeping and falling out with!".Tony is struggling to fight back the tears now. "I know!I know! I'll never ever forgive myself for that but... I keephoping you might". Natalie looks at him quizzically, pained."I just want to be with you... I just want to make thingsright between us and look after you and help you...". Theemotion proves too much for Natalie (there's more than a whiffof incest about this relationship, methinks), she can no longerhold back her own tears and she collapses on Tony's shoulder "OhTony!" she cries...Two pairs of feet swagger down a cobbled and puddledalleyway, they turn out to belong to Tyrone and friend. "Thismust be number seven" says Tyrone. His friend is wary. "Supposesomeone's in?" Cocky Tyrone is far from abashed, he pusheshis friend over the wall to unbolt the gate and let him in. "Theguy in the garage said it was..." and he's cut off as thefriend motions him to crouch quietly behind the wall - we seethe top of Toyah's head moving about in next door's yard. Tyronetorments his friend. "If you're scared, go home!" Butfriend is not going to admit to being scared. Tyrone demonstratesthat what he conspicuously lacks in brain power he makes up forwith consummate housebreaking skills (the camera carefully omitsto show just how he so easily breaks open the window) and ordershis friend in through the window. "Why is it always me?"asks the friend. "Because I'm the brains!" insists Tyrone.Friend climbs in through the window as Tyrone stands guard, thenopens the back door. "And what do you want?" demandsthe friend as Tyrone pushes his way in.I N T E R M I S S I O NGreg is standing at the bar of the Rovers, chattingto a stranger (who is black as it happens, is this the productionteam awakening to a more realistic ethnic mix?). Behind them wecan see Rita and Sally coming through the door. Sally isn't sureit's a good idea coming into the pub, but Rita brooks no nonsense- "Well I AM!". And at that moment, Sally catches sightof Greg and looks appalled. We cut to Rita and Sally; Sally isturned away, she doesn't know where to put herself. Rita is tryingto take her in hand. "Well, you can't start staying out ofplaces just because he might be there. Anyway, you've been usingthis pub a hell of a sight longer than he has!" With thatshe sternly instructs - no other words for it - Sally to finda seat while she fetches drinks.Alec shows avuncular concern for Sally, and asks Ritaif she's all right. "Not so good at the moment" is thereply. And when we cut to Sally she really isn't all right, she'drather be a very long way off and looks like a frightened birdin a cage. Janice is behind her with the Underworld girls as theyrise to return to work after their lunch break. She approachessally, playing the Job's Comforter, triumphantly but with a hintof grudging sympathy. "You and Greg 'ave split up I 'ear.I thought it wouldn't last, I told you didn't I". Yes, agreesSally ungraciously, without looking at Janice. "Well, yer'lljust 'ave ter look after yerself now won't yer! But if yer thinkin'of askin' Baldwin for yer job back yer've no chance!". Ritacomes to Sally's rescue, with drinks. Janice addresses her remarksto Rita now, "She's made a right mess of 'er life 'asn'tshe!" Rita is reproachful. "She came in here for a quietdrink, not aggravation!". But Janice isn't finished. "'ey,''oos aggravatin' 'er? I'm on 'er side, though there's not a lotof folk round 'ere that are I'll tell yer!" Off goes Janicewith the other Underworlders, leaving Rita looking martyred andSally glum.But there's worse to come for Sally, she sees Gregapproaching and looks very scared indeed but Rita holds her downwith a "Just sit tight love" as Greg seats himself oppositeher and tries to look menacing, though not very convincingly,he's just smirking emptily. "You think you've got me sewnup don't you?" he threatens. "Running round puttingblocks on me. But don't go round thinking you've finished withme yet." Sally has enough left to spit back "That'sexactly what I've done!" "You'll find out different- before too long if you stay around here". But this onlybrings in Rita to Sally's defence: "Of course she's goingto stay, Sally's got a lot of friends around here, which is morethan you have, so why don't you go back to wherever you came fromin the first place?" Greg just sneers, and rises to leave,wordlessly, as Alec hovers behind them. Rita reassures Alec "It'snothing we can't handle".Natalie and Tony have finished a meal. Natalie is anxious,Tony sullen. "Did you go to London?" asks Natalie. "Yeah,no good" replies Tony. Nothing down there for him, got nocontacts. Natalie is alarmed hearing the word "contacts",she suspects he's talking about drug dealing again. Which he probablyis. But he protests, swears even, that that's all behind him andall he wants is a decent job, to settle down and get back to adecent way of living. "That includes looking after you, makingthings right between us. Natalie is weary. "I want to believeyou Tony". Tony protests too strongly, "I'm tellingyou the TRUTH". He's truly sorry, he says, about everythingthat's happened. But, says Natalie, Des's brother hates him. Tonyis piqued and answers sharply, "Why? What have you been tellinghim?" But she denies telling anything. "Not me, Des!"Colin has been to the police and told them Tony knows more thanhe's let on. "What the hell's he stirring it for?" hedemands. Natalie is getting desperate. "He loved Des, Tony!"But Tony can only see Des as a love rival for his mother. VeryFreudian. Colin, it seems, has told the police that Tony knewwho the attackers were. And Natalie things Tony did too despiteall his denials. And the frightened Tony sucks his thumb, as hestarts to crack. "I'll tell you one thing I know for sure- if I shopped 'em, they'd be after me, I'd be next". There'sworse for Tony - Natalie reveals that the police, in the shapeof Sergeant Reynolds, visited her after Colin had spoken to him,to see if she had any more to tell him. Tony is panicking, butNatalie hasn't told. "Thanks!" he says, patheticallygrateful. "Look Mum, you know you're the only person in theworld that I can really trust. I just want you to feel that youcan depend on me - same way that I depend on you!"Tyrone's friend is searching Curly's kitchen cupboardsas Tyrone himself slouches on Curly's sofa, going through Curly'srecord collection and tossing them aside with disgust. "He'sgot some rubbish music - pathetic!" I couldn't see what theywere but they looked OK to me - but then I doubt if I'd shareTyrone's musical tastes. The two lads are upset with Curly's thoughtlessnessat not leaving them enough to eat and drink - not even any beer,though there are a couple of bottles of wine. The friend thinkswine is a girl's drink though. "Depends on how strong itis" remarks worldly-wise Tyrone. They can always get somefish and chips in one evening and try the wine. Thinking of fishand chips reminds them that they are starving, so Tyrone suggestsgoing back to "our" place to get something to eat. And"'ey, listen say nuffink to no-one, we've got a great place'ere and from now on it's ours!"Time has passed at Natalie's, or perhaps it's goneinto a loop, as Tony protests once again that there's nothinghe can do to turn back the clock. (Just to rub this in the kitchenclock is prominent behind his shoulder). And once again he whinesthat "I just want to get things right between us - startagain. That's why I've come back! If it's what you then I'll clearout of your life and I'll never bother you again. If that's whatyou want". But Natalie doesn't believe him. "Oh Tony,leave it will you, you know that's not what I want!" OK then,is it all right if he, Tony, takes a bath before he gets chuckedout? Who said anything about chucking you out, says Natalie, panderingto Tony's insecurity once more. "Thanks Mum," he says,relieved, "you're brilliant!". And off he goes to havehis bath.Natalie clears away her mug and plate, then catchingsight of Tony's jacket seems to have an inspired idea. Cautiouslychecking that the coast is clear, she feels in one pocket andfinds nothing. She feels in the other pocket and pulls out a packetof cigarettes. She takes a second dip into the pocket, and asthe camera closes in on the pocket we see the manicured and nail-varnishedhand withdraw two plastic packets of white powder. Natalie staresat the packets for several moments, before casting them away fromher with an anguished cry of mixed disgust and despair.Alec is sharing a bottle of wine at Rita's place, it'snot clear where Sally has gone but she's found somewhere out ofthe way. Alec surveys the boxes scattered around the floor andremarks wistfully "So this is what's left of their business- knickers as far as the eye can see!" Rita is feeling mischievous;"I bet you've had dreams like this!" Alec rises beautifullyto the bait, indignantly he protests "Ay, now then, coarsenessdoesn't become you Rita!". What he thinks Sally needs isa garage or lock-up shed - clearly Alec is proprietorial aboutRita's territory and resents the intrusion. But Rita will havenone of this, she's quiet happy for Sally to leave her stuff thereand it's none of Alec's business. "I'll tell you what though,that Greg Kelly's a swine, he conned her, cheated her, robbedher - and he hit her". Gallant Alec is outraged. "WHAT?"he exclaims, "He knocked her about?" Rita regrets passingon this information and implores Alec not to do the same. "She'sthe talk of the chip shop as it is already without that".Alec won't say a word, but wants to know when Sally is going.Rita though has no intention of kicking her out. It's her flat,not his, after all. Well, suggests Alec, if she wants to escapefrom the overcrowding she's always welcome to slip through tohis side of the connecting door. "Not while Sally's hereAlec, it wouldn't be right."Tyrone and friend are back at Deirdre's, slobbing aboutamidst the detritus of their predations - plates of biscuits,violated boxes of chocolates, a mess everywhere. Enter Jackie,exuberant, closely followed by Deirdre, who looks about her aghast."OH NO!" she cries in disbelief "I can't put upwith this!" "Wha?" inquires an uncomprehendingJackie. "The mess!" "Oh yeah, it is a bit untidyisn't it!" The boys sit impassive, glued to the television,so Jackie gets frustrated. "Tyrone, what have I told you?If you can't find a tablecloth, put a newspaper down". Wonderful!Meanwhile, Deirdre has discovered the ransacked fridge and declaresincredulously "looks like a swarm of locusts has been throughit". Her anger rising, she declares "This is too much!I've had enough, I'm going for a drink". Jackie's offer tojoin her in the drink is brusquely swept aside. "NO! I'drather go on my own. And when I come back I want this place STRAIGHT.Like it was after I cleared up this morning. And then you andme are going to have a little talk, Jackie, about how much longeryou're staying". And with that she storms out. "Seewhat you've done, soft ollies!" she says, slapping the imperviousTyrone about the head. "Get this place cleared up!"."I'm watching this!" whines Tyrone. "Marcus,"says Jackie to the friend - so that's what his name is - "doone kidder, 'es goin' to be very busy. And Marcus obligingly leaves,no doubt glad to get away. "That's not fair!" whingesTyrone, "he made just as much mess as me". "Nowlisten, Tyrone Sylvester!" admonishes Jackie, "You'regonna get us chucked out of 'ere, with yer cheeky backtalk andyer mess and yer nasty ways - why can't yer be more like me, eh?".And Tyrone, impassive, says nothing.Natalie is sitting at the table feeling hopeless asTony comes downstairs, fresh from his bath. He's wearing a differentshirt. "Good to be clean again," he says, "Erm,I found this shirt in the wardrobe". Natalie just staresat him for a while. "That's Des's shirt" she says atlength. "Yeah, I know that Mum. You don't mind, do you?"But of course she minds. She can't contain her anger, gets upto confront her son. "You're not fit to wear anything ofhis! Don't you talk to me about feeling clean Tony. You with yourdirty drugs for sale". He's not ready for this onslaught."You told me it was over, you swore to me..." But hecan only manage an accusing reply. "You've been going throughmy jacket, you've no right!". Natalie is screaming now. "Don'tyou talk to me about rights! What right have you to come in hereand lie to me and say you're sorry and you've changed, you disgustme!" The tears are close to the surface. Tony is panickingagain. "You've taken my stuff - WHERE IS IT?" he demands."In a safe place" she tells him, as the doorbell rings.And Tony really does panic at the ring. "Who's that?"he asks, frightened. It's Sergeant Reynolds of course, Nataliephoned him after she found Tony's supplies. But "I haven'ttold him Tony, and I hope I don't have to. Talk to him. Give himall the help he needs. Tony is edgy as the sergeant and his henchmanenter. They go through formal introductions. "Hello againMr Horrocks," says Reynolds, "I think we need to talk".Nick is at home attempting to wrap his limited intellectround a tabloid newspaper when Ashley comes downstairs, distraughtand apparently in a trance. He is carrying a book. "What'sup?" says gormless Nick, as it slowly dawns on him that somethingis amiss. A long silence, then Ashley indicates the book. "Foundthis under some of Zoe's clothes", he says despondently."Her diary, Ashley," says Nick, "She'll go madif she finds you reading that. But Ashley is of the opinion thatZoe is already mad. Anyway, it's not a diary, but a series ofletters to Shannon. Nick can understand why it might help Zoeto write things down, but, in tears, Ashley reads an excerpt aloud.About afterlife, and not being separated for ever. Nick repliesthat lots of people believe in an afterlife, he's not sure hedoesn't himself, and all religions talk about that sort of thing.But Ashley continues to read. "Nirab will keep you safe withme. And Ben will keep me safe with the love of Nirab". Whatcan Zoe mean? Ashley is jealous, threatened, especially at themention of Ben. "It's these Foundation people. They've gother not knowing which way's up." Nick tries to reassure himwith the thought that Zoe is coming home tomorrow. But Ashleydoubts that she will come back.Tony is being given a grilling by Sergeant Reynoldsand is close to breaking point. He's still denying everything,but loses his rag under the close questioning. Natalie looks pleadinglyat him. He gives a little ground. "I think they were thesame". Reynolds senses a kill and moves in. "Mr ColinBarnes tells me you know these men. He's made a statement".Tony is very scared now. "You got that wrong" he insists.This is too much for Natalie, who bursts out "For Godde'ssake Tony! Stop lying will yer! They killed Des! They're walkingabout out there and you know who they are! Tell him, please! Youowe it to Des! You owe it to me!" And Tony finally breaks;"You don't know what you're asking, you just don't understand!",he screams. This is all Reynolds needs to take Tony into custodyand accompany him to the station down the road. "Oh well,thanks Mum! Thanks for everything", he says as he is ledout.But Natalie has no words, we close with the cameralingering on her forlorn, hopeless and dejected face... For those who look to the Street for safe reassurance and warm Lancashire humour, there can have been little comfort in this rather intensely bleak and desolate episode, I can only hope for their sake that we get another good wedding before long. But John Stevenson's script stands up very well, balancing some very heavy, and meaty scenes with just enough lightness to relieve without diminishing the seriousness. I thought this was a pretty good one anyway. The star performance was certainly that of Denise Welch, who was quite stunning. I have mixed feelings about Lee Warburton as Tony, the character is unlikeable, shifty, deceitful, self-deluding, and above all very, very weak. I guess an actor relishes strong roles, but to carry off such a weak character so strongly must require a special talent, I think Lee should be given the benefit of the doubt. He certainly comes across as perfectly odious.
Till the next time,RosalindFriday 11 December
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update.... Tinky productions apologise for the slightly late arrival of this update, on account of me being just a bit pinged out. Too much booze, too little sleep, same old story, I know!!! In terms of Ping Reports, I won't steal Annie's thunder, I'll delay my report until she has posted hers, suffice to say, a superb weekend was had in the presence of some lovely company. The Christmas season is in full swing at Trude's place with the build up to the Carol Concerts and Nativity Plays to be held this coming week. Highlight comment has to go to a youngster in the Nursery - the Headteacher had told the kids the nativity story and was testing their understanding of it all. "So children", she says, "whose birthday do we celebrate at Christmas?" This little four year old sticks her hand up and excitedly proclaims "Mine Miss, and I get lots and lots of presents!!" There ain't nothing like the natural innocent humour of youngsters.
The episode commences at Natalie's. Kevin has calledround to see how she is, as he had seen the police last nightwith Tony. She tells him that she was "setting the recordsstraight" and explains "straight from the horse's mouth"how, with obviously mixed feelings, she "shopped Tony tothe police last night, me own son...."At Roy's Rolls, Sally has come in to clear the airwith Gail, under the pretext of having a cup of tea. Gail is initiallya bit cool with her, so Sally comes clean to tell her that therelationship between her and Greg has finished, she also wantsto say that she knows she has been acting like an idiot and ifshe could turn the clock back, she would. The girls come firstnow, she says, to Gail's approval. When Gail asks "what aboutKevin, does he know about you and Greg?", Sally explainshow the girls are with Kevin and how she is stopping with Ritauntil she sorts herself out. Gail asks Sally about her futureplans with Kevin but Sally confesses that she has a lot to thinkabout, she is not quite sure where she is at the moment (Are anyof us? What is the meaning of life? what do we mean by the wordmean?), all she knows is that the girls have had a rotten timewith it. (Well, I always thought baked bean and fish finger overdosingwas a crime, but there you go.) Gail wisely points out that Christmasis coming up and that will cheer up the girls. Sally vows thatChristmas will be a time for them to remember one way or another(Wot? No chips?), that way it will make them forget what's happenedthis year. Gail says amen to the return of the Sally she knows.Natalie is explaining to Kevin that she knows thatTony didn't kill Des, but it was because of him that the thugswere here. She regrets not listening to Des and not throwing outTony on his ear, but Kevin understands that Natalie couldn't dothat to her son (the brain implant IS working, LOL!). Despitethat, Natalie still has feelings of guilt in calling for the police.Kevin tries to reassure her that there is a better chance of catchingthe thugs who killed Des, in any case, Tony was still dealingin drugs, she has nothing for which to blame herself. Natalieis preoccupied by the nightmare of the recent events, she hasfelt like her head has been going to explode ever since that night,she has been "walking around, feeling guilty, frightened,even, thinking she is responsible for Des' death". Her feelingsare clearly causing her much anguish, she put on a tough frontfor others, but "up here", pointing to her head, shefeels she is going to go mad. Now, having shopped her own sonto the police, she faces another nightmare - where has Tony gone?what does he think of her? what has she done to him? - she justwanted to protect him. Kevin tells her that she did right andthat Tony isn't worth her worrying."Hello Maud, how's your bum for love bites thismorning?" is Jackie Dobbs' cheery greeting in the cornershop. Maud tells her she'll be fine and dandy once Jackie's boughtwhat she wants. Our chirpy Scouse Slagette retorts that she resentsbeing treated that way just because she's "done a bit ofbird", in any case, she bets that the store detective isn'tset onto Deirdre when she comes in. Maud firmly points out thatwhat happened to Deirdre was a miscarriage of justice, whereasJackie is brazenly bragging about her prison spell as if it were"a week at Butlins". The slanging match carries on whichJackie taking the mickey out of Maud accusing her getting thewrong side out of bed, or, as she succinctly puts it, being caughtin a speed-check (in her wheelchair). Turning to Ashley, lookinglong-faced, she comments sarcastically that his face is good fortrade.As Jackie goes to look for her provisions, Maud suggeststhat Ashley keeps an eye out on her, "bet she could givePaul Daniels a lesson or two in how to make things vanish".(Note for non UK viewers, Paul Daniels made his name as a TV magician.)Ashley couldn't care less, he has more things to worry about thana few tins of baked beans - Zoe is back today, but he doesn'tknow what to expect, Ben and Ruth have been putting all sortsof crazy ideas into her head.Maxine pops in full of the joys of spring, well, actually,the hot news that Greg and Sally have split up and that, apparentlyGreg was knocking Sally about. When Maud points out that she needsto be careful spreading such stories, Maxine's reply is that it'snot her, it's what folk are saying (LOL!!!) - in any case, Gregwas the perfect gentleman when he was with her!!! "Apartfrom when he was seeing Sally Webster behind your back" retortsAshley!! Game, set and match to Ashley Peacock, as he leaves CentreCourt.Jackie has sorted out her purchases, "here weare, here's the money and I suppose you want to check me pocketsas well, do you?" "Not this time, thank you", saysMaud.Maxine is fishing for hot gossip on the Greg/Sallystory wondering whether Maud heard anything. Maud plays the deaf,wise monkey, in any case, it's nobody's business. Maxine playingthe community minded citizen says you just cannot ignore somethinglike that.Jackie joins in the conversation. "It's a terriblething when a man hits a woman. Mind you, the odd slap around thechops helped me keep my fella in check! Happy days Maud!"and then makes her exit stage left. What a superbly grotesquecharacter is our Margi.Maud corrects Maxine's impression, pointing out thatthere is a difference between turning a blind eye and interferingin personal affairs, "what goes on upstairs in that flatis for Sally to sort out, not for people with a bone to pick toget fat on!" Youch!!At Roy's Rolls, Toyah comes in, obviously very late,much to Gail's relief. However, Gail's relief is short-lived asToyah has come in to tell her that she cannot work this lunchtime.Les is coming out of hospital and they are having a "welcomehome" party for him. This does not amuse Gail, who opinesthat the only kind of party he deserves is one with a lynchingrope. Toyah refuses to get drawn in and Gail threatens her thatif she cannot be here for her job, then her job might not be herewaiting for her. She launches into a tirade of how Les is tryingto ruin Martin's career and asks Toyah to show some consideration.The exchange ends with Toyah telling her "Your toast's burning",which has Gail diverted to that issue. By the time she turns back,Toyah has left the café.Natalie has come home. To her surprise, Tony is insidewaiting for her. He still has a set of keys, "Did you forget?Like you forgot I was your son last night, when you threw me tothe coppers?" he replies angrily.At the Rovers, RFred is in full boom. "I takeit you will be partaking of a festive fowl this year with Rita,will you, Alec? What'll it be, duck, goose or turkey? You'll haveto get your order in quick, quality birds wait for no man."Alec, ever the big spender, reckons they won't want to make afuss, a small chicken will do, as there will be just him and Rita."A chicken? To celebrate the birth of Our Lord and your firstChristmas with that fine lady? A chicken?" is Fred's astonishedreply. "Are you familiar with the festive works of CharlesDickens?"At that point, Greg walks by and Fred turns his attentionto him. He wants two months rent from him - the flat was let tohim on the basis of sole occupancy and as there has been a familyof four residing there, he is due more rent. Greg tells him thathe is on his own again, but Fred is not impressed. He is moreconcerned about that wear and tear on the property during theirstay. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll have what I'm owed."Greg tells him not to worry, he'll get his money. "Yes, thatI will, lad, by Monday or my keys back. Oh and just a word ofwarning! It gets awful parky on these cobbles this time of year!!"Seasonal greetings to you too - Alec has overheard the interchange.He smiles at Fred and says the word "Dickens?" the lookon Fred's face is a real treat!!! ROTF!!! Magic stuff!!Natalie and Tony are still having their tête-à-tête.Natalie tells him that she didn't want to go to the police. "Oh,but you did all the same" sneers Tony. When asked whetherhe told the police the truth, he admits he didn't have a lot ofchoice. He is concerned what will happen when Carl's friends getto him - he wonders whether she has any idea what they will doto him, before they kill him. She tells him he should have goneto the police a long time ago. He replies that "happily everafter" stories just don't happen in real life. "That'sa fairy story, you've got to look after number one", he tellsher. When she gets angry with his selfish attitude, "is thatall you are interested in, number one?", his cutting replyis "Why not? I got it off you." Youch.The taxi has brought Les back home from hospital. Leanneand Toyah have been taken by surprise, as he has come home early,and hurriedly unfurl a banner on the doorstep, proclaiming "Welcomehome." He is chuffed to mintballs and thanks the girls. Themood of this happy scene changes rapidly as Gail walks by. Hedoesn't deserve a welcome home, she tells him, she calls him anevil liar. When the girls protest, her answer is "who isgoing to believe a layabout slob like you, next to Martin?"(Why don't you tell us how you really feel, Gail!! LOL!!) shetells him to quit before he gets laughed out of court. Toyah getsall defensive and Les hams it up for the sympathy vote, sayingthat he doesn't feel very well.At Ashley's, the lad is waiting for Zoe to come backfrom her retreat. He hears a car pulling up and peers throughthe net curtains. It is Ben and he has Zoe with him. Zoe comesin alone, while Ben waits for her. Meanwhile, Ashley has sat downon the settee, not to make it obvious that he is anxiously awaitingher return. He greets Zoe with affection telling her that he hasmissed her and that she looks good. He offers her some tea, butit is clear Zoe has something important to tell him. She has beenchosen by Nirab to have a baby, she tells him.... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the endof part 1 * *******************After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences back at Ashley's. Heis trying to take in the significance of Zoe's news. She is tellinghim that this is a big honour which has been bestowed on her,there are only a few of them in the world, "daughters ofNirab", who have been chosen to have babies before the finalday. Ashley wonders with whom she is going to have this baby,recognising that, the way things have been going lately, it won'tbe with him. She tells him that the whole idea is that these babiesare pure, from within the Foundation. "It's sick", isAshley's diagnosis. There is no meeting of minds here, as Zoetells him she misses Shannon and wants another baby, Ashley repliesthat they can have a baby together but Zoe rejects his offer.At Curly's place there is a mini-party in full flow.Tyrone and his pal, Marcus are whooping it up to Dexys MidnightRunners. They knock over and smash an ornament. Ty is upset, asit could have been "worth a few quid" as they couldhave flogged it. Ty doesn't want to spoil a good thing, they'vegot to use the facilities while they can. Marcus has been lookingfor a corkscrew to open a bottle of wine - he is delighted whenhe finds one, only to discover that he doesn't know how to useit. But Ty is a lad with a vision - now they have a place of theirown, they might want to start entertaining, he tells his chum,"There's a cracker lives next door. She's got an older sisterand all." When Marcus asks whether they'd be up for it, "Areyou kidding? Like a rat up a drainpipe" is the naively optimisticreply. As Ty opens the bottle, Marcus comes across the house keys."Let the good times roll" is Ty's jubilant cry, as theyget stuck into the wine.Natalie is still arguing with Tony. She didn't enjoyshopping Tony to the police, but she didn't enjoy watching Desdying either, she tells him, so if he's had his say, he can getout. Well, he only came back to pick up his property, is his reply,referring to his drugs. When she tells him that she flushed themdown the toilet, this is too much for Tony who lunges at his mother."You stupid cow" he yells at her, "you're justas stupid as was and look where it got him." In the scuffle,she slaps his face hard. "You make me sick. I think aboutthe night you were born and it makes me want to heave, thinkingwhat you've turned out to be. You might not have killed Des, buthow many other lives have you ruined with that rubbish you'vebeen peddling? And do you know what? It feels like it's my faultbecause I'm your mother." By this stage is sobbing her heartout in despair at how her son has turned out. Tony is desperate- selling the drugs is the only way of staying ahead and comingup with the cash to pay off Carl's crew. Natalie has the solutionand hands him a cheque. She asks whether it is enough. Tony isspeechless. She tells him her house is sold, Des' estate willbe through soon. That money is not for drugs, and not to pay someloan shark off. It's to get out of the country, to get away asfar as he needs to go. "To hell you mean? queries Tony. "Idon't care. As long as I never have to set eyes on you again.Call it your inheritance, Tony. Because from now on, I'm deadas far as you are concerned. Get out! Now!" The dramaticscene ends in total silence as Tony departs, without saying aword.Ashley is upset beyond belief at Zoe's news. Ben isobviously going to be the father, he realises. Zoe tells him thatit is none of his business. "None of my business? You'remy girlfriend, Zoe" he pleads, "well at least you wereuntil this lot got inside your head." Zoe maintains thatthe whole issue has nothing to do sex, but Ashley scorns her belief,they've really got her brainwashed. The whole thing is a con,a sick dirty trick, as far as he is concerned. She tells him thatthis is what she wants to do. Ashley's emotions are getting thebetter of him. "Already made a start have you, eh? Whileyou've been away on this retreat? Been at it for Nirab, have you?"The argument degenerates, as Ashley confesses he saw her kissingBen. That is the final straw for Zoe, as she tells him that Benwarned her never to come back, she should have listened to him.She announces that she cannot take any more and she is going toleave - she informs him that they were finished a long time ago,now she is going to move out, she is going where she belongs.In the Rovers, we see hobbling Les making a dedicatedentrance to the pub, with Janice helping him. Mike Baldwin commentsto Alec that he thought Les was supposed to be on death's door.Alec puts it down to the miracles of modern medicine, "let'shope they've not surgically removed his drinking mechanism."Les sits down as Janice goes to the bar to get a drinkfor her hubby. Alec enquires after Les' welfare, well, the bitto do with drinking anyway. "No pills or owt to stop yousupping?" Les announces, to Alec's delight, that tonight,he is out celebrating. "Just celebrating being alive"adds Janice. "Well, we can't have everything, can we"mutters Alec sarcastically.While waiting for the drinks, Janice gets into conversationwith Mike, who offers a mock-sympathetic ear.In the meantime, Scouse Slagette (aka Jackie) has sidledup to Les. "Nice to have you back, Les, love" she purrs.He goes into overdrive, telling her how he actually died and thenhad an out-of-body experience.Deirdre is complaining to Alma how she just cannotget away from Jackie - wherever she turns, Jackie is there, home,work, Rovers, she didn't see this much of her when she was inprison. Alma hopes that Slagette will find a place of her ownand move on - this sounds like a dream for Deirdre. (During thisexchange, we have a cameo appearance of Michael Crawford - hecomes into the Rovers, walks up to the bar in the distance andorders a drink, neatly framed by Deirdre and Alma in the foreground.Do I hear "Betty... can I have a drink?")Janice is telling Mike about Greg and Sally splittingup and ending the business. This really is good news week forMike, as his delight gets translated into generosity - Janice'sdrinks are on him and "a couple of chasers as well"Les is still weaving his own brand of fiction to anenthralled Slagette. He is talking about this bright light, "itwas as if someone had put in the whole of the (Status) Quo's lightingrig in there." Then he heard "someone calling, callingmy name. 'Don't go. Not yet, Les.' And do you know something Jackie,I could have sworn it was you." (LOL!! What style!!!)By this time, Janice has their drinks and breaks upLes' private party. "That, is my seat, lady!! And that'sme husband, while you're about it." Janice's demeanour suggestssomeone who won't stand for any messing. Jackie gets the messageloud and clear and scarpers off sharpish.Natalie has come into the pub. She tells Alec thathasn't come for a drink, she has come back to work. She neededto get a few things sorted out but now she has to get on withher life. She moves behind the bar and gets back to work.Janice is telling Les that Greg has been knocking SallyWebster around. Les refuses to believe that and suggests thatshe is probably bad-mouthing because he's dumped her or something.When Janice tells him that Sally and Greg are finished, that'sproof positive as far as Les is concerned. Anyway, he'll get tothe bottom of this, he's not going to have people saying thata son of his has to knock his women about to keep them in check.At the Platt's place, Gail is telling Martin how shelost her temper with Les Battersby earlier on. Martin is not pleased,"that's marvellous, that's great, you didn't kick him inhis best leg, while you were at it, did you?" He recognisesthat it is totally counterproductive having a go at Les in thestreet, like a red rag to a bull. Gail was only trying to defendhim and couldn't just stand around doing nothing, while his lyingloses Martin his job. Martin decides that the only step left isto talk to Les and storms out of the house to do just that.It is dark as he crosses the road, but we see Ty andMarcus leaving Curly's house by the front door, a few secondsbefore Alma and Mike walk past.Martin knocks on Les' door, to find Nick answeringit. Les comes to the door, as Nick beats a hasty retreat, reluctantto get involved. Martin tries to challenge Les, if it's a practicaljoke then it's not funny. Les' reply is that being dead isn'tfunny either and he was close to that fate, thanks to him. WhenMartin tells him that this statement is rubbish, Les' answer isthat the judge can decide that and slams the door in Martin'sface.On the other side of the road, Sally is opening thedoor to Rita's flat. Maxine is walking past and cannot resistan opportunity to crow "I'd heard you changed digs. I alwaysknew Greg wouldn't stay with you, dunno what he saw in you inthe first place. Hardly a supermodel, are ya?" Her partingshot is that in future she shouldn't go for other girls' blokes"go for somebody more your own age!" Youch!! Bitchy,bitchy!At Ashley's place, Nick is just coming through thedoor, followed a few seconds later by Leanne. We see Ashley, distraught,sitting at the foot of the stairs. Zoe has her bags and announcesthat she is leaving to live with the Foundation. Ashley tellsher to give them the rest of the story, she is gonna have a babywith them. They look on, incredulous. She thanks Ashley for everythingin the past and leaves the house. Ben is waiting for her outside.Ashley runs after her imploring her not to leave him. He tellsZoe he loves her, but Ben tells him to let Zoe go, "she doesn'twant you anymore." Ashley lunges at Ben but is restrainedby Nick as Ben and Zoe get into the car. The car starts and movesoff, leaving behind Ashley, distressed by way events have developed..........and with that.... it is the cue for music andcreditsEpisode written by Phil Ford.All material is, and remains, copyright property ofITV Television. Well, how was it for me? A really good episode in my book. Some great dialogue and amazingly brilliant and bitchy one-liners - well done, scriptwriter, Phil Ford. Some magic light comedy provided by Fred and Alec - those guys really are stars, wonderful lines, great delivery, impeccable timing and the facial expressions, well, out of this world. Beautiful stuff. In terms of drama and emotion, superb stuff from Ashley, full of despair at losing Zoe to the cult. For me though, Denise Welch as Natalie Barnes shone again, with an exceptional performance in her interchange with Tony. In her, we really have an amazing actress with real class and ability. Bravo!!!
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, takecare...Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in GloriousGlossop....Regards, AlanSunday 13 December
Well, last week's promise to turn up on time this week fell at the first hurdle, or more precisely it keeled over when leaving the starting gates. Once again, my apologies for the late arrival of this service - it's bad enough trailing in after The Rattler's Monday update without being passed by Rosalind's Wednesday epistle. And she writes about 3 times as much as I do. It's not been a wonderful week, this week. I am looking forward to starting afresh after the weekend. It has been 5 long days of hassle with two cars and a house. Fortunately, most things seem to be back in working order, but the wear and tear on me may take longer to heal. Why does everything break at the same time, and why is this time immediately before Christmas, truly one of the busiest periods ? So, let's get straight on with the update, which may be even shorter than usual this week. As the signature tune draws to a close, I note we have a new typeface for the program title. Whatever next ? That new-fangled colour stuff, perhaps ?
Act 1
Sally and Rita and Alec are discussing underwear. Fortunately,not each other's, but the boxes and boxes of stock that Sallyliberated from Greg's office. Rita notes that she suspects sheknows what she'll be getting for Christmas. Apparently, thereare several thousand items in all, and Sally doesn't know whoshe can sell them to. Alec suggests Mike Baldwin. She can't believehe's serious, but Alec reasonably points out that Mike is a businessman and won't pass up any opportunity to make a bit of extra money.Sally isn't happy, and thinks there must a better idea.Martin and Gail are discussing the Les situation. Gailwonders if Les would go so far as to take the matter to court.Martin thinks Les is capable of anything, and resolves to havea word with Janice, as she might be more approachable.Gary enters the cafe, to find Ashley sitting lookingvery forlorn. He hasn't had much sleep the night before, worryingabout Zoe. Gary and Judy sit down and join him, and he tells themhow Zoe had been away for 3 days at a retreat, when he'd had nocontact with her at all. Then she'd returned and announced thatshe'd been chosen to have a baby "for Nirab" and hadnow left his house and was staying at the Foundation house. He'dhad a look through some of her things while she was away, andhad found her diaries full of letters to her dead child. Garythinks it's time Ashley went to the police, to see if they couldhelp. Perhaps some of the Foundation's activities aren't legal? He offers to go along with Ashley, for support.Martin contrives to bump into Janice as she is leavingher house to go to work. She tells him she's late already, andhe replies that she's lucky to have a job to go to. [Martin'sbeen suspended from work.] He tells her in no uncertain termsthat he knows Les is lying, and can she persuade him to tell thetruth, perhaps ? Of course, we know before this conversation startsthat Martin is doomed to fail, because no matter how stupidlyLes behaves, Janice is the sort of woman who will stand by him.She tells Martin that she thinks *he* made the mistake and gaveLes too many painkillers, because Les had been getting on hisnerves.The centre of attention is in the Rovers, where heencounters his long-lost son, Greg. Greg asks how Les is. He'sobviously not heard about the incident with the painkillers andLes duly fills him in with his version of events. "MartinPlatt tried to bump me off !", he concludes. Greg hopes thatLes is going to do something about it, something more than justmaking a complaint to the hospital. Has Les talked to a solicitor? On hearing that he has not, Greg immediately offers to takecharge, and phones his mate Richard. He asks Richard if he knowsanyone who deals with negligence. And he hopes that he might makea few bob, in the process. While he is on the phone, Sally entersand walks past him to speak to Mike. She explains about the stock,and offers to sell the underwear to him. Greg tells Les that hehas set up a meeting that evening with a solicitor who specialisesin compensation claims. Les is surprised how quickly Greg hasorganised things. He thanks him, and goes on to mention how hehas heard people saying that he and Sally have split up, and thathe was "knocking her about a bit". Greg doesn't lookvery chuffed at this.Down at the police station, Ashley and Gary are inthe waiting room, where Ashley seems to be having second thoughtsabout going through with it all. As they talk about the cult,a female officer behind the desk takes an interest and asks themto come through and tell her more. She takes Zoe's details [inthe process of which we learn that Zoe is only just 17], and thenreveals that they have had many visits, mostly from worried parents,about other young people being drawn into the Foundation. Apparently,Nirab's followers have been working in the Weatherfield area forabout a year, and elsewhere in Britain. She tells Ashley and Garythat the Foundation target young people who lack security forone reason or another. Ashley tells her that Zoe lost a a babyearlier that year. "That would have given them somethingto really get their teeth into", the inspector notes. Thepolice seem well aware of the various techniques used. Gary saysit sounds just like brainwashing to him, and the policewoman admitsthat that's certainly one way to describe it. He asks what thepoint of it is. The police think that Nirab himself is just abusinessman on a power trip, at least they haven't found any evidenceof any other motives. She asks how Zoe had got involved with thecult, and is not surprised to hear Ben and Ruth's names mentioned.Ben is a fairly senior figure in the organisation. Also a bitof a ladies man, apparently. Ashley, increasingly angry, flaresup and demands to know why no-one's doing anything about it. Garycalms him down. The inspector tells them that the problem is thatthe cult are not doing anything actually illegal, and offers toput Ashley in contact with a support group.Around at Rita's flat, Mike is taking a look at Sally'sunderwear. [You know I just put it like that on purpose !] Heacts unimpressed, but she swears it is quality stuff, all paidfor and above board. She tells him she'd paid three-and-a-halfthousand for it all, but wants two thousand, fifteen-hundred atthe very least. Mike charmingly offers five hundred. Rita entersat this point, just in time to hear him. "How much !!",she exclaims. He won't budge though, and wishes them a Merry Christmasas leaves without a deal. Rita brands him a "Cockney twerp".She thinks the stock is worth more than that, sold door-to-door.This inspires Sally to think of taking a market stall and sellingit that way. She's done it before, with Mike in fact. Rita offersAlec's assistance to get the boxes down to the market. "Anything'sbetter than dealing with that shyster !", she concludes.Intermission
There were some adverts. I didn't watch them.Act 2
Ashley and Gary have returned to the Rovers. Fred spies Ashley,and has a go at him for leaving Maud alone in the shop for solong. Ashley explains how they've been down to the police stationabout Zoe. Fred asks if this is because she'd nicked somethingbefore she left. This is the final straw for Ashley, who has areal go at Fred and his misconceptions. He ends by telling hisuncle that in future he should keep his opinions to himself. Hewalks across the bar and sits down with Judy and Gary. Gary tellsher how they had got on down at the police station. They're alldownbeat about the fact that no-one seems capable of stoppingthe Foundation.The Street's latest, but by no stretch of the imagination,greatest recruit, Tyrone is found in Curly's house along withhis friend Marcus. They are dialling phone sex lines and stuffingthemselves with the contents of Curly's kitchen cupboards. [It'sa real shame he doesn't appear to have left any paraquat underthe sink !] To cap it all, Tyrone has found Curly's piggy bank.[I suspect Curly is one of those people who puts their loose changeaway every day. He's not that sad as to keep a fortune in a smallpottery animal !]Les thanks Greg for setting up the meeting with thesolicitor, who is due to arrive soon. He suggests maybe Greg shouldhave a word with him, himself, about Sally's slander. Greg isspared further shame by the arrival of said solicitor, a somewhatdubious-looking overweight character. Les rubs an imaginary soreshoulder as they shake hands. Before they get properly talking,though, they are interrupted by Fred, who demands to know whenGreg will be paying the rent on the flat.It's knocking-off time at the factory, and as the girlsleave, Jackie spots Tyrone on the other side of the street. Henips down one of the side alleys, and she sets off in pursuit,no doubt wondering what he's up to. She catches up with him inCurly's living room, and demands to know "what the hell'sgoing on here ?!".Sally is round at Kevin's, asking him if he'd mindtaking the girls to school as she has to be off early down tothe market. He says of course he will take Rosie and Sophie toschool, and then invites Sally to stay for her tea. [Sadly, itis not known if they are about to sit down to a plate of bakedbeans, or fish fingers...]Jackie wants to know how the two scallies had got intothe empty house. Tyrone shows her the keys, which he claims they'dfound in the back yard. She's angry about the mess they've made,and slings them out. A thoughtful look appears on her face asshe surveys the house...Leanne offers to go and get a takeaway for her andNick, but fails to properly attact his attention as he is busytrying to listen in on Les and the solicitor. He tells Leannethey are discussing Martin. Leanne takes sides, and they havean animated discussion about the rights and wrongs. Finally, Nickdecides he'll have a chicken korma. [Just to amplify this, that'sabout the mildest curry going, which suits Nick's rather fey image.And no jokes about rings, please !]Les and his solicitor discuss their case. As you mightguess, Les' imagination starts to run riot as he readily agreesto perhaps having unnoticed after-effects [like pound signs rollingaround in his eyes, perhaps] and being examined by another doctor.He rubs his shoulder a lot, too. What a shonk.Back to the Websters house, where the girls are soondespatched upstairs to play, in order for Sally and Kevin to talkabout more adult things. He asks her if it's true that she andGreg have split up, and was it anything to do with Greg hittingher ? Sally doesn't comment directly on that, but does say thatshe's learnt her lesson.Nick goes to see Gail at home, and tells her that he'soverheard Les talking to a solicitor in the Rovers. Gail is alarmedas she realises that things are getting very serious for Martin.My final note for this episode tells me that "Ashleyis thinking about snatching Zoe back from the Foundation".However, I haven't added any context and can't remember who hewas talking to. Oops ! Anyway, that was the end of the show tonight.This episode was written by Mark Wadlow. I really have to post this and rush off home, so I'll just quickly add that this was a somewhat better episode tonight, and there's better still to come. In particular, we are about to see some terrific stuff from Steven Arnold, who plays an increasingly distraught Ashley. I think he's really excellent, especially considering he is probably only about 20 - I mean, at that age, how can he summon up such despair ? Ah, but wait, inspiration strikes ! He must be a Man City fan ! And on that slight spoiler, I'll leave you. Overall rating (out of 5 stars): *** One more Sunday episode before Christmas !
John LairdMonday 14 December
Hi :) Well, folks, it's Update time again and it really seems like far more than a week ago since I did my last one. Aside from suffering from a couple of viruses (computer and healthwise!) it's been mostly a rather fab one too, culminating in great style with the most excellent Xmas Mini-Ping in Manchester on the weekend which, no doubt, RATUCS/Guestbook readers will have already read about from pens far mightier than my own. So rather than retread their steps I'll simply thank *everyone* who was there profusely for making it a night to remember indeedy and leap straight into this week's Monday Update, a marked improvement over the last couple of episodes, too, I should add!
We open in the House Of Elliot where, unfortunately,the loosest plot development this week is well under way. Ashleyis planning a 'raid' (!) on the Foundation Headquarters. He intendsto kidnap Zoe and bring her back home in order to save her fromthe evil Nutters of Nirab. Leanne (who is sporting this year'sessential fashion accessory in her hair... tinsel!) is worriedthat this act of vigilance isn't the hottest idea known to manand explains that maybe Ash should just cut his losses and lethis girlfriend stay with the loonies since, technically speaking,it is *her* choice. He is adamant however that she's been brainwashedand isn't in control of her own thoughts, thus concludes thatOperation Tattersall is GO! Oh yes, Nicky is mincing around inthe background and, after tossing his golden locks from side toside for a few minutes, finally offers to accompany his friendon the rescue mission. Ashley doesn't look best pleased at havingto drag such a big wet nelly along with him but accepts the offeranyway.Meanwhile, Sally is having trouble getting to the marketto pedal her wares (Quiet at the back!) as the car she wantedto take, Alec's, has visibly not been privy to an MOT test inseveral years. Even a nearby Kevin can do nowt to fix it but,in an uncharacteristic act of generousity/sympathy, the ManicMechanic offers to loan Sal the use of his van for the morning.She is understandably grateful.Over breakfast in the Platt Household, Martin and Gaildiscuss the buying of a bike for young David's (where's he beenfor the last 12 months or so anyway?) Christmas present but timeslook tough now that Florence has been suspended from his job."There's no reason David should have everything new, youknow" says Gail, putting forth the idea of a second handcycle, "I didn't and neither did you, I'm sure"... Shethen proceeds to turn the Misery Knob up to eleven and breaksit to her husband that Les has gotten a solicitor and that itlooks like he's going to milk the (allegedly) Negligent Nursefor all he's worth. Martin tries to stay positive, adamant thata proper investigation will unearth the truth that is his innocencebut then Gail reminds him, albeit as nicely as possible, thatleaving the drugs trolley unlocked at the end of a patient's bedprobably isn't the Medical Board's favourite definition of "innocence".At The Drear's Domain, a furious Deidre enters thelounge to find Tyrone Dobbs and his buddy sprawled out on thecouch and the floor, respectively, surrounded by half-eaten takeawaychicken tikka and empty beer cans. As she walks around, surveyingthe damage and voicing in no uncertain terms her distress aboutthe mess, the stench, the stains and the downright cheek of itall, the two boys talk amongst themselves wondering if she "treatsall her lodgers like this" (LOL!)... She finally leaves forwork in a right state and, just then, Jackie comes out of thebathroom and asks what the lads are planning to get up to today.They ask if they can have the key to Curly's place back (!) butshe puts her foot down quite rightly and says that it's out ofthe question.In the Hallowed Grounds otherwise known as Roy's Rolls,Martin shows Gail an advert he found in the paper for a cheapbicycle and tells her he's going to see if it's still available.He has obviously come round to her way of thinking but still putson a happy face, even when she explains that Les wouldn't havehis *own* solicitor hired if he didn't have a decent case. Justthen Sir Royston of Cropper interrupts (as politely as possible,of course!) to enquire if his business partner has thought anymoreabout the sale of the cafe, as "time is ticking away"and his dreams of classy cuisine are still abound. She is visiblyfar too pre- occupied with her husband's medical misfortunes toreally care less and just tells Sir R to write his ideas downon paper for her to peruse in her own time... He agrees to doso and leaves the Platts alone again for them to morosely telleach other not to spend a lot of money on Christmas pressies forthemselves since the kids happiness at this time of year is moreimportant. Martin admits "It's just beginning to sink inhow much we'll miss my overtime" and I wonder exactly howmuch overtime he must have been getting to plunge a reasonablywell-off family like the Platts into this state of financial emergencyin less than a week. Then again, I suppose being on call everytime*ANYONE* in Weatherfield is sick must mean a fair bit of extrapay... Ashley wanders into the cafe at this point, dressed ina butcher's overall, delivering pies and sausage rolls from Fred.Turns out that "the delivery lad has a bad belly" (toomuch of Fred's free steak, per chance?) so Prince Peacock is helpingout. Handily enough, Judy Mallet is sitting at one of the tablesand wants to have a word with him about this proposed "rescuemission" of his. She's concerned he might hurt himself sincethese cults sometimes have "guns" or they'll "setfire to the place" rather than let you snatch one of theirmembers (!). He is still adamant, however, to carry out the plansto save his beloved from the clutches of the creepy ones and there'snothing Judeh can say to stop him!Speaking of the Loonies (Christ, I really hoped thisNirab story had finally reached an end... talk about draggingthe joke out for far too long!), we are now treated to a thoroughly*EXCREABLE* exchange of utterly horrible dialogue between CreepyBen and Zoe in which he tells her (amongst other things that I'msparing you from) that Shannon is waiting for her at the end of"her journey" and in order to reach this point (getready to gag) "You must open yourself totally... Not justyour mind... Everything!" (Talk about blatant!)... As hereaches to touch her and tells her that she's "ready"I suppose I ought to give the guy some credit for making my stomachchurn... Mercifully we cut away as he tells her that tonight shewill, errrrr, open herself for Nirab. *shudder*Ashley and Gary meet up in the Rovers and they talkbriefly about the raid. Gareh offers the loan of a van for theevent before demanding to come with the young'uns and lend a hand...This is presumably because he realises Nick and Ashley would havegreat difficulty snatching candy from a baby let alone a 17 yearold girl from the clutches of psychopaths....END OF PART ONE
Some poor adverts, as ever. No less than *two* in one break featurea chap talking frankly about his new nicotine patch but thankfully,in amongst the usual dross, is a rather amusing advert for Meltus(?) cough syrup in which a bloke can't stop choking and knockingbits of the house down as he does it until his wife throws himthe medicine. There's an excellent mechanical cat in this adverttoo, which can never be a bad thing. Unfortunately, there's alwaysone to leave a bad taste in my mouth. An advert for oven chipsin which one 6-year-old girl asks her equally young sister "Whichdo you prefer? Daddy or chips?" and, after much whisperingof "Daddy... Chips... Daddy... Chips" and a taste ofsaid potato-based grub, the child finally concludes that she definatelyprefers chips to daddy!!! Is it just me that finds this to bea horribly cynical little piece of 'marketing'? Probably... I'llget me coat, then. Back to the fun!PART TWO
More stomach-churningly creepy sleaze from Ben now as he explainsto Ruth that he's been telling Zoe about tonight and "thenext step". Zoe asks if Ruth will be jealous but She of TheDangerous Eyebrows explains that because it's "Nirab's wishfor you and Ben to come together" (!) she doesn't mind atall! The gullible newbie thinks this is all very "beautiful"(!) and falls hook, line and sinker for the nutters. "I wantShannon to have a baby brother or sister and I'm ready now"she chirps and the date for conception is confirmed as later tonight,after their group meeting.Meanwhile in the Rovers, Deidre is sitting at a table,bemoaning the trauma of the Dobbs family to Ken and Alma whenJanice Princess Warrior approaches to add her own resenting statements.It seems that Jackie and her misshapen son are hardly flavourof the month with anyone at the moment and it's decided that Drearwill chuck them both out of the flat, as of tonight.Blandford and Les stand at the bar, discussing thelatter's injuries and of course the Bastardly Battersby is milkingit to the maximum, claiming he can no longer move his shoulderwithout it hurting. To demonstrate this, he waves his arm in theair and says (foolishly) "I can't do this anymore, you see!"Greg woefully tells him not to try that in court. Sensing theBland One's evident despondancy, Les asks what's wrong and itsoon transpires that Greg Kelly Enterprises has gotten it's firstproper purchase order but, since Sally has reclaimed all the fabricstock *and* revoked Loverboy's cashcard priveleges, he is unableto purchase the raw materials he needs to fulfil the sale. Leswould help if only the banks would let him have his compensationmoney in advance (!) but Greg explains that this simply wouldn'twork...In an amusing little scene, Tyrone enthusiasticallyaccosts Toyah (dressed in her school uniform) as she walks downCoronation Street proving once and for all that girls really *do*mature faster than boys:Ty: "Heya blue eyes" ;) <--- [You knowyou're on the 'net too much when you add emoticons to quoted dialogue]Toyah: (Playing it cool) "You talking to me?" Ty: "What'dthey teach you today then?" Toyah: "Wouldn't you liketo know?" Ty: "I like biology, me. My favourite subject,biology. Hey, I tell you wot, I could 'elp you with your homeworkif you like!" Toyah: (Tiredly, in a world-weary kinda way)"I bet you could..." Ty: (Missing the sarcasm) "Sowhat time should I come round then???" Toyah: "S'alright.It's history tonight. The Agraian Revolution." Ty: "Eh,what I don't know about that! Cor, I could write you a book aboutthat!" Toyah: (Chirpily, as she enters her front door) "Yeah?Well, when you do, you can lend us a copy, ok? See ya!"Tyrone looks confused, then utterly gutted as he realisedthat despite his delusions, the object of his affections has beenquite blantantly taking him for a ride. Doh! :) (A great, well-timedexchange of dialogue, incidentally. I like this new kid! He playsa good dummy!) Over the road, at this point Sally and Kevin unloadboxes of underwear from the van. She has sold a fair bit of itand thanks him again for all his help. One hopes that we aren'tgoing to see ***another*** Yuletide Webster reconcilliation thisyear!Outside the Rovers, a cerebral-looking Roy is surveyinga "FOR SALE TO LET: GROUND FLOOR SHOP / RETAIL UNIT"sign pinned to a scaffolding across the road from the bus stopand the bookies... An idea seems to hatch in the Great One's mindas we cut to inside the pub where Ashley, Gary and The Camp Crusader,Nicky Tilsley, sit at a table and continue to plot this ludicrous"rescue mission". Ash scribbles a "plan" ontoa beermat (!!), explains that the Foundation finish their meetingsat 8:00pm and tells the lads that this would be the best timeto strike. Whoopsie Boy informs us (with less emotion than a talkingalarm clock) that, at the third stroke of his blonde locks, thetime is now 7:30pm, so the bungling trio set off to save Zoe fromthe Wrath Of Ben as the camera cuts to Janice and Jackie standingat the bar. The latter is winding up the Warrior Princess aboutLes (who is resting at home) and offering, suggestively, to takeround a "couple of cans", to cheer him up. Janice tellsher where to stuff it and continues to gloat about how a littlebird told her that Jackie might soon be out of a home...Across at a nearby table, Sir Royston of Cropper andLady Hayley of Patterson are sat drinking fruit juice. "Wouldyou look at some of the food in here?" whispers Roy, adding"I mean, I wouldn't touch that lasagne with a barge pole!"and "Look at the price of that curry!" amongst otherthings. The two of them then swap enthusiasm about how the unitfor rent over by the bus stop would be the perfect place for Royto open the cafe of his dreams. Their (as ever) priceless exchangeof dialogue reveals a previously unthought-of idea: Lady H: "Would it be a caff or a cafe?"
Sir R: "Noo, more of a Bistro stroke Brasserie!"
Lady H: "Ooh, with tablecloths? What about candles?"
Sir R: "No no no, nothing pretensious. I want people to see what they're eating without all that... flickering!"
Lady H: "Licensed?"
Sir R: "Well, as you know, I have strong views about alcohol misuse but on the other hand I have strong views about serving the needs of the customer... Besides, I don't know how to go about getting a license. I mean we wouldn't be a restaurant exactly and we wouldn't be a wine bar..." *slips into deep thought*
The seed is planted!The next scene shows Gary, Ashley and Nicky sat outsideThe Foundation in a dirty old camper van waiting to get a glimpseof Zoe. Unfortunately she's nowhere to be seen and all they canwatch is a bunch of zombified kids loading tins of beans intoa van (Special delivery for Sally Webster!? Is this where shegets it all from!?) so Ashley jumps to the conclusion that she'sprobably "tied up or drugged". He wants to go in, gunsblazing (metaphorically of course) but Gary warns him that thiswould be stupid with the priceless line (I kid ye not!) "Theymight look harmless with those tins of beans, but trust me, they'renot!" ROFL! You *have* to luv Ian Mercer for his utterlydeadpan Drebin-esque delivery of such terrible lines. What a player!Sir Royston, meanwhile, is buying two lemon drinksfrom Alec Gilroy at the bar who sarcastically remarks that Roy"really knows how to push the boat out" (funnily enough,Betty Williams said *exactly* the same line to our Valiant Heroa few weeks ago when he bought the Bombay Mix and Dandelion &Burdock!)... Sir R explains, helpfully, that it's not wise todrink too much alcohol when it's cold outside and then, naivelytrusting as ever, proceeds to ask Alec a few questions about whathe would have to do to go about getting a liquour license. Assoon as the reason behind the quizzing emerges (ie: Roy wantsto open up a licensed cafe almost directly opposite the Rovers!),Alec clams up and gets mightily irate, rushing over to the otherend of the bar to share his seething indignance with the mightyFred Elliot. He doesn't get much sympathy however, since Fredproclaims "GOOD FOR HIM, I SAY, GOOD FOR HIM! IT'S 'BOUTTIME WE HAD DECENT PLACE TO EAT 'ROUND HERE!" and then continuesto berate Betty's Hot Pot (HEATHEN!) by claiming "If it hadn'tbeen for t'gristle, I'd've thought it were one o' those vegetariandishes!" Alec ignores this rant, however, and begins to thinkup ways of getting shut of Sir Royston's plans, wondering aloudif Councillor Audreh will be able to aid him in his nefarioustask.Back outside the Foundation, Ashley is getting increasinglytense and wants to just storm the place, "Delta Force"stylee, but Gareh continues to disuade him from the idea and theThree Stooges stay parked in the grubby van.Jackie Dobbs returns home to The Drear's Domain onlyto be told to "Sit down" because Deidre has "somethingto say". Unfortuantely, because Marg^H^H^HJackie has alreadybeen tipped off by Janice as to what this "something"might be, she pips Dreary to the post and tells her merrily thatshe's found a new place for her and Tyrone to live! She doesn'tsay exactly *where* this new place is, however. (Add two and twotogether at this point, readers...)Fred approaches Gruesome Greg in the Rovers and askswhere the rent he's due has gotten to. Blandford tells him that"the cheque is in the post" and the money owed willbe paid off by the end of the week, to which our Loveable Landlordreplies "Some folk 'round here say I'm just a big soft nelly,but I'm not! You've got 'til end of t'week or I'll set t'bailiffson you!"... Greg nods and then goes across the room to *GASP*buy a drink for Mike Baldwin! What's his game, eh? Well, he'sgot a little deal to strike up. He's prepared to give this newpurchase order (Which he claims is quite large) to Baldwin, aslong as they split the profits between the two of them. Amazingly,the Lord of The Underworld says he'll consider it, as long asGreg isn't expecting anything like a straight 50/50 split... Hmm......And now we wrap up the show in a ridiculous fashionoutside the Foundation. They're all but set to call it a nightand go home. However, through some remarkable coincidence, Zoehas seen Ashley through her window (No, I'm not sure how either,since they were all stuck in a camper van) and has come downstairsto have a look for him... She's stopped in her tracks howeverby Creepy Ben, midway down the drive and the Three Stooges lookon as he tells her the house is empty, thus it's time to plantthe seed of Nirab, as it were (!). As he reaches out to touchher, the Stooges leap out of the van and the A-Team music strikesup in full effect! They knock Ben to the ground in the same waythat a Furby might knock a Talking Dipsy Doll over and, as theCreepy one cowers on the floor crying "Don't hit me",Ash and Whoopsie Boy hoist Zoe into the back of the van!!! Garystands above the Cry-Baby Cultist and says, menacingly, "Don'tyou ever go near her again"...Credits roll. All in all, despite the laughable final scene and still *much* left to improve on, this was far better than last week's episode. On the downside, we have this overlong Nirab Nonsense which is far beyond a joke now and has actually gone from being humourously tongue-in-cheek to unnervingly sick in parts. Of course, Greg and Sally are still cast members, which is a bit disappointing. The Battersby/Platt War is boring my pants off already and it's only just started (not a good sign)... But aside from those faults, we had some good stuff on offer this time round, IMHO. Ian Mercer deserves credit for giving convincing (and amusing) delivery to diabolical lines and managing to *almost* make us believe the remarkable character shift of Gary Mallett from all-round harmless good guy to Lee Marvin style action hero. Tyrone Dobbs is providing some slight amusement and is, if nothing else, quite humourously played by the young Alan Halsall. Obviously, Sir Royston is always a treat ("Cropper Street" anyone? Yes please! ;)) and let's hope Gail doesn't slam the kibosh on his cafe plans, as this could be a goodie! It's nice to see him *finally* trying to put one of his best assets (ie: his cooking skills) to decent use and show everyone what he's capable of! Oh, and brief as it may have been, it was a treat seeing Toyah back on screen in full force. :) So all in all, getting better. Stay tuned and keep watching the skies. 'Til next time!
This Monday Update was sponsoredby Iced Earth (what I was listening to) and Stella Artois (whatI was drinking)The RattlerWednesday 16 December
Hello, I'm afraid it's me, Rosalind, again. Out ofsequence this week because I'm standing in for Ruthie, on accountof her end of term pressures of work. Well, we all have end-of-term pressures, and I do sympathise. Here it's all the civic business to be squeezed in before Christmas to keep within statutory deadlines. And, of course, the rush of relevant proposed legislation from the Queen's Speech. Monday of this week, for example, saw me up at an unearthly hour to represent the Bristol Social Services Committee at the Local Government Association's briefing on the recent Social Services White Paper. An opportunity to hear the Minister and grill him. I managed to get my question to the Minister in. Others were concerned with the complexity of regionalised inspection and funding, but I was on my pet subject of young people in care - are we going to stop institutionalising them, and recognise that vulnerable young people are not a problem to be swept under the carpet, but in need of love and care. Which is interesting, because that is very much a theme of the episode in hand. On top of this, I have my papers for next Monday's meeting of the Lay Review Panel (the Tyrones) and the Community Homes Committee (the young Zoes). The papers for the Lay Review are often harrowing, we have to deal with often gruesome family histories of the young person in question. And though we aren't supposed to take a personal interest in the residents of the homes, we do get a disturbing picture of the way things work in the homes, and the devastating effect it has on young people like Zoe - I'd hesitate to write off anything that they may do in later life as unrealistic.
Anyway, after noting the sponsorship by Cadbury's Roses,accompanied by my favourite amongst the chocolate vignettes -the cat chasing a pigeon among the chimney tops, let's begin withthe aforesaid Zoe running down the stairs at home, with Ashleyin pursuit.She is agitated as he grabs her by the shoulder, apparentlyto stop her leaving by the front door. "What did you thinkI was going to do now," she protests, "cook breakfastfor you? Do the ironing?". Asserting his authority - we'llsee him trying to do a lot of this - Ashley interposes himselfbetween Zoe and the door, thwarting her. Resigned, she sits witharms folded. We learn from her, near-hysterically and disturbingly,that after her abduction from Planet Nirab the previous nightshe'd been dragged home in Gary's van and locked in her room allnight. She is a tightly-coiled spring this morning. "You'vegone right over the top this time Ashley," she accuses, "You'rewarped!". Ashley thinks that if he's warped, then she shouldtake a good look at her friends. "Yeah, well," she ripostes,"I have, and they don't go round kidnapping people."Ashley tries to persuade her that that's exactly what they dodo, except that she doesn't realise it. "Well, maybe theyare, but it's not against my will". Ashley once again triesto assert authority, though he's sowing the seeds of his own destruction,as we shall see presently. "But it's against mine!".What he's doing is all for her sake, she'll realise one day. ButAshley is showing himself behaving like a possessive mother. "Whenyou start behaving like an adult, that's when I'll treat you likeone. And Zoe's mindset is slowly being revealed. the Foundation,unlike Ashley, didn't treat her like a child, they appreciatedwhat she's got to offer. Ay, there's the rub. Oh, but jealouslyprotective Ashley jumps on that - Ben can see what she's got tooffer. But, says Zoe, that's typical, he can't see past the sex."Take a look in the mirror," she remarks with uncharacteristicwisdom, "You're just a spoilt kid that's had his toy takenaway from him and doesn't like it".Perhaps Ashley isn't being like an overprotective mother.Zoe has never really known a mother. Perhaps what is grating onher is that he is acting like the residential social workers inher children's homes, he's certainly being more and more autocratictowards her. Unlike parents, however, social workers are boundby rules and regulations and procedures that must be adhered to.These rules and regulations and procedures are to protect theworker, but must inevitably inhibit the relationship with thechild, who is often disturbed and lacking in love anyway. Letme offer a glimpse into the real-life world of children's homes,where events happen every day that would be dismissed as unrealisticif they appeared in a soap. From a report to the Community HomesCommittee... "One incident where ******* (15) was restrained, following threatening behaviour to a staff member. There is some concern about the nature of the restraint. The staff member concerned will not be working during the investigation. Well, it's an impossible job, one that I couldn't do and I admire immensely those who take it on and succeed.
And nurses, too, are bound by strict rules and procedures,a fact which Martin is brooding on as he rubs his neck - or isit Gail standing behind him, giving him a neck massage? "It'sstupid!" says Martin. "Malicious!" corrects Gail."Les Battersby is a conniving con-artist". But that'snot what Martin meant, he's the one who's stupid, he should haverealised why the rules were there. "Rules are a pain in theneck," he says, instinctively rubbing his neck some more."Rules are a waste of time, rules are there to be broken.But we forget the rules are there for us as well - if I'd followedthe rules, this would never have happened". It's a real conundrum,as Gail suggests, if he'd followed the rules, a patient mighthave died. Because he didn't, another patient very nearly did.It might have been entirely Les's fault, but Martin doesn't feelthis would come out at the inquiry. It's a simple question - didhe follow the procedure. Answer: No! A concerned Gail takes hercoat off, offering to stay with Martin rather than go to the cafe.But he declines her offer - she'll go to work, he'll go to thehospital to find out if there's any news. "You never know,they might decide to drop it all. Huh! Fat Chance!"Ashley picks up the ringing phone, and brusquely tellsthe caller "No she's not!". But she is - Zoe snatchesthe receiver off him. "Hello? Hiya Ben!" Ashley glaresat her as he listens to her side of the conversation. Tonight?...Yes, that's brilliant... See you later!" As she hangs upshe folds her arms defiantly and turns away from Ashley, who demands"What do you mean? See you later?" Silence. Increasinglythe impatient parent of a naughty child, he repeats "I said,what do you mean?" "Ben's coming over tonight",she replies, with new-found confidence. "Oh no he isn't!""Ashley, don't be a pillock, you can't keep me a prisonerall my life". Ben is picking her up tonight, they're goingaway. Ashley remonstrates that Ben is driving a wedge betweenthem. It's pantomime season - "Oh no he hasn't!" saysZoe. "Oh yes he has!" says Ashley. "No," saysZoe, and starts to astonish Ashley, "because there was nowtthere to start with". He can't believe he's hearing this,but she's starting to get the upper hand now. She tells him sheknows it makes her sound like a hard-faced cow, but they neverhad anything. He took pity on her, that's all. No, protests Ashley,he loved her, and he loved Shannon. "We all loved Shannon"she says, wistfully, as if the household were an extension ofher children's home core group, which, of course, for her it is.Ashley spots Zoe's vulnerability on this subject - this is whatit's all about, a baby. But, says Ashley, we can have a baby.But Zoe doesn't want to talk about it, she's going away. And theaxe falls - where she's going is America.On the subject of children damaged by their upbringing,Tyrone and Jackie are packed and ready to leave Deirdre's flat.Deirdre can hardly get over the fact that they're going, and hernightmare will soon, she thinks, be over. She worries whetherthey will be OK but Jackie is ready as ever with some dubiousreassurance, and torments Deirdre with a reminder of how she dupedDeirdre about the heated swimming pool and jacuzzi in the prison.This makes Deirdre very uncomfortable, especially when Jackienudges Tyrone about it. Those were the days!" she says, rubbingDeirdre's nose right in the dirt. "Yer made some good matesin prison, didn't yer!". Deirdre is not, apparently, anxiousto detain them, but Jackie likes talking about old times - Deirdrefrostily tells her that she prefers talking about new times. Butshe does hope they'll be all right - "Christmas in some littlebedsit?" Jackie has to watch her step here for fear of givingaway her real plans. She invites herself back for Christmas dinner,an invitation which Deirdre hastily declines. "It's beenlovely, but, ermmmmm..... I'm going away!" she improvises.And starts getting nosey - where is this bedsit anyway? Jackieis grasping for a story. "Oh, it's not far!". In anattempt to buy them off, Deirdre then attempts a major sacrifice;from the drinks cabinet she produces a bottle of champagne, whichshe gives to Jackie. "Say thank you to Auntie Deirdre" says Jackie, patronisingly, to Tyrone.
Tyrone mumbles thanks. "Give Auntie Deirdre a big kiss!" says Jackie, patronisingly, to Tyrone.
Tyrone looks disgusted, as does Deirdre; this is anoffer she can easily refuse. "Oh no, you've got to bring 'em up proper!" says Jackie, "Say 'thank you, Auntie Deirdre'" "Naff off!" mumbles Tyrone, gallantly. "Now you must be nice because you might be popping back to Auntie Deirdre's for your dinner now and then.
Deirdre can only respond with a look of horror. Takingtheir bags, they finally leave Deirdre's flat.In the cafe we find another one damaged by an overprotectiveparent. Roy is anxious that Gail hasn't forgotten he has a carol-singingrehearsal that afternoon. No, she hasn't forgotten, says Gail,waspishly, but she does have other things on her mind. Mainly,one assumes, Martin, who at this moment enters the cafe. No, hehas no news from the hospital. "If they know anything, they'rekeeping it close to their chests. the manager he saw was too embarrassedto talk to me".In bounces irrepressible Hayley, in a state of considerableexcitement. "I've got 'em!" she cries, beaming. Gotwhat, we, and Roy, wonder. It's the carol sheets, which she pullsfrom her handbag. Mike has kindly allowed her to photocopy themon the factory copier in exchange for two hours unpaid overtime.Which sounds to me like a rip-off whichever way you look at it,but Hayley is *so* innocent. (And has anybody told the PerformingRights Society?). All Hayley's favourites are there. "OhRoy!" she sighs passionately. What's Roy's favourite carol.He looks nervously as he tries to think - he's got to impress,with his feeling that Hayley can do everything better than him.Apparently he's partial to "A-wassailing over the heatherwe gang", which I've never heard of and neither, apparently.So, he chants it in a dull monotone, prompting Hayley to ask,impishly, "Has it not got a tune?" Of course, he doesn'tknow, because there was only the, er, words, you see, not themusic. "Oh Roy!" says Hayley, turning away so he can'tsee her sniggering. Roy quickly changes the subject - it's goingto be their first Christmas together. He'd never he'd have Christmaswith somebody he loved, that is, apart from his Mum. And his AuntieEileen. And that was years ago! "And I just want you to knowthat...," pausing as he grasps for the right words, "eventhough we've not had it yet... I'll never forget it... I meanwhen we've had it... like, when it's over... I'll always rememberit. Our first Christmas!" How terribly, terribly Roy! Lovely!Ashley is not letting go. He knows Zoe thinks they'renot getting on, but he insists that they are. "Stop it!"she screams at him. She's not making a mistake, she insists, determinedly,she's doing what's best for her. And, she adds, what's best forhim. And here it all comes, in a torrent. She's not the one forAshley, she insists, he wants someone nice who appreciates him.He's wasted on her, Zoe, she's not good enough for him. "Youare! Don't run yourself down!" says Ashley, in desperation.Zoe collects herself, and sits beside him. Now cool, and rational,she begins to patiently drop her bombshell."We're not suited, but Ashley, it's not me, it'syou!" She pauses while he takes this in. "Ashley - you'rea lovely bloke, you're good, kind, caring, considerate. You'reeverything a woman finds boring". She's got devils insideher screaming to get out, she wants to do mad things, excitingthings, dangerous things. "Inside you," she tells him,"there's this little old lady going 'ooooh can you shut thedoor please!'". Ashley is dumbstruck. "Like I said,you come on more like a mum than a boyfriend. But you'll meetother girls - girls who'll love you for your kindness but who'lllook elsewhere for excitement... You've got to change - or you'llgo through life having your heart broken - just like I'm doingnow. Get a life!" And she offers to make some tea, as a tearfulAshley just looks devastated. And we know that, deep in his heart,he realises that Zoe is right.I N T E R M I S S I O NIn the Rovers it's time for the annual inspection forthe Good Beer Guide, as we can see a man in CAMRA uniform of colourfulpullover and beard in the background, supping a pint. Alec affectssurprise at bumping into Audrey. "Oh Audrey,", he fawns,"How lovely to see you!". Glancing at her cleavage "Myword, is that blouse new? Really Audrey, the way you've managedto maintain your position at the cutting edge of haute couture!"- "What do you want Alec?" asks Audrey, suspiciously.He'll buy her a drink, on the house of course. So,he really *does* want a favour. We glimpse Gail and Sally in deepconversation at a table. "What's up with them two?"asks Alec, "if they don't cheer up soon I'm going to haveto move them on - they're seriously affecting the ambience.Sally is trying to reassure Gail. "Martin's toogood a man to suffer" she tells her. Gail turns the topicround to Sally, and what she, and the girls, will be doing forChristmas. "What's Kevin said?" Not much, apparently."Well, surely he's going to arrange something for you andthe girls?" Gail is quite sure Sally will be home for Christmas,Sally isn't so sure. "Wonderful for the girls. But me andKevin..." "Oh," says Gail, Christmas spirit, families,fires... Kevin'll love it." Well, yes, one suspects it wouldbe a fiery Christmas chez Webster.Alec is back behind the bar, the worse for wear. Whatwould Audrey think of another hostelry in the area? Audrey, toAlec's unconcealed chagrin, thinks it would be a good idea. Well,she was never the soul of tact. "Competition, Alec! Keepyou on your toes! Bring the prices down!". No, Audrey, I'mafraid that wasn't the right answer. Sorry Audrey. Alec leansover the bar confidentially. "supposing 'mine host' of saidestablishment was one Roy Cropper...". Ah well, that's different.No, Audrey doesn't think that would be too clever - anyway Roy'sgot the caff, hasn't he. But Alec becomes even more confiding,with a tilt of the head and a wink. "Moving!" he whispers.Well, Audrey is staggered - Gail hasn't told her Mum! Delinquentchildren! How does Alec know anyway? Because Roy had the brassneck to ask Alec for advice, that's how. And, the cheek of it,he wants a drinks licence! And now Alec wants Councillor Mrs Robertsto play her part. Audrey's eyes light up. "Do you want meto perform the opening ceremony?" she asks, hopefully. Doh!No, what Alec wants is some strategic input to the appropriatecommittee. Which is silly of Alec as a licensee, because he reallyought to know that drinks licences are granted by magistrates,not the local authority. And Audrey, so far as I am aware, isnot a magistrate. (Though I think Alf is, isn't he?) Perhaps he'sreferring to planning permission, though if the new premises alreadyhave A3 permission there's nothing even Audrey can do. Sorry,got carried away with my planning hat on. Audrey, however, thinksshe can do something, because she gives Alec a knowing wink.Jackie is pleased with Curly's house, as Tyrone strugglesthrough with the bags, sulkily. "I don't really have to goto me Auntie Dreary's [sic] for me tea, do I? he asks. But fromnow on, she tells him, they'll have their tea in their own place.The man from CAMRA is still in the Rovers, as Roy burstsin, anxious again that Gail hasn't forgotten his carol rehearsal,as he's left the cafe in Toyah's hands. Irritated, Gail gets upto leave but is intercepted by Audrey. "Not now Mum!"she protests, "I'm late for the cafe". But Audrey wantsto know all about the new venture. "Oh, it is still openthen?" she asks. Puzzled, Gail replies "Yes of course- but not for much longer if I leave Toyah in charge. Gail ofcourse knows nothing about any new premises and gets even moreirritated and waspish. She's not impressed. Cut to the villain,Roy, to whom Hayley is bearing drinks. "I'm not normallya believer in Dutch courage," insists Roy, stiffly, "butI have found that a small sweet sherry can steady my nerves".Apparently he has misgivings about the singing. Hayley begs himto stop worrying. But "Well, it's all right for you, voicelike an angel and looks to match". But he, Roy, well, "whenthey asked if he could hold a tune, he thought it meant he wasin charge of the cough sweets". Nice one.Gail emphatically assures Audrey that they're not moving.And with a fierce glare at Roy, intimates that she'll drum itinto him so that he's under no illusions that they are...Zoe ushers the hugely pregnant Judy into the livingroom. A hugely pregnant Judy is just what Zoe doesn't want tosee. "Can I sit down?" asks Judy. "Yeah - if you'resure you think you can get back up again". Zoe is adamantthat she's going, despite Judy's pressure. She knows her own mind."Zoe," says Judy, "you're running away from reality".But Zoe is ready for this. "yeah - but what's reality everdone for me? Reality put me in a children's home, it killed mybaby" "Those peop... Your friends, they talk a load of rubbish" "Like my social workers" "They'll let you down" "Like my social workers"
As Judy pesters Zoe to stay ever more insistently,Zoe stands and starts humming her mantra, a technique obviouslydesigned to shut out external distractions. This scares Judy,who snaps at her. But Zoe has got plenty of fight yet. Yes, it'sall coming clear, how the Foundation fit in with her background.Zoe has never had a family, she's always lived in groups, onlythe people in this group love her. She points out that Judy hadShannon christened, that's another form of belief. She, Zoe, believesshe'll see Shannon again - she needs that belief to cling to. "What about Ashley? Doesn't he deserve something?" "Yes, he does. Someone better than me". And tenderly, "Look after him for me".
Tyrone is once again slouched on Curly's sofa clutchingthe TV remote control, as Jackie dances in singing. "Anotherday, another dollar, another four pairs of knickers" shesings, as she pulls from her coat pockets four pairs of ill-gottenUnderworld knickers (that's panties for our North American readersby the way, just in case there's any confusion). Tyrone doesn'tsee the point of all these knickers, though perhaps Jackie isthinking of setting herself up in competition with Sally on themarket. "Go and make your mother a nice cup of tea babe!"the point, apparently, is "keeping your hand in and earningan honest few bob". Haha! She complains that Tyrone hasn'teven unpacked, but he protests that none of the bags are his andone is just full of knickers. he hasn't got much. What happenedto the shopping list she gave him when he went into care? Jackiewants to know. What's the point of going into care if you don'tget given a new wardrobe by Social Services? (In Bristol theyget given a modest clothing allowance, I don't know what Weatherfield'spolicy is). Jackie, opening in the fridge, finds two cans of beer- cans which Marcus obviously missed last week when he couldn'tfind any beer at all! And tells Tyrone to go check the fella'sclobber.Out in the Street the carol singers, including Royand Hayley, are singing "Silent Night". Hayley singssweetly, Roy exaggeratedly badly. Alma appears, looks approvinglyat Hayley, then distastefully at Roy, before moving on. A collectorknocks at a door. Emily emerges, primly bearing a tray of mincepies and glasses, just at the moment when Les Battersby is passingby. Les helps himself to two mince pies, to Emily's consternation."Cheers Emily!" he says, "and an 'appy Christmasto you too!". Then he turns to Roy. "Hey Roy, do usa favour, change yer underpants will yer? They're obviously toosmall". He then picks up a glass and drains it, before goingon his way. Hayley nudges Roy, perhaps he'd be better collecting,she suggests.Tyrone has checked out Curly's wardrobe and is pleasedwith himself, modelling Curly's black leather jacket which, youwill recall, Curly bought when, like Ashley, he was accused ofbeing boring. "This guy must have been a right perv!".Jackie has a giggling fit, but is pulled up short as Alma comesin, looking somewhat gobsmacked. "What are you doing here?asks Alma. "What are *you* doing here?" asks Jackie.They are lodgers, which is news to Alma, who has been chargedwith looking after Curly's house. Jackie spins a yarn. She can'tbe looking after it very well, leaving the window open like that- anybody could have got in! This is trying Alma's patience. "That'sit - get out, the pair of you!. "No way, baby doll!" exclaims Jackie insolently.
Alma loses her temper. That's it, she's calling thepolice. Jackie pushes her towards the door. "Well, you dothat love, but you do it outside. And wish them a merry Christmasfrom Jackie Dobbs". And to address their Christmas card tonumber 7 Coronation Street, because that's where they live, they'resquatters and they have rights. And after Alma has been pushedthrough the door, mother and son go through a hand-slapping ritual."Now, where's that champagne, of Auntie D?".Well, I don't know about you, but I think it's beenpretty good so far. But pay attention, because we're almost thereand what follows is nothing short of masterful.Leanne, Janice and Nick are propping up the bar ofthe Rovers as Les enters, chilled. "Thank goodness for ChristianCharity!" says Les. "I say, them warm mince pies wentdown a treat". The first thing Les is going to do when hegets his compo, he declares loudly, is buy Roy some singing lessons."That man's got a voice that could curdle paint!". Janicecynically points out that he, Les, is not exactly Tom Jones. Shehas already noticed how quickly Les is getting through his compoand he hasn't got it yet. But there's plenty to go round, he bragsto Leanne. "Hey sweetheart, what can I get you? Just nameit."Cut to Gail and Martin who, unobserved by the Battersbys,are seated just along the crowded bar, hearing every word."A dishwasher would be nice", continues Les,responding to Leanne's suggestion. "No, we'll have two.Cut back to Gail and Martin, the former stonily stern,the latter taking off his jacket.Janice observes that there's no stopping Les now. "And,"says Les, "why should there be? That pillock that nearlykilled me, he's going to be our ticket to health and prosperity.If he was here now, I'd buy him a pint.Cut to Martin, who introduces himself. "Yeah -I'd throw it in your face!". Leanne, poor dear, looks asif she wishes she were a very, very long way off.Les is feeling truculent. "Talk of the... Thenurse from Hell! Thanks to you, I'll be getting my just desserts". "And if I lose my job?" says Martin, looking away. "You'll get yours".
At which point, Martin springs at Les, fists flying,and pushes him to the floor. In the ensuing melee, Nick pullsMartin off, "He's not worth it!". Les glares at Martinfrom the floor. Martin mutters "Just desserts!" as heglares back, then turns to walk smartly out of the door.In the Street, the carol singers are singing "Godrest ye merry, gentlemen". Roy is no longer singing, he hashis songsheet under his arm and awkwardly holds a bucket. Hayleyis warbling away, having a whale of a time. They look in consternation,with out breaking the singing, as Martin and Gail appear frombehind them, trying to look calm, while Les, Janice and Nick dogtheir steps. "You want locking up, you do!" shouts Les,and Martin snaps, turns on Les and pushes him. Les retaliates.Nick pulls Martin off. Janice leads Les away, glowering angrilyover his shoulder. And the singers don't miss a note of "Godrest ye merry".We pan across the singers to where a distinctive cream-and-brownDeux-Chevaux is waiting. We see Leanne running across from theRovers. A second or so later, at the words "Glad tidingsof comfort and joy", a sad and uncomfortable Ashley and ajoyless Zoe appear from the other direction. "Zoe, what areyou doing?" asks Leanne. "Where are you going?" "I'm going" "Where?"
Ben looms silently, and fatherly, behind Zoe's shoulder. "Wi' Ben. For good".
Leanne looks quizzically at Ashley, who slowly andsadly nods. He's defeated.Leanne hugs Zoe tightly, sobs can be heard.Cut to Gary and Judy, crossing the street towards them,as the singers start on "Away in a manger, no crib for abed" - nice one for pregnant Judy.Leanne, still hugging Zoe, looks pained at Gary andJudy. Ashley nods sadly at them too, as they look baffled.Zoe, crying, crosses to Judy, they hug as Ashley lookson grimly. Then she hugs Gary.Zoe returns to face Ashley. They look intently at eachother, then Ashley hugs her too, as her tearful face appears overhis shoulder.And with that, she silently gets into the car, andthey drive off. Just as the line "Bless all the dear childrenin thy tender care" seems to hang in the air.Leanne is crying.Nick is crying.And Ashley, too, is crying. From his pocket he producesa framed photograph of Zoe and Shannon, and fingers it sadly,as...Tears roll down Rosalind's cheeks.And also...The credits roll. There now. Wasn't that smashing? I loved it. This episode had the lot, profound social concerns, the right measure of humour with some splendid throwaway lines, a bit of action. It was also very well structured, starting slowly and working up to a quite magnificent climax. Some episodes clearly mark time, just advancing storylines, but this one was a self-contained playlet in it's own right. And as for Joanne Froggatt, I never though she had it in it. I've never warmed either to the character or the actress, but here she blossomed, she gets my bouquet for the star performance of the week and now I'm thinking it's such a pity it looks like her last appearance. A big round of applause for scriptwriter Peter Mills.
Until the next time,Love Peace and Happiness, RosalindFriday 18 December
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update.... Well, as I type this out on Saturday night, I recall that this time last week, there we were in a Manchester pub, having our Christmas Shop-Ping and dinner, in the company of none other than Julie Hesmondhalgh, aka the delightful Hayley in The Street. Annie has already written up a comprehensive report on the ping and there is not a lot more for me to add, except to say, what a great weekend we had in some lovely company and what a lovely lady Julie is - she entertained us with anecdotes regarding the Street and her working relationship with David Neilson, who plays Roy Cropper. She is a very caring and genuine person - a good Northern lass, feet firmly on the ground, with a love of and interest in her fellow traveller on this planet. A real gem!! Julie, you're a star!!! Thanks for coming along to the Ping and making it a very special one for us. Here we are the last weekend before Christmas. The activities associated with the festive season go into overdrive. Trude finished work yesterday for the Christmas holidays, so it was the usual round of kids parties during the week, plus the staff dos. She changes jobs in the new year, so it was leaving time, after 6 years in her current role and 4 terms with her present schools. Her unintended present from the kids on leaving, was the grotty cold virus doing the rounds in both schools, so she has spent the last 24 hours or so largely tucked up in bed, going through Vitamin C drinks like there was no tomorrow. We are off on Monday to see Rod Stewart live, so hopefully, she should be much better by then. Christmas seems to be a time of year to reflect back on previous Christmases. This weekend in 1981, I was hauled to my bosses office to be given notice of redundancy following a tricky time that my then employer was experiencing. So I was saddened to hear from a dear friend this week, that, potentially she faces a similar fate, following a change of policy in her field. The key issue here is control, not in some megalomaniac sense, rather the context of feeling you are the master of your destiny. We never really are, of course, as one day, you can be doing a job well and all of a sudden, your world can be turned upside down by something totally beyond your influence. Most of us spend our lives in a relatively comfortably groove and it tends to be traumatic events such as redundancy, which force us out of that position and maybe get us looking at alternatives, hitherto unconsidered. It's been a similar year for me too, as I have faced up to the view at the crossroads. So, dear friend, smile, decide what it is that you want from life and your career and act accordingly - potential redundancy does not make you any less of a person and does not minimise your achievements. In other words, take control and move forward. Good fortune :)!
The episode commences at Ashley's. It's the morningafter, but there is no cause for celebration, or even a "morningafter" pill. You will recall that Scruffy Spice (aka Zoe)had well and truly dumped RAshley. Even calling in the SAS inform of Gareh and Plank and abducting her back from the Alienswas to no avail. She had made her mind up that her mission inlife was to lie back and procreate for Nirab - all in the causeof meeting up again with her bebeh, Shannon, in the after life.So there he is, contemplating life AZ (after Zoe) with Leanne.She tells him she thinks he was really brave letting her go, lastnight. Ashley recognises that he never really had much of a choice,there was no point. Zoe had let him know what she really thoughtof him, according to her, they never had anything anyway, he wasmore like a mother than a boyfriend. What's more, Zoe had toldAshley he was boring. "The little cow, after everything you'vedone for her" exclaims Leanne. "I think that was herpoint, I'm too pleasant" says Ashley. "Is it right thatgirls like their men strong?" he asks her, "am I toosoft, like an old woman." She replies "of course you'renot" but the tone of her voice and the glazed look in hereyes give the game away. Zoe's words have struck home and todayis the first day of the new Ashley, he tells her.We are in Roy's Rolls and one half of our favouritecouple is about to go to work. As she does so, Hayley noticesa rather glum looking Roy pondering on his wheatie flakes. Sheremarks how he was unhappy all night, he had hardly touched hismalted milk drink - she cannot go to work when he's like this.Awwwww!! The plea for him to cheer up doesn't really work andthat won't do for our determined lass, that's not her Roy, 'tisthe season to make merry. Ah well, he owns up, it is if you havethe resources - poor lad, he is still smarting from last night,as well. Only, in this case, it was the quality of his carol singingwhich caused problems - the sound of his voice making merry madeeveryone else miserable (and ended up with him being posted onmoney monitor duty). "Nonsense, not everybody" repliesthe Red Anoraked one. "I love your voice!" she tellshim. Modest as ever, he is surprised. She thinks it's "very.....very sexy!". He is even more surprised, but secretly chuffedto mintballs. It put her in mind "of them French singers,you know, like, Charles Aznavour, people like that." Awwwww!!!And she means it too!!! What a sweetie!!! Roy confides that hehas been accused of singing off-key but Hayley says that's howthey do it on the Continent "sort of husky and slightly adriftof the main melody." Out comes the notepad, as he writesdown the name "Charles, what's his name again?" Shetells him and he asks whether she has any of his long-players.Unfortunately not, so he decides a wander down to the librarylater on might be in order, to see if they've got any. Here attemptsat building up his confidence have worked too well, because hewonders whether he ought to have another bash at the singing larkand join the main body of the choir. Hastily, she manages to persuadehim that it wouldn't be a good idea - she thinks he makes a farbetter collector, because he's "very appealing." "Appealingand sexy!" he remarks, maybe it does make sense to play toyour strengths. "That's the spirit" replies Hayley asshe plants him a kiss and leaves for work. What a duo!! Absolutemagic.As she does so, Gail rushes in to start the day's work."Bonjour, Gail" is Roy's greeting. "Don't bonjourme" replies Crabby Spice, "What's this about movingand how come you haven't you told me?", she asks. "Ah,the offer from the man at the bike shop" he replies. Shetells him she has learned of the move from her mother and expressessurprise that he hasn't told her. He points out that he has triedto talk to her. "And what's this about a drinks licence?"she continues. He tells her that he felt it important that hisfeasibility study should embrace all aspects of the catering spectrum.("Eh?" thinks Gail "wassat when it's at home?")He has included a cost-benefit analysis for a mobile service,should they wish to explore that. "So we're not opening awine bar?" asks Crabby. Roy explains that this is just oneof the options explored, personally, he prefers the caféstyle - you know, stick to your strengths, he tells her. She mustread the report soon, though, as the man at the bike shop wantsa decision soon. She agrees. As an aside, he asks her whethershe has heard of a Charles Aznavoir. "The man who owns thebike shop?" asks Gail. "Does he?" replies Roy,totally missing the point!!! LOL!!The action moves to Curly's place, where we hear ScouseSlagette, Jackie Dobbs calling her slob - sorry, teenage - son,Tyrone, to tell him she's off to work. He is not to let anyonein and while he's at it, he is to go down to the shops, and getsome milk, some tea and some crisps for your lunch. When he holdshis hand out for money, he is told to improvise - ooh, that'swhat they call shoplifting, do they? Oh, and he is to clean theplace and make it nice and tidy. When he protests that it isn'teven their house, so why can't the geezer that lives here do itwhen he gets back? "Because we don't know when he's comingback, divvie!" is her reply. Anyway, she continues, theymight not let him back in, as possession is nine-tenths of thelaw. This is their house now. so, he is not to let anyone in,"not without a warrant."Coming out of the house, she meets Deirdre in the streeton her way to work. Our Dee is somewhat surprised to see her comingout of Curly's place. Slagette tells Deirdre that it's their house,they live here now. When Deirdre protests that she cannot livethere, as Curly lives there. It's pretty obvious from the conversationwhich follows that Jackie doesn't know the lad, which promptsDeirdre to ask how can she be living there. "Has he givenyou permission?" she asks. "No, of course not, he'snot there is her?" replies Slagette. Doh!! Of course!! Jackieexplains how, following the classes in prison, she is doing hercivic responsibility bit, rehabilitating herself, she took itto heart. As soon as she heard about Baldy's house - "Curly's",corrects Deirdre - she thought that an empty house, it might beat risk from squatters, so she decided to move in and look afterit!!! LOL!!! So her and Tyrone are unpaid security guards, shetells Deirdre. To say Dee looks gobsmacked at this brass facedcheek is an understatement, as Jackie takes her leave, becauseshe is going to be late for work.Kevin comes across Deirdre, who is clearly disconcertedat the turn of events. As she goes to work, Martin comes along.Kevin comments on how Martin is front page news in the papers."Nurse duffs up patients. The battering of a Battersby"alliterates Kevin. He is clearly amused by the story, but thoseare not Martin's feelings. He is pretty tetchy and irritable.Kevin's assurances that nobody will believe Les Battersby cutno ice with Martin - he is suspended from work, with disciplinaryproceedings hanging over him, this is not going to be a pleasantChristmas. Anyway, that's enough of his problems, "what aboutyou?" asks Martin. He tells Kevin that Sally had given Gailthe distinct impression that Christmas was going to be a timefor all of them. Kevin looks unimpressed by this.Back at Ashley's, Leanne has come in for her lunch.Nick has been studying Nutrition at college and prepared a salad,cos it's good for you. Protesting that it's cold outside, shereplies, "No Nick, chocolate's good for you, burgers aregood for you, this is just going to freeze my insides out."(I ponder on the fact that in the last 24 hours, I have practicallysingle handedly devoured a whole "Cadbury's Roses" boxgiven to my wife as a leaving present from someone at her oldschool.) As she goes to put some soup on (yep, I had two bowlsof soup, as well - I mean, Trude's gone to bed early with hercold and you can't leave half a can of the stuff can you?), shetells Nick how fed up Ashley has been following Zoe's departureand how he was talking about toughening himself up. Jokingly,she suggests he might get some tips off Martin and how she wassurprised Les hadn't hit Martin, the other night - this hits araw nerve with Nick, who makes a jibe about there being nothingwrong with Les and getting to the truth of the matter. When Leannegets uppity about Nick calling Les a liar, Nick tells her thathe doesn't need to say he is one, as everyone knows already knowsthat. Under normal circumstances, he might laugh at this latestshabby scam of Les', but what kind of Christmas are Gail and thekids going to have, he asks. Leanne retorts that maybe Martinshould have taken more care of Les, but this prompts Nick to mutterunder his breath that he should have finished Les off.Kevin bumps into Sally as she comes out of the factory.He tells her he has heard she has been discussing with Gail, aboutthe possibility of her coming across to his place for Christmas.She looks embarrassed, but Kevin appears to reassure her by suggestingshe comes across tonight and they can discuss it. She looks quiteheartened by this move of Kevin's. She agrees to pop over afterthe kids have gone to bed.Still out in the street, Les is just hobbling intoa taxi, when Janice accosts him. He is off to the doctor's, hetells her, to one who specialises in medical mistakes.We see Tyrone coming out of Curly's. As he does so,Toyah has come home and is opening the door to her house, nextdoor. Ty tries his own line of chat up, but to no avail, "Bogoff" being her response. "You can't talk to me likethat, not now I'm your neighbour" he explains. Toyah is puzzledby this statement. He tells her he liked the CD she was playinglast night in her room "'All Saints', shame your mam toldyou to turn it off, what time was that? A quarter to eleven....Just think, there's only six inches between me and you."He winks at her. We see one worried and disconcerted Toyah!At Underworld, Greg has popped in to see Mike. We hearone of those awkward starts to a conversation. Greg asks how isMike, Mike, smiling, says he's alright. Greg asks how are things,Mike, grinning even more, replies fine, couldn't be better. "Andthe deal, how did it go?" asks Greg, finally getting to thepoint. Mike chortles "that's sorted." Greg "Brilliant.Just what I need, a Christmas bonus." Mike "Oh, someonegiving you a Christmas bonus, are they?" Greg "Well,we did agree the terms. I secure the contract, you get the sale,I get the introduction fee." Mike, incredulously "Weagreed that?" Greg "You know we did." Mike, shakinghis head "I don't know. My memory. It's my age..... I'llgive you a tip on fitness training. On yer bike." LOL!! Everfelt shafted, Greg?... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the endof part 1After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences back at the café.Alma is face to face with a gobsmacked Spider, whose sole repertoireseems to be limited to "Wow" and "well, well".She has just told him about Scouse Slagette squatting at Curly'splace. She was hoping for some action and recommendations as towhat to do, with him being more well informed on the matter. He'snot sure what his position is on the matter, this is very serious.He is torn in his allegiances, "it's difficult", hetells her, "in principle, squatting is a legitimate meansof drawing attention to the lack of affordable housing in thiscountry." It's also Curly's house we are talking about hereand he's clearly not sure how to resolve that conflict in hismind, as it has never arisen before. None of his mates have everhad houses, till Curly. "Well, now you're moving throughthe social classes, you had better decide where you stand"points out Alma. He has the answer. He is going to go round thereand tell them he shares solidarity and then ask them to respectCurly's space.The camera pans to Roy and Hayley in another wonderfullittle piece of dialogue. Roy "Well, how big?"
Hayley "Big."
R "Are you sure?"
H "Oh yeah, size is important, you know."
R "Is it?"
H "Yeah."
R "Well, I've always managed with quite a small one up till now."
H "And I bet it were artificial?"
R "It was!!!"
H "Yeah well. Now you've met me."
R "Well, that's true. Where are we gonna put it?"
H "In the corner over there, clear the table back a bit."
R "Well, won't it shed needles and such like?"
H "Not any more, they've got trees that are specially treated now."
She points out that it's just once a year, in any case,this might be the first Christmas he spends here. Won over byher charm, he agrees, much to her delight.Deirdre has joined Ken and Emily for a drink in theRovers. She is seething, "squatters at Curly's", shetells them. "And it gets worse, it's Jackie and Tyrone."Disappointed looks on faces all round.Les has arrived for his doctor's appointment. "Ah,yes, the unfortunate narcosis" says Dr Nicholls. "No.Drug overdose, me" replies Les, "have you got the rightperson?" "Judging from Neville's description, I don'tthink there's any doubt of that We don't make mistakes, Mr Battersby,we profit from other people's" says the doctor. He explainsthat he needs to ascertain Les' state of health. Les tells himhow lucky he is to be alive, he could have been a walking vegetable."Could have?" asks Dr Nicholls (LOL!!!). "As itis, I'm OK" continues Les. A pause as Les twigs that theidea is to paint a picture of how bad he actually is, "Oh,gotcha". "Precisely, could have is not something wewant to dwell on" says our medic. He asks Les about his concentration.Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs! I was only saying tomy Janice yesterday, 'beloved, I said, best put the Scrabble awaytonight, I don't think I'm up to it. What was I saying?""Concentration." "Oh yeah, shot to pieces.""Aha, What about memory." "Err. Oh, I don't remember.It used to be alright." "I think you've got the idea,Mr Battersby. Now is there anything you'd like to tell me.""Well, er, things haven't been too bright in the downstairsdepartment. I was wondering if I could get some of them Viagratablets. I did ask at the hospital but they took no notice ofme." The doctor points out that medical compensation is hisbusiness, however, if he is telling him that, as a result of thisappalling negligence, he is no longer as active as he once was,then that should be included. Les is delighted until he realisesthat he might have to stand up in Court and say that he can'tstand up in court? LOL!!! The doctor tells him that the systemdepends on brave folk like him coming forward, otherwise, allsorts of misdeeds go unaddressed and the Health Service they alllove and respect, simply declines even further. This appeals toLes' civic instincts and he agrees to make a noble sacrifice andmake a stand (as it were), for the cause. The doctor is delighted."Excellent, I only wish there were more patients like you."Les is delighted.Spider has called at Curly's. As Tyrone opens the door,Spider brushes past. He explains that he is on his side, at leastphilosophically. Although this is his mate's house, ideologically,he supports them. Eh? Is the unspoken look on Tyrone's face. Justthen, Scouse Slagette comes in and seeing Spider, asks "who'sthis?" "I don't know, some tosser" replies Ty."What does he want?" "I dunno, he doesn't speakEnglish." "Right cock, you've got ten seconds. Whatare you, what do you want and then out" is her brusque address.Spider explains he is a mate of Curly's. "Right! Out"says Jackie. "Hey, hang on, look. I support you in principle,I just want you to respect Curly's space" replies Spider."Just like I'm gonna respect yours. Now gerrout. Go on, youcrust-heap. See ya. Don't wanna be ya. Now go on. Shift!"With that, Spider is swiftly despatched off the premises. "Sowas he English?" asks the ever-bright Ty. "I don't know.He was nattering on about space. Maybe he is from Mars",concludes Jackie.Following their meeting earlier at the Rovers, Emilyand Ken have called round at Deirdre's. No luck, apparently. Theyhave been to the Citizens Advice Bureau and the Housing AdviceCentre and both have said the same thing - it seems they cannotdo anything without Curly, he is the owner, it is his responsibility,they explain to Deirdre. Apparently, even if Curly were here,he would have to apply for a possession order. Deirdre blamesherself as she brought the wretched woman here in the first place.Sally is at Rita's. She is on her way out to see Kevin."Kevin? And you're smiling?" exclaims Rita. Sally explainsthat she has been asked to call round to discuss Christmas. Shesounds pretty hopeful about things, expressing the view that Kevinseems to have mellowed in the last few days.On her way out, she bumps into Alec on his way in.Rita explains the reason behind Sally's happiness and thinks thatSanta could work his little miracle with those two. Alec asks,surely Rita doesn't still believe in the old man in the red suit?"No, but I believe in his little elf," she replies jovially,patting his cheek.Fred's voice is booming in the Corner Shop, as he istelling Maud, "Them raffle tickets aren't moving very fast,I say, they're not shifting. " Seeing Mike and Alma, he asks"would you like to buy some raffle tickets for a sumptuousChristmas hamper?" Mike asks what it's in aid of. "Smallbusinessmen" replies Fred. "Like the cause, don't likethe prize" quips Mike.On seeing Greg coming in, Fred exclaims "Ah, youngman! Me rent!" Greg tells him that he will have to wait untiltomorrow, the cheque he was expecting didn't materialise. Mikelistens on chuckling. Fred tells Greg in no uncertain terms "ithad better materialise tomorrow, or t'bailiffs!"Mike comments that it serves Greg right after tryingto do the dirty on people. Alma tells Mike that Greg isn't theonly one, look at Jackie Dobbs, there is apprently nothing theycan do about it, well, not legally, that is. Mike asks what theyare going to do, run her out of town? She has a better idea. Whatis it that is keeping her - apart from the house, what other tiesdoes Jackie have in Weatherfield, she asks? "I dunno. A job?"replies Mike. "And if she didn't have that?" queriesAlma. Mike twigs, "you want me to sack her, don't you?""Not want, Mike! Insist!" replies Alma. Mike has thatoutflanked look on his face, as Alma turns to Maud and volunteersMike to buy a raffle ticket.In the Rovers, the Battersby clan are getting briefedby Les on the outcome of his medical appointment. Les is tellingJanice and Leanne, accompanied by Nick, that he stands to getthousands of pounds of compensation, "maybe hundreds of thousands,probably" he dreams, "And he reckons I'll be doing apublic service by exposing the shambles that exists in our hospitals."Nick has had enough of this and says "but never mind thatyou are putting a good man on the dole queue, never mind you'dbe ruining Martin's career." Les is generosity personifiedand advises Nick, that he will make sure that Martin will "notgo short of a bob or two" when he gets his compensation,"now I can't say fairer than that, can I?" Nick's responseis from the heart "and I'll tell you what his answer willbe, shall I? Same as mine. Stuff your money." With that,he gets up and storms out.Ken, Emily and Deirdre are still discussing the ScouseSlagette. Ken is expressing his frustration at the time the legalprocess takes. "Even if we knew where Norman was" addsEmily. Deirdre tells them she wouldn't mind going outside thelaw. At that stage, Jackie pops her head around the corner andtells Deirdre, "you don't wanna do that kid. Look what happenedlast time! Anyway, what are you planing? A bank job?" Deirdretells her the truth, "no, getting rid of you and protectingour friend's property." Jackie's demeanour changes. "Scuseme luv! Now listen up, Deirdre, if you think you can get rid ofus, think again. Me and Tyrone like it here and we're staying.So if I find out that you've been causing trouble, you'll endup thinking that prison was a holiday camp. Know what I'm saying,mate?" Ken interjects "now look here", to whichJackie tells him to "shut it." Oooh, she is so grotesquelymean! the look on Emily's face is an absolute picture.At Roy's Rolls, he and Hayley have finished decoratingthe Christmas tree. He is delighted with it. "I don't knowwhat to say. It's wonderful. I don't think I've ever owned a treebefore. Not a big, proper one. You know, you've transformed Christmasfor me, just like you have transformed my life. Thank you. Somuch. You know this Christmas is going to be the best ...."His speech of joy and gratitude is interrupted by Hayley. Shehas some news she has been trying to tell him - she cannot spendChristmas with him. She has to spend it with her dad's sister,she is a widow and Hayley is all she has got. You can tell thatHayley is very upset by this and tells him how awful she feels."Well, so you should" replies Roy, all hurt. He tellsher that he has been looking forward so much to spending Christmaswith her, this was going to be the summit of his life so far,the best Christmas present, he has ever had, Hayley. She is apologetic,but doesn't want to row over this - she had tried to get out ofit, but she thought her Roy wouldn't want her to leave her auntieon her own at Christmas, in any case, there will be plenty more.Roy has calmed down and seen reason. They hug each other in alovely, endearing display of affection. Awwww!!!Sally has called round at Kevin's. He is telling herthat the kids will want to see her on Christmas day, but he doesn'twant things developing. She can come round in the morning, seethem open their presents, stay for Christmas lunch (he will cookit), takes the girls out in the afternoon, but he wants them backhere for teatime. Sally is shocked, it's all very cold and formal,she tells him, "I take it we won't be exchanging Christmaspresents." His reply has her reeling, "There is somethingelse I want to offer you. A divorce, as soon as Christmas is over."It's Sally's turn to look gobsmacked........and with that.... it is the cue for music andcreditsEpisode written by Peter Mills (and doesn't it show)!!All material is, and remains, copyright property ofITV Television. Well, how was it for me? To paraphrase a well-known saying, what a difference a script makes. Nothing particularly earth-shattering took place tonight, but what an enjoyable episode from a script viewpoint with some great dialogue. Les was amusing in the scene with Dr Nicholls, the medical examiner, as was Spider agonising over his principles when faced with the Dobbs squatters and confronting them. Toyah looked suitably disconcerted by Tyrone Dobbs, right the other side of the dividing wall from her bedroom. Mike was wonderfully wicked having pulled a fast one over Greg over the contract Greg had introduced, thereby getting even - it's quite something when you cheer one rat for getting one over on an even bigger rat!!! Jackie is soooo garish, brash and loud that it ain't true, but it is - there are Slagettes like that around the place. The "unpaid security guards" scene was a gem, turning their squatting in Curly's house to make it look as if she and her son were protecting the house from squatters was a nice touch. From one extreme to the other, lovely bits of dialogue from Roy and Hayley, of course, nicely acted out with gentle humour and sensitivity by our favourite couple. The three scenes featuring them both were gems, as was Roy's scene with Gail.
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, takecare...Season's Greetings to you all, thanks for your loveand support over the last 9 months I have been updating.Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in GloriousGlossop.... Regards, AlanSunday 20 December
This will be the last update from me before Christmas, and I would like to take the opportunity to wish all readers a very happy time, whether it be an occasion for individual celebration or not. [I'm sure it is, for the vast majority of you, but that's no reason to make sweeping generalisations.] This particular atheist holds no qualms about joining in with the general merriment - it's a time for family and friends, and I don't know about you but by the time December comes round every year it really *does* feel like time to wind up one twelve months, have a rest, and start on another one. [So some special thanks to all those folks who carry on working in order for the rest of us not to have to.] It may be just me, but there seems to have been somewhat less razzamatazz leading up to the festive season this year, at least in the UK. Not long back, it seemed that Christmas started just after the summer holidays at the end of August, and by November you could be buying Easter eggs and summer clothes. Anyway, we seem to have backtracked on this and got things back on a sensible timetable, and not before time in my humble opinion. And so to a very topical episode of Corrie, as we would expect, but also to an outstandingly good one, which recently we might not have expected. [And they've changed the titles back. Obviously some new boy was let loose with the HTML !!]
Act 1
We open in the cafe, where Roy and Hayley discuss their arrangementsfor Christmas. Hayley, we recall, has dropped a bombshell by decidingthat her family obligations have to come first, and she will bespending the holiday with her aunt, who has no other close relativesnow that Hayley's father is dead. Roy, after his initial disappointment,is being very gallant and supportive. He asks how old Hayley'saunt is, and we know we're in for a good time this evening whenHayley replies that she is 46 ! Roy asks if she doesn't have anyfriends then, and Hayley tells him that her aunt is a bit shy."It's a family trait", she adds. As she will be leavingthe next day, Roy suggests that they have their own Christmascelebration that very evening. Hayley is delighted, and offersto get some champagne. [In place of Roy's sparkling wine idea.]Sally and Kevin are at loggerheads over Rosie's birthdayarrangements. Sally has naturally presumed that their little girlwill be having a party and inviting lots of friends round, andthere will be so much to organise - is Kevin getting on with it? No, he isn't, because the old sourpuss claims that Rosie istoo old for parties and will be going to Santa's grotto instead.On cue, Rosie and Sophie appear and Sally asks Rosie if she'slooking forward to seeing Santa. About as much as she was lookingforward to Greg being her new Daddy, it would seem. Sally pointsthis out to Kevin, but he's adamant. It's the grotty^ho, or nothing.Gail is looking through Roy's feasibility study onthe possibilities for new ventures, but she's obviously thinkingof other things and tells Roy that she needs to give it more time.Martin and Nick arrive, and add more good cheer to Gail's Christmaswhen they tell her that the battlelines are being drawn betweenthe Platts and the Battersbys over Nick and Leanne. Seated ata table in the cafe, drinking tea, is a Santa. Audrey arrives,and greets him, but he doesn't respond. She says hello to Roy,and asks him if he'll be spending Christmas with Hayley. He tellsthem of their alternative arrangement for that evening. Gail jokesthat he's lucky to be having a proper dinner - with the way thingsare going, the Platts will be having a turkey sandwich and a singlemince pie each. [I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that she mightbe overreacting at the moment. The inquiry at the hospital willundoubtedly drag on for weeks, and Martin will still be gettingfull pay.]It seems a while since we last saw the Duckworths,but in familiar style, Jack is sitting in his vest at the breakfasttable when Vera comes off the phone. Vera is pleased about something- "what's the nicest thing that could happen to you thisChristmas ?", she asks him. A beatific smile crosses hisface, but Vera wallops him across the shoulder and snaps him outof it. [I expect it was something to do with Cameron Diaz anda bottle of baby oil.] The Hortons have invited them over to Blackpoolfor the holiday, to spend time with their grandson, Tommy. Verais delighted. But Jack points out that there's no way Alec isgoing to let them take that much time off from the pub. Alec walksin at this point, and Vera beams at him. "NO !", hegets in first. "No to whatever it is that's making you smileat me like that !". Jack looks on, resigned to another argumentcoming up.In Mike's factory, Jackie finishes off a pair of lacyundies, and puts them in her handbag. Deirdre is walking pastat this exact moment, but it's not clear whether she saw whatwas going on or not, and Jackie distracts her by apologising forher harsh words the night before. To make things up, she invitesDeirdre over to "her place" on Christmas Day. Deirdrelooks more worried than the turkey at this prospect, and hastilyexplains that she's already arranged to go and see her mother.Or work in a soup kitchen. Or anything.Behind the bar, Vera looks as if she's about to tackleAlec about the holiday arrangements, when Alec sees Natalie standingin a dream-world reading a letter. He goes over to talk to her,and once she arrives back on planet Earth, she shows him the letter.It's from her solicitors, finalising the sale of her house andthe proceeds. Alec observes that this will provide a bit of securityfor her future, but Natalie explains that she can only see itas the money that she and Des had planned for *their* future.In the back- ground Jack senses that Alec doesn't want to be disturbed,and restrains Vera from going over to confront him.Off to the corner shop we go now [what's it calledthese days ? I'm sure it's not Alf's Mini Mart any longer...]to find Nick telling Ashley how naffed off he is about Leanne'sattitude to the Martin and Les sideshow. Ashley mentions "loyalty"but Nick thinks she is taking it too far. Judy, meanwhile, istrying to reach something from a high shelf, but being the sizeof a pocket battleship she's having trouble reaching up. Hayleyhelps out. They exchange a little small talk about the babies,and Hayley observes how lucky Judy is. Judy gives her an understandinglook that proves how you don't always have to say something inorder to get your message across. Hayley has remembered that she"happened to notice" that one of the baby shops in townwas offering a year's supply of baby clothing and nappies andprams and stuff, to the first baby born on Christmas Day. [Shealso wandered off on a technical dissection of the pros and consof the various kinds of double buggies available for twins, leadingus to think that this was not some chance window-shopping.] Judythanks her and leaves, as Fred espies Hayley looking at the wineselection. She tells him she's looking for something a littlespecial, and he selects a bottle of champagne, then goes on tosay that he remembers Roy is partial to a spot of Lambrusco, whichis lucky as they have a special deal on with the Count of Lambrusco.Hayley looks thoughtful, and asks if this is Count Alfredo orhis cousin Giovanni ? Fred, caught red-handed, admits that he'dmade it up. Hayley tells him she'd made it up too, but isn't itfun ? Fred doesn't look as if he's enjoyed having the tables turnedon him.Back to the cafe, where Santa 1 has been joined bySantas 2 and 3, to whom Gail is serving tea. The phone rings,and is answered by Roy. It's for Santa. "Which one ?",he asks, "we've got 3 !". He hands the phone to Santa1 [I think ;-)]. Roy returns to talk to Gail - he's worried aboutnot having bought Hayley's present yet, as he'd thought he hadnearly a week longer to think about it. She suggests somethingthat shows the warmth of his love. "Hmm, warmth", musesRoy, and thanks her.Over in the Rovers, Alma is trying harder to persuadeMike that he should sack Jackie, as a way of getting back at herfor squatting in Curly's house. [I hope the meaning of the word"squatting" in this context isn't too confusing to ouroverseas readers, lest they think Liverpudlians are prone to usingother people's houses as communal toilets. Basically, it means"unauthorised occupation", but oddly squatters do haverights and are not easily evicted.] Anyway, Mike doesn't agreethat this is a sackable offence. "What about the disreputethat she's bringing on your business ?", tries Alma. "Blimey,if that were the case, I wouldn't have any staff left !",argues Mike. He points out that he's very busy and is franklyunderstaffed as it is. There is a screech of car brakes outside,and Mike rushes out, concerned that someone has run into his "motor".Outside, we find Steve Macdonald getting out of hiscar, hurling abuse at another driver who he appears to have narrowlyavoided, although both cars have ended up on the pavement. Ittakes a little while before he realises that he's shouting atVicky, Alec's grand-daughter and of course, his ex-wife. She saysshe was merely trying to avoid running over a Santa, seen scurryingoff in the background. Alec comes out of the Rovers, and is delightedto see Vicky. He takes her into the bar.Intermission
Well, it's Christmas, so it is of course time for our screensto be deluged with commercials for the likes of toys, perfumes,Ferrero Rocher chocolates, and liqueurs. On the last of these,there's a rather good advert on this year for a rather sickly-lookingliqueur, consisting of two bottles in one, one dispensing a vanillacream liqueur and the other a coffee-chocolate liqueur, whichmix and then separate out again in the glass. [A pint of beerto the first person who writes in to say they have drunk an entirebottle of this stuff in one sitting. Bet it'll be a woman too...]Back to the thread - the marketing angle is that there'stwo parts to the drink, so they have made two adverts, shown atopposite ends of the same commercial break. This one featuresa young man and woman, out on a date at a Japanese restaurant.First from her point of view, and then from his. So, her discomfitureat trying to cover her modesty with a very short skirt while theygo to sit cross-legged on very low chairs, is counterpointed byhim staring at his feet, where we observe that he has a lovelybig hole in one sock. At the end of the evening, as the liqueursare poured, she is pleased that he seems the "strong, silenttype", who romantically walks her home, while he observesthat he "couldn't think of a *thing* to say", and spentso much on the meal that there wasn't enough left for the cabfare. [Sounds like one of my dates...]Well, that's more enough for one intermission, timefor the lights to dim and the curtain to rise on...Act 2
Alec tells Vicky how lovely it is to see her, although he doesn'tseem to have noticed that her longish, curly red hair had transmutedinto a short brunette bob. [It is the same Chloe Newsome, though.]She tells him it *is* Christmas and what better than to come upand see her Grandad. Oh, and also, she is looking at a cateringbusiness venture and would appreciate him checking over the figuresfor her. He suggests they pop over and see Rita first, and talkmoney later. In the background, Vera is champing at the bit. Hermind is made up - if Alec can spend Christmas with his grandchild,so can she.In the cafe, there are now 5 Santas, and we're alldying to know who's underneath the snowy beards ! Hayley rushesin to have a word with Gail, hopefully when Roy is not about.Gail guesses that she too is having trouble in the presents department.The trouble is, she has the opposite problem to Roy - she hasbeen buying gifts non-stop since September, and has 11 books,a CD rack, a Swiss Army knife [his fifth !], a wok, and some unidentifiablegadget. But she thinks none of it suits him, and she's taken itall back. Now she only has a handbag full of credit notes andis in a panic. Gail suggests she asks the Santas for ideas ;-)"Who are they ?", whispers Hayley. "I don't know",answers Gail, "but I do know they must drinks loads of teain Lapland !". More helpfully, she tells Hayley she shouldbuy Roy a new jacket to replace the rather staid C&A examplehe wears all the time. But not a red one. Else they'll look likea couple of tomatoes. As Hayley rushes off, Gail asks the Santatroop if they'd like more tea. They all nod.A rare visit to the Malletts residence. Judy tellsGary of her encounter with Hayley in the corner shop. Gary thinksit'd be great to win the competition at the baby shop, but Judyis fed up being "out here" and wants it over and donewith as soon as possible. He thinks that having a big belly canlook very attractive on some people, though. [Careful, Gary, itwas that twinkle in your eye that got you into this state in thefirst place !] Judy looks pensive, and says that it's sad aboutHayley though. "She is a woman, she thinks like a woman,she even shops like one, but when it comes to the ultimate...",and looks down at her lump. Look on the bright side, love, saysGary, she's got something we'll never have. ?? "Roy Cropper!". Judy grins. [Judy has a lovely big smile - it's wellup there with Julia Roberts. And Ian Mercer plays Gary so wellhe is completely believable as the character and not an ac-tor.I like the Malletts a lot.]Roy returns to the cafe, to find no less than EIGHTSantas present. Gail tells him she's been trying to gently removethem as they're about to close, but they didn't pay her any attention.She asks Roy if he has got a present for Hayley - he has. He remindsher about his plans, and she promises to look at them. Off homegoes Gail. Roy approaches the Santas, and tells them that he reallyis closing up, and they'll have to go. As they start to shuffleoff, he asks Santa 1 if this is some sort of convention. Santaremoves his beard to reveal - Charlie West ! Charlie tells himit's "Rent-a-Santa". Roy looks thoughtful...Nick arrives home with a smallish Christmas tree forthe house. [And no I'm not going to join in the raft of Plankjokes...] He thinks that perhaps it'd be best if he and Leannespent Christmas by themselves. No chance, says Leanne, their familiesare just yards away and they'll be expected to spend the entireday running from one house to another. The matter is unresolved,but the young couple *are* looking forward to their first Christmas.[Hmm, I think the first Christmas Mrs L and I looked forward to,was the one where we refused to trail around the country and stayedput in our own house !]Gail has returned home, and is looking through Roy'splans. She seems quite impressed, but realises that every optionwill probably involve having to put money into the partnership.Martin tries to tactfully point out that he could quite easilylose his job, even if he's not completely guilty the hospitalwould sacrifice him just to save face, and in that case he wouldn'tqualify for any payoff, or any dole money, or even any socialsecurity assistance. Perhaps Gail should consider letting Roybuy her out ? Gail looks not best pleased at this suggestion.Sally returns home, having obviously been Christmasshopping. As she walks away from the taxi, she is accosted byGreg, somewhat the worse for wear, who rails at her for spendingmoney when he might not even have anywhere to stay over Christmas.He continues to hurl abuse as she rushes inside. A rather darkinterlude.Much more cheery stuff over at Roy's cafe, where heand Hayley drink a toast to each other, sat at a candle-lit table.The doorbell rings. "Oh, I wonder who that might be ?",asks Roy. No prizes for guessing that it's Santa 1, aka Charlie,who asks if a certain Hayley Patterson is in, before handing overher Christmas present. She tears the wrapping paper off, to reveala scarf. "It's to keep you warm", explains Roy, "likemy love". She hands him her present, which strangely is aboutthe same shape and size, and naturally it's exactly the same scarf! "It's to add some colour to your life", she says,"like me". They each have more presents upstairs intheir Christmas stockings, but for now they have another toast.Charlie grabs a glass and joins them, downing it in one. He sayshe'll have to be get back to round up his reindeer, as there'sthree more presents to deliver before he can get off down thepub. His final cultural contribution is a hearty belch. <g>Still keeping up the synchronisation theme, Hayley and Roy thankeach other for the scarves, in unison. Roy lifts his glass ofchampagne and says this reminds him of a poem, which he startto recite, before Hayley joins in and completes the verse. [Itis about someone eating fish and chips alone, and wondering whatit would be like to buy supper for two.] "You know it ?",asks Roy. "Yes, Roger McGough", replies Hayley, "it...struck a chord". Roy delivers the next line with impeccabletiming - "but not any more ?", he asks. "No",agrees Hayley and they raise their glasses and wish each othera Happy Christmas. [And a more sensitive soul than me might havea slightly moist eye at this scene, it was just *perfectly* executed.]Alec has finalised his staff rota for the Rovers, andexplains to Jack and Vera that everyone will be able to have sometime off. "I know", says Vera, "we've arrangedours already". She advises him to go back to his rota andstart again, beginning with her and Jack being in Blackpool overChristmas. Over my dead body, says Alec. [Always a likely feed-linefor a snappy reply, and tonight is no exception.] "Ooh, that'dbe a bonus !" exclaims Vera. Alec forbids them to go. Well,there's no *way* they're staying. Alec looks at Jack for support,and Jack gives him his "don't look at me" look. Thecredits roll.This episode was written by Peter Mills. Watching tonight's show was like looking at something with the light on, instead of peering in the dark trying to make out hazy details. The script writing was of a different class, and the cast played along magnificently. I noticed that this was the third Peter Mills episode in a row, and whether that's significant or not I couldn't really say [it would seem churlish to suggest that the other writers are not up to the same quality because I know from earlier updates that I have been impressed by many of them] but perhaps it helps to give a writer a bit of a free rein and let him develop plots for more than one episode at a time. Or maybe we are seeing the influence of the new director ? Whichever, this episode was a delight. The stars, as ever, were Roy and Hayley, but their special relationship also brings out the best in many of the other characters. And it probably says more about my sense of humour, but the ever-increasing rank of Santas made me laugh out loud ! I'd still *love* to know who they all were, Charlie apart. I suspect an in-joke amongst the crew, but we may never know. Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ****
Once again, happy holidays to you all. I'll be back,err, *sometime*, after Christmas. Probably a bit late !John LairdMonday 21 December
Hi :) This Update is already very very delayed, so I'll rush through and skip the prologue entirely. Apologies for the late-running of this service, but the Update Express was derailed by festivities in the Yuletide Region. There will be no buffet car available on this train. Hope you all had a great Christmas...
We open the show in Rita's flat where a frantic AlecGilroy is complaining to anyone within earshot (which happensto be Vicky and Rita in this case) about the unbelievable cheekof the Duckworths, asking for time off like that at Xmas timewithout any warning whatsoever. It all becomes rather tiresomeafter about, ooh, 5 seconds of this ranting and eventually BigRed tells him to can it, explaining that Vicky has not come allthe way up to Weatherfield simply to listen to her grandad harpon about the Duckies. Alec dutifully cans it and, as Rita goesto cook breakfast, Vicky starts questioning him about the relationshipbetween he and Big Red. Eventually the cat is let out of bag andAlec remarks "Well, at least it's a happy arrangement"before adding "I just wish me business life was as trouble-free".Meanwhile at the Cafe, The Camp Crusader minces inand asks Gail if she's got any ideas as to what he should buyhis Grandad for Christmas (What is it with Gail all of a sudden?Is she the Christmas Gift Oracle of Weatherfield? This is thethird person to ask her for advice on the subject in the last2 episodes!)... She suggests a paperback novel ("He likesthrillers!") and proceeds to question Whoopsie Boy on whathe would like for his Birthday (which of course, is coming upsoon). Now personally, if I were he, I'd opt for the Six WeekPersonality Seminar but, sadly, he is as uninteresting as everand tells her that "just a party" will suffice. Gailsmiles and then proceeds to tell him that come Christmas theyplan on putting all this Battersby business behind them and justconcentrating on having a good time. In order to prove this, shemost cordially invites Nicky and Leanne to Plattingham Palacefor Christmas Lunch. Nick half-heartedly accepts the offer, butI can't tell for the life of me if this is apprehension on hisbehalf or just Adam Rickitt's usual hollow attempt at conveyinga trace of emotion in his acting.In the back room of the Rovers, Vera is still tryingto convince Alec that taking time off at Christmas is a perfectlylegitimate request and the fact that they work in a pub shouldn'teven come into it. Alec obviously disputes this and claims that,since this is the busiest time of the year for the Rovers andVee has left it 'til the very last minute to even issue her requestfor holiday time, the Duckies are being completely unreasonable...And let's face facts here. You don't have to be Grumpy Gilroyto see that asking for time off without *any* advance warningat the busiest time of the year just isn't on and even Vera Duckworthis smart enough to see how ridiculous it sounds. Of course, thishasn't been taken into account because it's yet another one ofthose slap-dash, knocked-up-in-a-minute storylines hatched topave the swift departure of yet another fleeing cast member...Anyway, the two of them bicker about it for a minute or so andfail to reach any kind of conclusion whatsoever.Down the road, in the Cornershop, Betty is buying hergroceries and is tempted by the Christmas Raffle Tickets on sale,since it's for charity. Maud hilariously explains "Who saidowt about charity? It's just Fred's way of getting rid of oldstock. There's only two weeks left on the pickled walnuts!"and soon succeeds in putting Betty straight off the idea of partingwith her cash. At this point there's a lot of noise and shoutingas Ashley and Fred enter, wrestling with a large sack of potatoes.The latter asks Betty if she's bought any raffle tickets as Maudcovers her own hide and pipes "Yes, she's bought a pound'sworth haven't you Betty?"... Betty agrees and bids Fred aspeedy farewell. The Beefy Butcher, visibly on a roll now, wondersif Maud herself has bought any but she reckons that the food inthe prize hamper is far too elaborate for her tastes. Fred insiststhat good food is the very essence of Christmas before addingto a nearby Ashley that "That's what *you* need... It'd putsome lead in your pencil, would a smoked oyster!" (LOL!)Maud admits that a mere poached egg is probably all she will behaving for Christmas dinner but the kind-hearted Ashley takespity on her and invites both Maud & Fred to the House Of Elliotfor a proper turkey meal. She is deeply touched by the offer andaccepts, however Fred has other plans it seems. When quizzed asto what these may be he snaps defensively "Never you mind!Suffice it to say that my festivities are assured!"In the Rovers, Les Battersby stands before an unmannedbar (Every Landlord's Nightmare!) and shouts for assistance. Aleccomes out of the back and is horrified to see that no one is serving.Even moreso when he hears that Jack went down to the cellar to"change a barrel" about 10 minutes ago and has not returned!It turns out that The Devious Duckworth is having a crafty ciggiedownstairs and, as Alec yells for him to get back upstairs rightthis minute, a nearby Vicky prepares a perfect pint for an impressedLes. "I'll say one thing about this young lass", heintones, "She knows how to pull a decent pint". Vickythen enthuses about her skill with cocktails and the Boozing Battersbyis excited at sampling some until Alec explains that a "'MeanCocktail' *MEANS* you have to pay for it". Les retreats tohis seat, moodily as the two Gilroys exchange words about runnninga business. Vicky is surprised at her Grandad's recent free accomodationdeal with the Duckies and wonders what could have made him commitsuch an act of unashamed generousity. "I'm just going softin me old age", he murmurs and his Granddaughter suggeststhat this is "Rita's influence"...Cut across to a booth now, where Janice and Les sittogether, discussing Christmas. Les is still excited about theprospect of his forthcoming compensation money and thinks theycan afford some decent food and festivities this year along withsome proper turkey instead of the Charlie West Special. They wantLeanne to share in this and Les suggests that they invite bothher and Nick to the Battersby Christmas Dinner... Back behindthe bar, Alec asks if Betty can do some extra shifts over theYuletide period to compensate for the Duckies' absense but it'sa no-go situation since all her days have been planned alreadyand his request comes at far too short a notice. As the LividLandlord silently fumes, Janice leaves the pub and convienientlybumps into Leanne on the street, taking this chance to ask herto Christmas lunch. The Tinsel-clad Tilsley accepts the invitation,merrily.At this point, further along the Street, Alma is lettingherself into No. 7 to "check the post" when she is accostedby an angry Tyrone who tells her she has no right to go in thereand how he already told her once that *he* will pass on whateverpost is to be dealt with. She is outraged by his audacity butthis soons turns to something akin to sympathy as Tyrone explains"Do you know where I spent Christmas last year? I visitedme mum in prison then went home to an empty flat. Me dad was athis girlfriend's, I never even saw him."... She sighs andleaves him be as he tells her he's "hoping this year willbe better than last"...So we cut to The House Of Elliot, inside which TheCamp Crusader is battling with some gift-wrapping (the gift-wrapis winning, incidentally) while Leanne cooks soup. Whoopsie Boysuggests feebly that they have their Christmas Dinner at the PlattHousehold but Leanne is appalled by this idea and lays down thelaw, telling him sternly that they are eating at the Battersby's!When he weakly objects, she explains that, thanks to Martin, herDad's been through a tremendous ordeal and, since they don't knowthe long-term effects of what happened, he might not even be hereby this time next Christmas, so they're going to the BattersbyChristmas Dinner and that's *that*! Nicky just mewls and bleats.END OF PART ONEThe adverts are ireedeemably bad this week. I wouldfeel guilty about sharing some of this dross with you fine peopleso we'll move straight along to...PART TWO
Alec and Vicky, in the back room of the Rovers, are debating herproposed "business plans" and, to be frank, it soundslike she doesn't really have her head screwed on straight. Tosum things up, she is planning on opening a 'Cafe Bar' ("It'sa Cafe... Bar... Just what it sounds like... A bar... where youcan get something to eat!", she gushes as if this is themost innovative idea known to mankind) in London. She has alsocommisioned a design company to draw up some official plans, atgreat expense, without actually having sealed the contract toeven purchase the building. On top of this, she has a 'businesspartner' called Giles (pronounced "Geels") who she'sknown for all of two months. He is "one of the finest chefson the South Coast" and with his cooking and her "businessbrain", she thinks she's onto a dead cert, although she admitshurriedly, when asked, that Giles' last venture (A brasserie)went horribly belly-up... The whole thing sounds tremendouslydodgy to me but she can't seem to see this and when Alec warnsher that "there are a lot of sharks in this world",she responds chirpily... "I know but, don't worry, I stilllove you, Granddad!"... Sadly, the rimshot and cymbal soundeffect is missing from the end of this scene.The Camp Crusader enters the Cafe and approaches Gailwith the words "Mum, I've got a bit of problem". Theoriginal dialogue ("I've got a bit of a problem, you see.It's a complete and total inability to read even so much as asingle line from the script in a remotely convincing or effectivemanner. But rather than go to the effort of learning, I reckonI can probably get away with standing here and looking prettyin the hope that no one will notice what a poor excuse for an'actor' I am. It doesn't matter anyway though, really, does itsince I'm leaving to pursue a pop career soon... Pass the paypacket.") was sadly replaced by him breaking the news thatthey can't spend Christmas with the Platts because they have togo spend it with the Battersbys instead. Naturally, Gail is horrifiedand offended, exclaiming "Why should I change my plans tosuit the flamin' Battersbys?!"Alma, Ken and Audreh stand at the Rovers bar debatingwhether or not they should take pity on the Dobbs family at Christmas.Alma has obviously been touched by Tyrone's earlier tirade andit seems Ken is also converted. Audreh, however, isn't so sympatheticand when Mr Borelow points out that it's hardly the time of yearto go turfing people out onto the streets, she points out thatJesus, Mary and Joseph were homeless at Christmas time and "itnever did them any harm, look at all them churches" addingthat "You two have just been brainwashed by watching toomuch religion on telly! It's the same every year, they try tomake you have a guilty conscience because you enjoy shopping!"(LOL - Cracking line)... Just at that point, Jim hobbles intothe bar on crutches and greets Vicky, who is still serving. Theyexchange pleasantries and small talk, although when Vicky askswhat happened with the wheelchair incident, Jim passes it offwith "Just mark it down to MacDonald bad luck and, havingbeen a MacDonald, you'd know all about that". Speaking ofwhich, Googly Eyes MacDonald walks in at this point, orbs-a'rollin',and doesn't seem so pleased to see the makeshift barmaid. Theyexchange evil glares and unpleasantries.Gary Mallet sits at home, meanwhile, watching a videoof a woman giving birth. Judy enters and asks if he could pleaseturn it off, but he seems fascinated by the whole thing and suggeststhat, while he finishes watching it, she pops to the store toget some milk. Just at that point... Judeh has a twinge! *gasp*Don't worry, though, they're not due yet, it's just a little bitof kicking. She's still fit to go and fetch the milk from thestore!Outside, Sally unloads knickers from the back of acar (the back of a lorry would perhaps be more appropriate...)while being questioned by Margi^H^HJackie Dobbs about how themarket stall business is going since Rent-A-Scouse is thinkingof setting one up herself. Why? Because she knows a place whereshe can get "cheap knickers... cheaper than cheap ifyouknowworrameanlike"(Oi! Cilla! Noooo!)... The penny drops and Sally advises her notto go thieving from Mike Baldwin, which of course provokes theobvious "Thieving!? That's slander, that is!"-esquereaction... As Scary Scouse stalks off in a rage, Audreh and Maxineexit the nearby salon and engage in conversation. The former asksthe latter to stay in Fiona's old flat over the holiday periodto make sure it doesn't get broken into (or squatted in for thatmatter) but Max doesn't fancy spending Christmas alone in a pokeyflat, thus declines the offer for now.Back in the Rovers, Fred once again asks Gruesome Gregfor his rent money ("You can pay for your ale, I see")and, once again, Bogface tells him it's on it's way before stormingoff to nurse his pint in the corner. "Tenants have too manyrights these days", rages Fred, waving his arms about likea mad thing, "Takes too long for the wheels of justice toturn around! Not like t'old days, he'd've been out on his ear!"...Audreh continues where Fred leaves off and bemoans the rightsof squatters, worrying that they can just settle down in any unoccupiedbuilding (which, of course, includes the flat above the salon)...Just then, Maxine enters and tells Audreh that she *would* beinterested in moving into the flat over the holidays *if* theycould make that a more permanent arrangement, with rental ratesto be agreed shortly. Since it's Christmas, Audreh agrees andthey all bounce up and down like excited little teletubbies. Fred,meanwhile, stews over ways to eject his Bland Tenant... "I'mgoing to take the law into my own hands", he muses aloud,"Aye, soon as his back's turned, put his stuff out onto thestreet and change all the locks... that'll cook his goose!"...This plan of action strikes a chord with a nearby Alec Gilroy,who perhaps is seeing a way of solving his own tenant-relatedissues.Back at The House Of Elliot, Leanne talks to the wallpaper.She asks it how the talk with Gail went about the rearranged ChristmasDinners and the wallpaper replies that it couldn't make her budgeand that it's now Leanne's turn to talk to *her* family aboutthe situation. Leanne is not best pleased but agrees to *try*and figure something out (The plan is that one family has ChristmasDinner at tea-time or something silly like that)... (Wallpaperin this scene, played by Adam Rickitt...)Across the road at the Rovers, Gareh is talking toKen, Audreh and Maxine at the bar and they're all joking aboutthis and that. Max lets it slip that she's planning a big housewarmingparty in the New Year at her neeeewww flaaaat and, unfortunatelyfor all concerned, a sneaky looking Blandford overhears all ofthis from his table and grins... Behind the bar, meanwhile, Jackapologises to Alec about the whole Christmas business with Verabut Alec is all of a sudden very pleasant and not only says he'ssorted out his staffing troubles but even goes as far as to *insist*that the Duckies go spend time with their family for the season...Natalie suspects Baldilocks of foul play. Well, "how was it for me?" as Alan would say... Pleasant enough but hardly a stand-out episode. However, the sheer lack of anything drastic happening like drug dealing, murder, beatings, bedswapping or high volume rows made it a *lot* more tolerable than certain recent shows. Unfortunately, this followed on from Sunday 20th's episode which was an utterly sterling piece of work (see John Laird's Update!), so I guess it was bound to be a comedown to a certain extent. Not to worry though, no major complaints this time around except for the remarkable implausibility of the Duckies/Gilroy arguing and, of course, that waste of space Rickitt who proves once more he's nothing more than, as Annie would quite rightly put it, a "hairstyle with a mouth". Before I sign off, one quick word of praise *must* go to John "Fred Elliot" Savident, without whom the Street would be a far darker place. Certainly one of the finest comedy/caricature actors the show has seen and the definate high point of this episode.
Anyway, sorry again for the delay in getting this Updateout. Hopefully this week's will be closer to the deadline. Takecare! All the best for the Festive Season! :)The episode was sponsored by TheChaos Engine (what I was listening to) and Stella Artois (whatI was drinking...)The RattlerWednesday 23 December
Well, we're nearly there now, it's the evening of Christmas Eve and everything's been done now, got the gin in, and the Rose's Lime Juice, and the Baileys, and the pile of favourite videos is ready, and the music to hand. I'm all set to lock the doors, disconnect the phone and enjoy just one day of the most magical peace. Except that I may pop out just briefly for the odd drink and the odd nibble, and if a white Maserati pulls up outside I might just be prepared to change my plans completely! I notice from my seasonal copy of "Venue" magazine that if you're in Bristol this Christmas holiday you have the chance to visit the Alma Theatre and see a production of "Robin Hood: The Truth Behind the Green Tights" - a pantomime of sorts written some years ago for the Bristol Old Vic. I can remember doing this piece during my amateur thespian days a few years ago, as an outdoor romp on Redland Green as part of the Westbury Park Festival. It was great fun and enjoyed immensely by performers and audience alike. It was written by... No, I won't say, I wonder if anybody here might like to hazard a guess at the author of "Robin Hood: The Truth Behind the Green Tights", if you don't know you might be surprised.
Anyway, on with the matter in hand. Tonight's episodeis sponsored by Cadbury's Milk Tray - the one with the chocolatefiddler serenading his chocolate lover. And we find Alec, Jackand Betty seated round a table above the Rovers, sharing a potof tea. Vera, we hear, is upstairs packing.Jack is not terribly happy about the holiday plans;he thinks Vera is packing enough for a fortnight. Vera calls downthe stairs, has Jack got the presents? Yes he has, he repliessnappishly. He confesses he'd rather spend Christmas in frontof the telly. In comes Vera in a tizz, she's afraid they'll missthe train - "and we all know who's fault that'll be""I do" says Jack, with an air of resignation."We all do!" says Alec with weary smugness.This is the cue for Jack and Vera to squabble aboutwho was to have ordered the taxi, but Alec comes to the rescue.With hands raised in conciliation, and suddenly looking suspiciouslycheerful, he offers to drive them to the station himself. Witha display of gratitude, Jack and Vera take their bags out of theroom, leaving Betty to speculate accusingly on what's got intoAlec all of a sudden. "Christmas!" says Alec with asmirk, "Season of goodwill!" And off he goes, humming"Deck the halls with boughs of holly", as Betty's eyesroll cynically.Audrey is leaving the Kabin in good spirits, only tobe accosted in the middle of the road by Fred, who reminds herin conspiratorial tones that today he'll be drawing the raffleand announcing the result in the Rovers in the evening - mightAudrey be there, just in case? "IT'LL MAKE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMASFEAST WILL THAT 'AMPER, JUST FOR TWO (hurriedly correcting himself)OR THREE IF ALF'S UP TO IT!". Audrey mumbles excuses, she'sgot to go now, leaving Fred beaming broadly and proclaiming tothe world "OF COURSE YOU 'AVE LOVE! EMPIRES TO RUN!"Alec is smiling broadly too, as he emerges, almostskipping with seasonal joy, or something, out of the Rovers carryingthe Duckworths' suitcase. Jack, lumbering behind, expresses hisundying gratitude, but Vera just prods him impatiently, tellinghim to shut up and get in the car. Alec is positively malevolentas he comments "Well, if we can't lend a hand at this timeof year, when can we?"Behind Alec's shoulder we see Leanne leaving her frontdoor, and as Alec and the Duckworths pull away the camera closesin on her running across the street to the Battersbys. Pausingwith an anxious sigh, she lets herself in. Inside, Les is in hishabitual slouch in the armchair. Janice is unpacking somethingthat looks like a small chicken, but which she insists is a turkey,from a supermarket bag. She's excited about this - "A realturkey this year! Well, when I say a real one I mean a dead 'un,one that's got no feathers on". (This is a little lost onme - I assume it refers to some kind of wheeler-dealing by Lesat a previous Christmas)."Great!" says Leanne listlessly, she clearlyhas other things on her mind.Parsimonious Les grumbles about the price she paidfor it. But it's worth it, thinks Janice - "saves me 'avingto chase it round t'back yard!"But Leanne has come with a difficult proposition: canthe Battersby's have their Christmas dinner at tea-time? Because,as she awkwardly confesses, they have arranged to have dinnertime at the Platt's. This of course is grist to Les's mill, andoff he blows: "Yer wha? Yer mean yer goin' to sit down witha feller that gave me an overdose?" Leanne pleads that shehasn't got a choice as Nick made the arrangements, but Les thunderson, trying to be the assertive father. Oh yes she has got a choice,she's got the choice of telling them no, which is what she's goingto have to do because they're not having their dinner at teatime.Janice calmly tries to smooth things, but would still rather havedinner at dinner time. But there's no stopping Les, the Platt'swill just have to have their Christmas dinner on Boxing Day. Leanneby this time has given up in despair.Betty is pulling a pint and Natalie busy behind thebar as Alec comes bouncing into the Rovers, full of beans. Yes,he did get the Duckworths to the station, he even waved them off.Has anybody been in asking for him? No, says Natalie, not yet.Alec dismisses this with a wave of his hand, it's just that thereare one or two bits of jobs to be done. Natalie is already aswary as Betty now, especially as he asks Betty for bin bags, andgoes off to the kitchen to find them."There is!" says Natalie, unprompted. "What?"asks a puzzled Betty. "Summat going on, " replies Natalie,"that's what you were going to say isn't it?". Of courseit was.At number nine, Gary affectionately cuddles a MickeyMouse toy and a teddy bear, and smiles indulgently to himself.(Some of us are aware of the significance of teddy bears; I dohope for Gary's sake that he doesn't also have a passion for chocolatecake). Judy comes downstairs with a suitcase - "Right, that'severything packed". She's all ready for the crucial moment,Gary can go out if he wants. Aw, no, says Gary, still caressingthe teddy lovingly, what if something happens? But Judy thinksthat the twins have decided between them that they're going tostop where they are until the New Year."Locks?" asks an incredulous Rita at heropen front door. "That was the message," says the overalledman at the door, "he said he wanted some locks changed, itwere dead urgent so could I come round straight away". No,says Rita, nowt like that needs doing here, must be at the Rovers.the man tugs his cap at her and heads down the street as Rita'smind wrestles with this strange turnup.Kevin confides in Martin, as he locks up the garagefor the holiday, that he is dreading the rest of the day, he'spromised to take the girls to Santa's grotto and afterwards fora burger, this is supposed to be a treat for Rosie's birthday.Being lads they try to outdo each other - Martin's day is worse,he thinks, because he has a wedding anniversary with Audrey andAlf to face. Kevin can cap this though. "You're not gettinga divorce from your missus - spending the day being nice to herin front of the kids when all you want to do is wring her neck!"Martin concedes that this is indeed worse, and offers to buy Kevina pint. But no, Kevin can't, he's got to get the girls ready.Rita is wondering out loud to Vicky why Alec is havingthe locks changed. Vicky has no idea - all he said at breakfastwas how the Duckworths going to Blackpool was the last straw.The penny drops...Maxine is sitting at the bar in the Rovers, when Gregoozes up to her, offering to pay for her drink. Maxine plays hardto get. Greg turns it on a bit harder, he has a lot to apologisefor, he says, and the drink is just a starter. Maxine is preparedto accept the drink but otherwise she's not co-operating. So far.At the other end of the bar, Betty is serving Garywith a drink, he's presumably torn himself away from his teddybear, the great softy! (I like softness in a man!). "So you'renot a father yet then?" asks Betty, "Tell Judy she'sin our thoughts". Les is still looking for new people towhine to and takes his chance with Gary - "Well at leastshe'll be luckier than me, at least he won't have Florence Nightingale"(here he tilts his head towards the Platts who are sitting inthe background) "over there looking after her. That Platt- 'e nearly did for me when I was in".Gary: "Were you having a baby?" (I like drywit in a man too)The Platts are discussing Christmas arrangements withDeirdre. They are having a quiet family Christmas, well, saysMartin, no doubt with half an eye on Les, as quiet as they canmanage. Deirdre has her mother coming, she doesn't seem very happyat the prospect. Her main concern is that Mum hasn't said whenshe's going.Les is still whining to Gary at the bar about the mishap."It could have destroyed half my brain cells - how wouldthey know?"Gary: Well, they wouldn't, would they?" (You know,I'm getting to like Gary a lot) He asks if he can take his pinthome - whether he feels he needs to be with Judy or whether hecan't wait to get away from Les isn't clear, or indeed whetherhe's been separated from his bear for too long.As he leaves, Rita comes in, looking for Alec. It'sa bit private, she says, can she go through to the back? Whichis what she does. Finding our handyman singing to himself as hechanges the lock on the external door, and Alec descending thestaircase with full bin bags."Alec, what are you doing?" she demands.He's lost his good natured way now. "I'm up to my neck tryingto run this place as best I can," he snaps, "consideringhalf my staff's gone swanning off to the seaside. Why, Rita wantsto know, is he having the locks changed? Alec shuffles uneasily."Oh, that's security! Old adage in the licensed trade - 'Springand Autumn change your clocks, every few years, change your locks'".Not surprisingly, the handyman has never heard this one before.Are they into locks then, he asks, only every time he sees themthey're having locks changed. Or knocking holes in walls. Perhapsit's a shared interest - was it something that brought them together?Clearly irritated, Alec indicates to Rita that he wantsto talk about it later - it's a delicate matter. But Rita hasalready guessed the game. "So you're locking them out atChristmas?" Christmas, Easter, Chinese New Year, they'reall the same to him as he stomps off.Betty comes to see what's going on. What, Rita asksher, is the name of the people Jack and Vera are staying with?"'Orton. With a hapostrophe"And conveniently, the phone number is in the addressbook, close by.Greg is escorting Maxine from the pub. The silly girlappears to have fallen victim to Greg's smooth talking and hasnow mellowed somewhat. Greg suggests calling round for a Christmasdrink; she coyly suggests he doesn't know where she is, but hetells her he's heard from a little bird that she's taken the flatover the salon. At this point something distracts Greg - a shiftylooking man in a sheepskin coat is taking a close interest inhis car. "OI, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" he shouts."Mr Kelly is it?" asks the repo man, for such he is.He'd like Greg's keys but he's taking the car whether he givesthem or not.We cut to Sally, Kevin and the girls leaving for Santa'sgrotto. Kevin stares at the scene being played out up the street,as Sally averts her eyes. "What's going on with lover-boy?"he asks.Greg shouts "HEY, THIS IS YOUR DOING IS IT?"demands Greg at high volume. But Kevin just glares back at himas Sally and the girls get in the car. "Take it!" saysGreg to the repo man, as he turns and storms back into the Rovers."So," says the repo man to Maxine, winking and smackinghis lips, "whose Christmas tree did you fall off, darling?".But Maxine just scowls at him.Close-up of a hall table in Blackpool, naff tortoiseshellphone off the hook, Christmas cards and ornaments. Tilt to mirrorabove the table, and the reflection of Vera picking up the phone.It's Rita on the other end: "Vera, I think there's somethingyou ought to know. Alec's turfing you out of the Rovers, he'smoved all your stuff out and he's changed the lock.Dramatic pan from reflected Vera to real-life Vera,disbelief all over her face. "Say that again?" she says.I N T E R M I S S I O NJack and Vera are having a crisis meeting in theirroom. He can't do that, says Jack, they're sitting tenants. Sittingducks, more like. they'll have to go back, even though they'vejust got there. As Vera observes, "Do you want to be likethe baby Jesus, sleeping in a stable, just 'cos we can't get backinto 'us own pub?"Gary is in the corner shop, buying cans of beer. "Sothese are not to wet the baby's head?" asks Maude. "Idon't know, it depends, if they hang about any longer I mighthave supped 'em." After exchanging Christmas greetings withMaude he leaves, just as Fred arrives.Is everybody ready for the big draw? Maude pushes thebox of ticket stubs to Fred. "THE ONE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITINGFOR! TIME TO PUT THE WAITING MILLIONS OUT OF THEIR MISERY".What waiting millions, Maude wants to know. And Ashley thinksit looks fishy making the draw themselves, "Folks'll thinkit's been fixed!" As if Fred would stoop to such a thing.Well, this is heresy. That sort of talk is for "TRAITORSAND FIFTH-COLUMNISTS - WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS DRAW PROPER!".Anybody who wants to observe can do so - but as Ashley pointsout, there are only the three of them. Also to Ashley's disgust,Fred makes it plain he's doing the draw himself, as the promoter,the only one not entitled to a ticket, and hence "THAT MEANSI'M THE ONLY ONE GUARANTEED TO BE IMPARTIAL". Maude is heardto mutter "That's a load of codology!"But to save the day, or maybe not, Leanne enters, draggingNick in tow. Nick, tongue-tied, delicately asks Ashley for a favourbut positive and confident Leanne eases him aside and puts itto Ashley straight - they've decided to go to neither set of parentsfor Christmas dinner, can they join Ashley instead. This pleasesAshley, and Maude too, so a good arrangement all round.However, after this little distraction we now see thatFred is waving aloft a raffle ticket, bellowing "ONE HUNDREDAND FORTY THREE". Of course nobody, not Maude, not Ashley,not Leanne or Nick, not the viewer, has actually seen Fred drawthe ticket, but he's impervious to demands for a redraw. Indignantlyhe tells them "YOU CAN'T HAVE A DRAW TWICE, NOT UNTIL THEOWNER OF THIS 'AS 'AD A CHANCE TO CLAIM 'ER PRIZE" (hurriedlyhe covers up) "OR 'IS PRIZE, WE DON'T KNOW THE WINNER YET,DO WE?". And he laughs feebly.Over afternoon tea, Rita and Vicky are chatting aboutVicky's plans. Alec, meanwhile, is agitated, distracted and smokingheavily. What would they have him do, he suddenly interjects."Let them carry on on t'payroll till they've bankrupted me?"What, he demands, would Vicky do if landed with a couple of deadlegs?Rita appeals to Vicky's compassion, as a row brews.Would she tell them to their faces or just throw their thingsout while they were on holiday?. Alec reminds Rita that he'd triedbefore, but "some misguided philanthropist spoke up on theirbehalf". Rita denies being either misguided or a philanthropist,but doesn't like seeing folk taken advantage of. Alec proteststhat he's been taken for granted. And Vicky is left embarrassedby the whole quarrel.Kevin, Sally and the girls are back from Santa. Ithas obviously not gone well. Kevin tells the girls to go and changeinto their play clothes. Sally thinks they're fine as they are.Kevin asserts his authority and demands to know who does the washingand runs the house? Rosie asks if Mum is coming tomorrow. Kevinsnaps that it's up to her. Sally tries to be soothing, of courseshe will, she'll be around for when they open their presents.But it's a frosty Christmas in the Webster house. She's doingher best. But Kevin keeps whining on about how she comes and goesas she pleases, and they are expected to be grateful if she canspare them a couple of minutes. Sally would give the girls 24hours if she was allowed. "Now lover-boy has left,"Kevin snaps back. "And what was all this with the car? Beenrepossessed?" Nothing to do with you, ripostes Sally. Sheturns to go. He shouts after her "It would be nice if youcalled round tomorrow - remind us of what it used to be like beforeyou went and ruined everything. HAPPY CHRISTMAS!"Audrey and Alf, Gail and Martin are washing down theiranniversary dinner in the Rovers. (A child's birthday, a weddinganniversary, on Christmas Eve, the legacy of bygone Christmasspecials). Alf is not looking or acting at all well. "Thirtyyears we've been married," he reminisces, predictably. "Doesn'tseem like it, does it?" Leaving Audrey to ask the obvious"And how do you mean - it seems longer or shorter?".Alf puts his arm round Audrey's shoulder and kisses her affectionately,just as Fred enters, demanding attention as ever - he's aboutto announce the raffle winner. Tightwad Alf hopes they haven'twasted money on the raffle, but Audrey thinks she might just havebought the odd one "Oh yes," she exclaims excitedlyas she pulls a blue ticket from her handbag.Fred smirks on as Deirdre, at the bar, introduces hermother, Blanche, to Alec. Alec struggles for a surname. "MrsHunt", as it happens. But Deirdre's Mum can forgive Alecfor wondering, given the number of names her daughter's got through."Rachid, is it still? You never changed it to Lindsay didyou?". NO! says Deirdre, emphatically. "Well, let'sbe grateful for that" says Mum.Fred still wants attention. "EXCUSE ME INNKEEPER!DO YOU MIND IF I MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT?""I've never heard you do owt else Fred",replies Alec.Amazingly, the winning ticket belongs to Audrey. Sheaffects surprise, anyway. "I say, what a bit of luck!"she says. "I'd say luck didn't come into it" muttersMartin. Fred goes through an elaborate ritual of checking theticket while Ashley, looking very embarrassed, stands by holdingthe hamper and looking the other way, earning one of Fred's bestwithering looks. "WAKE UP ASHLEY, GIVE 'ER THE 'AMPER!"Leanne drags Nick into the pub, where they split upto put their new plans to respective parents. Janice is disappointed,Les gets truculent, believing "it's them sticking their oarin", and rising with fists ready, only to be quietly restrainedby Leanne. Nick, too, is met with disappointment - maybe, saysMartin, they could pop round for a drink. But Gail is truculenttoo - "And we all know who's responsible for that, don'twe? The same man that's responsible for you being suspended fromyour job".Alf has spotted an opportunity, does this mean twospare places for Christmas dinner at the Platt's? In which case,how about Audrey and him coming round and bringing the hamper.Of course, they'd be very welcome. Well, that's Fred's plans scuppered,as Audrey well knows, and Audrey looks around anxiously.Fred, meanwhile, is defending himself against chargesof fraud from Maude and Ashley, he swears his conscience is clear,it was all open and above board. Audrey comes over, to be smotheredin congratulations. "THERE COULDN'T BE A MORE POPULAR WINNER!""Popular wi' you!" mutters Maude. Audrey breaks hernews of the new arrangement and scurries off, leaving Fred open-mouthedbut silent for once. Maude rubs it in. "Oh dear," shemutters darkly, "I suppose she hasn't come through with herside of the bargain!". Fred can only look on in abject defeat.Judy's twins have conferred, they are not planningto miss out on Christmas after all. Judy is lying on the sofagasping while Gary holds a watch, timing the contractions. Everytwelve minutes now - he'll give the hospital a ring. No, saysJudy, leave it till it's down to 10 minutes. But Gary is goingto the phone anyway. So she says phone a taxi before calling thehospital. But there are no taxis - all booked - it's Christmasafter all.Somebody's found a taxi though, it's there, outsidethe Rovers. Out step Vera and Jack, planning to burst in and gostraight upstairs before anybody can stop them. As the taxi startsto move off, the figure of Gary comes sprinting down the streetcrying "TAXI!!!". He gets it in time, and is overheardby Vera, to her delight, telling the cabbie that his wife's aboutto have a baby. But Jack prods Vera on, there's no time for that,he says.Inside the Rovers, Deirdre's Mum is remarking on whata slow drinker her daughter is, as she orders another vodka. Andat that moment, Jack and Vera come bursting through the room andbehind the bar before Alec can stop them. He wants a word withthem - they're not stopping! But they have other ideas, and areout back and up the stairs smartly. Vera instructs Jack to getthe wardrobe from the spare room to use as a barricade, as shemenaces Alec with her handbag. "We've had enough talking- if you want rid of us you'll have to use force!".And Alec, like Fred, looks defeated as the creditsroll. Not at all bad, not one of the greats I guess but a very funny episode, it's always nice to see the likes of Fred and Alec get their comeuppance. The feuding of the Battersbys and the Platts is getting very tedious now and the Sally saga grinds on, lets hope it won't be too much longer. But well done, whoever wrote it. The closing credits name Peter Whalley as scriptwriter but the Radio Times gives the writer as Martin Allen. Who do I believe? And the accolade for this week - go on Rosie, you always give it to a woman. But it's a man's turn this week. Roy Barraclough? Well, he was very good, but I just find Alec too distasteful. No, I'm going to be controversial this week; step forward to receive the laurel, Ian Mercer, just because you *were* very good this week and because I've taken a shine to Gary this Christmas. If I can't have my Curly then I'll be happy to find Gary in my stocking!
Anyway, all that's left to me for this episode andfor 1998 is to wish you allA VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEWYEARLove, Peace and Happiness, RosalindFriday 25 December
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update.... Well, it's been a hectic week, with Christmas and one thing and another. Party mood for me started on Monday last week, when we went to see Rod Stewart in concert. The lad was suffering with a throat infection, so he had cancelled the previous day's concert, later held on the Tuesday. Trude and I were both recovering from colds at the same time, so both of us had fingers crossed that all would be OK for the Monday night. After a bit of a shaky start, once he got into the rhythm of things, the show really moved and it became another of those great nights that was thoroughly enjoyable and will be remembered for years to come. As I mentioned a few weeks back, when we saw Elton John in concert, it's when you see these top notch performers that you realise how they have stayed at the top for all these years. A truly class act. Also reassuring for me, was the rocking nutter that Trude sat next to, made me look tame, so hopefully Trude will realise she got off lightly marrying me!!! LOL!!! Christmas itself was the usual family affair. Trude gets the dinner going, with me doing some of the initial spadework and I gradually take over as the morning rolls along to give her a break. We thoroughly enjoy hosting and the routine of having both families over is one which we have now done for everyone of the 21 years we've been married... so the task isn't daunting at all. The sad part, is that over the years, the numbers have diminished. Up until 1989, when both Trude's and my dad died, we had at least 8 for dinner, including a friend of Trude's parents who was an honorary aunty. Nowadays, it's Trude's mum and mine, Simon and the two of us. Christmas is very much a time for the youngsters and the appeal is largely lost when they are Simon's age. The standard routine involves me doing the ferrying of the grannies, plying them with vast quantities of booze and hoping that this dulls the senses. My boozing starts late in the evening after I've taken them all home!!! All went well this year, without any mishaps fortunately.... We all live another year to tell the tale... Classic Corrie on satellite was very enjoyable with some great Christmas moments on the street revisited. More on this in future updates. Also enjoyable was "This is Your Life" broadcast last night (27th December) featuring Anne Kirkbride aka Deirdre Rachid. I don't think I've particularly been a Deirdre fan over the years, but thinking back she has had some fine moments in the show, probably the most memorable being the triangle with Ken and Mike in the 80s and, of course, the Jon Lindsay escapade earlier this year. A lovely lady in real life and a very enjoyable show. Finally, some great moments with my IRC friends... you lot have really made the difference to me this year and your love and affection is something I treasure. Last night stands out as a really good fun leg-pull session at my expense, chief instigators being Jubblyjub (Jacky), Amom (Lorraine) and Sasparilla (Anita).... You really are a hilarious lot, I thought I was gonna die with laughter... all this for free, as well.... To all of my friends, through my updates and on IRC, bless you and thanks for everything...
This was a double length episode - accordingly, itis somewhat longer than my normal meagre efforts!! Hahahahahahahah!Should any Update readers have problems receiving this updatein its entirety due to message length restrictions, please e-mailme and I will post out the update in two halves (well it wouldhardly be three, would it???)......The episode commences upstairs at the Rovers. Viewerswill recall the pantomime in the previous episode, where Alecaka Scrooge, had decided to evict the Duck-eggs only they cameback early from Blackpool, having been prompted by the Big RedOne that summat was afoot. So there they are tucked up in bed,with a furious Alec downstairs, determined to get rid of them.It's 4 am and Jack's belly thinks its throat has been cut, sothat's why he is going downstairs. Vera feels that Alec will belying in wait for him, but Jack is more optimistic, "'appenhe'll have tuk 'imslef off 'ome," he says. He's gonna doa raid on the kitchen and is reminded by Vera not to forget abouther "and a couple of bottles of stout from the bar",she adds. "And I can nip out and get you a Chinese takeaway"he adds, sarcastically. The irony is lost on Vera.Jack goes out of the bedroom and starts his sneakydescent downstairs. At the foot of the stairs, Alec is asleep,but lying in wait, for sign of the Duckworths. Jack stumbles intothe early warning system set up by Alec on the stairs. A wholeload of cans comes crashing down and it's a miracle that Jackisn't on top of the pile.The ensuing commotion rouses Alec from his slumberswho announces proudly "Ah, gotcha!" "Got me! Icould have fell down these stairs and killed me damn self"replies an angry Jack, to which Alec's classic riposte is "Notyou. You'd have cocked it up like you normally do!!" Alecwarns both the Duckies that they are trespassing on his propertyand he wants them out of there right now. An angry Vera tellshim that they aren't going as it is their home. "Was, Vera,was. But you're fired! The accommodation went with the jobs",Alec tells them. It's Jack's turn to show his anger as he accusesAlec of not having the nerve to dismiss them face to face, hehad to wait until they were away, to stab them in their backs."Yeah, you rat! At Christmas and all, while we were visitingour little Tommy" adds Vera. "Well, take me to a tribunal!See what good that does you?" bluffs Alec, "I'll testify.Oh, my word, I will! I'll tell 'em what a dead loss you were asworkers! Idle, shifty and incompetent!" to which Vera responds"well, nobody's perfect, are they?" ROTFLMAO. She volunteersto try a bit harder, but Alec announces it is too late, his patienceis exhausted, he wants them out right now. He storms upstairsbut is repelled by Vera (sic). Vera tells him "Go on. Costhat's what you need, a lavvy brush! Yes, you little short-house!"(mental note, new pair of glasses for Liz Dawn when she's readingthe scripts, "short arse" shirley ;-)?? With that theyretreat back to their bedroom. Alec is incensed and promises "Right!Right! If that's the way you want it. from now on, no more Mr.Nice Guy."Judeh is at t'hospital. She has just been given anepidural injection but she isn't sure whether she should havehad it. One of the midwives tells her that she had an epiduralfor both her babies and that Judeh will be glad of it in due course,as she has some hard work ahead of her. "That's why theycall it labour" she adds!! Gareh is alongside Judeh, offeringsupport - well, let's face it fellas, not a lot left for us todo, is there? "How are you feeling, luv?" he asks, towhich he gets the predictable "how do you think?" response!Ah well, ya tried!! She confides she is frightened, she wishesher mam were here - never mind, but he is there, he tells her.Another wave of childbirth pain hits her and the midwife remindsher to put her breathing exercises into force. (Back at the Ranch,Trude's mum, who has had her Christmas dinner with us, is watchingthe show. She is squirming uncomfortably and I recall a similarsituation, a few years back, when we were all watching the episodeof "Only Fools and Horses" where Del Boy's wife is goingthrough childbirth. Even though there was nothing in that programmeto cause offence during pre-watershed viewing, mother-in-law,who is very prudish, was thoroughly disgusted by the spectacleand expressed the view that such "filth" should notbe shown on television. So, while watching Corrie, you know what'scoming next from her.... and it does!! She is shuffling and huffingand puffing to show her discontent. Any time there is a scenewhich causes her discomfort, she insists on whittering and startingup a conversation to distract us from the proceedings.)At Rita's place, Sally has heard Rita moving about,so she is up making a drink for her. Having said that, she didn'tknow whether Rita was coming back, when she realised that Ritahad gone through to Alec's flat - she thought maybe Rita had goneto give him his Christmas presents. Rita tells her that she wentto see whether Alec was there, but he wasn't. "Not there?Half past four in the morning?" Sally exclaims. "Muststill be at the Rovers" surmises Rita. "Sleeping there,knowing him, so he can keep tabs on Jack and Vera." She isat a loss as to what to do with Alec and contrasts the changein Alec's behaviour to when she was ill herself, he couldn't havebeen kinder - now, here he is, plotting to put Jack and Vera outon the street. She apologises for waking Sally, but Sally ownsup, she was awake anyway - thinking of the girls. They have neverhad a Christmas like this before, them over the other side ofthe street, her on this side, thinking about what she has beenmissing.Back at the Duckworth residence, Jack is cold. Veratells him to get back into bed, she offers to warm him up. Thatlook of horror we know so well hits Jack's face, when he is threatenedwith nookie with the missus!! "Vera, I'm cold and I'm hungry!I'm not flaming desperate" is his riposte. Vera decides sheis going to put on her winter coat, but when she goes to the wardrobe,she finds it is empty. They realise that Gilroy is behind allthis. The only clothes they have, are what they took off lastnight. "Nil desperandum, Vera" proclaims Jack, theystill have the case she packed for Blackpool. On opening it, hecomes across some sexy black underwear and asks what it is. Veraadmits it is her new nightie. "You can see right throughit!" exclaims Jack. (Reminds me of the time, about 30 yearsback, when my mum got a job at an Italian restaurant and complainedto me about the poor lighting... doh!!) Well, she decided, whatwith it being Christmas and them going away together...... Jackwonders why, in that case, she didn't pack a carton of cigs anda few bags of crisps (obviously not a devotee of www.maturebabes.com).Hurt at being rejected, she tells him not to pick on her, in anycase, it's all his fault. "My fault? It's your fault, youkeep winding him up and then rubbing his flaming nose in it, havingChristmas off" he replies. The argument degenerates as recriminationsabound - if he were a real man, someone Alec respected, Vera says,then Alec wouldn't dare treat them the way he does.Rita is doing her best to cheer up Sally, who is missingher kids, "I bet they wake early, Christmas morning, eh?"(great Canadian impression, Rita :)). "Oh yeah, crack ofdawn" reminisces Sally, "Sophie will come running downthem stairs - 'Has he been? Has he been?' And they won't openanything, [eh??????????] they just have a look what they've got,you know and then they'll wait for me and Kevin to come down and....Well, that's what it used to be. And it'll be the same this year,cos Kevin has promised they won't open their presents until Iget there." Clearly, despite her attempts to persuade herselfotherwise, she is upset. Rita expresses the view that, at leastthey are both trying to be civilised with each other. The realisationof what Sally has lost starts to hit her - no home, no marriage,the kids aren't with her. It will get better, consoles Rita. "Itcan't get any worse, I hope" replies Sally.Back at the hospital, Judeh is at the big noises stageof labour. "Where's Gareh?" asks Judeh. "Just nippedout to the toilet" advises the midwife. He makes a hastyentrance and holds her hand. The wife tells her to push and pant.(Reminds me, when Trude's best friend, Jean, was having her son,she was advised to pant by the midwife - for them that don't know,breathing exercises help in the process of childbirth. Well, Jean,who, alongside her downstairs is one of life's biggest jokers,turns round and says to the midwife "this is no time to dodog impressions!!!"). "Yyyyeeasssssss!!!!!" screamsJudeh, to be greeted with the news that the midwife can see behbeh'shead.At the Duckies', Vera is wondering how Judeh is gettingon with two babies on the way, one was enough for her. All ofa sudden, the unity in the camp is shattered when Jack realisesthat Vera is eating something - this she denies, although sheadmits to sucking a mint humbug - there was only the one, shefound it "in the bo'om of me 'andbag, it were all fluffy"."Oh! Right! Very nice! If that's the way its gonna be, eh,eh, eh?" replies our hurt and hungry Jack, "Luke afternumber one. Luke, we have got no chance against Gilroy, unlesswe share." V - "Wot, one humbug? How can we share onehumbug? Here y'are, yer mardi beggar, finish i'off. Go on! Look!All t'fluff's gone now!" J - "It'd choke me!" V- "Jack! Don't le'us fall out. Look it's bad enough, AlecGilroy tryin' t'chuck us out on t'street without us fallin' out!"J - "Aye, yer right, Vee." V - "We're togetheraren't we? Whatever happens we've got each other. I've got you...and you've got me." J - "Aye, aye." V - "Iknow I don't tell you but... I do love you." J - "Nowgive over Vera, you know you embarrass me when you talk like that."V - "Well, I do love you. I know you're a waster, an idlesod, a shirker and always looking at other women." J - "Who?Who?" V - "You! ..... but you know, if I had my lifeto live over again, I'd still pick you." Awwwww!! Nice warmfuzzy feelings all round!!Judeh is reaching her crescendo in the hospital. Yyyessssss!!Yesssss!! One more heave and a second later, we hear the screamof the latest addition to the Street. "Got a little boy,Jude" says RGareh. Gareh picks him up and passes him to Judeh.At this stage, mother-in-law is telling me IRL, thatmen shouldn't be allowed in the ante-natal room, as a nursingsister friend of hers told her they only got in the way, passingout and the like. Brief exchange of words while I tell her, that'sas may be, but we're just there to offer moral support and keepa watching eye on the job we started off nine months ago. Silence!!For once!!! Much emotion back at the hospital.At the Rovers, Alec is at the foot of the stairs, tryingto instigate the next stage of his cunning plan to oust the Duckworths."Jack? Vera? I know you can hear me. Look, you're wastingyour time just as much as mine. Keep this up and you'll end upin th'hands of bobbies. Well, come on! You might speak!"Nothing!!! Undeterred, he continues, adopting a softertone of voice. "Now, now see, see. Call me a sentimentalold fool, if you like, but seeing as it's Christmas, I'm willingto do the decent thing. You come down here and walk out quietlyand that'll be the end of the matter."Still nothing! "Well? Right! Right! You want toplay silly beggars? Right, fair enough, from now on, the glovesare off! And don't say you haven't been give a chance!"Pause for a few seconds, then, in smarm-mode, "I'mgoing to get the frying pan on now!! Bacon and eggs for me, thismerry Yuletide."At the hospital, RGareh is holding Mallett Junior,Mark 1, "allo son" he is saying, "ahm yer dad"(I sure hope so, folks!!!). Hey! I wonder when we're gonna betreated to the sounds of RFred greeting the youngster with his"'ello little baby" quote? Judeh is making loud noisesagain, slowly working up to climax number two. The midwife istelling her that she knows she is tired but "you've got tokeep going." She mustn't let it go on too long - she is toldto pant and push again. They might have to consider a caesareanoperation, they tell Gareh, as Judeh is getting quite tired, theywill see how she gets on over the next few minutes.Back upstairs at the Rovers, Vera is wondering, theremust be something they can do, both are short on ideas. Her concernis that Alec will get his solicitors on the job and they willend up with the mucky end of the stick, as usual. They might aswell give in, she concedes. "Never! I'd rather starve thangive into that man!" is Jack's defiant cry. Asked what theyare going to do about it, Jack's fighting demeanour goes downa notch or two, "Forget about it. I'll think of summat."Vera isn't impressed, "You'll think of summat?Is that all you can say?"J - "No! At this moment in time, I would liketo say... 'Merry Flaming Christmas!!!'"Another heave and it's another behbeh for Gareh andJudeh, this time, a daughter. "A gurl, is she okeh?"asks Yorkie Bar. Judging by the sound coming from Mallett JuniorMark II's lungs, yep she is - what's more, behbeh will have hermum's vocal finesse. The consensus is that Judeh has two beautifulbehbehs. Congratulations all round and "Merry Christmas"from Gareh to Judeh, closes the scene...... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the endof part 1After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at Kevin's place. Sallyhas just come round, apologising for her late arrival to be greetedwith "look what Father Christmas has brought me" and"come and see what I've got, mum." The realisation thatthe kids have opened their presents without her, upsets Sally(Come on, lass!! Wake up!! What do you expect?) and she ventsher frustration at Kevin "but we agreed they wouldn't opentheir presents 'til I got here." The explanation that thekids kept mithering cuts no ice with her, until Kevin points outshe had promised to be there first thing and it's now 9 o'clockand the kids have been out of bed for ages. She explains thatshe couldn't get to sleep until 6, but Kevin's response is thathe didn't know that - in any case, the girls couldn't wait. Whenhe makes out that he thought she had changed her mind about coming,this sets Sally off into a tirade. "As if I would!"She wonders why he is being so nasty, but his response is thathe doesn't see that, maybe she's the nasty one, after all, shehas had lessons from Greg Kelly, hasn't she? The kids come backinto the room to tell Sally that they have a present for her,as we get a taster of the nasty side of marital breakdown, wherethe youngsters are used as pawns in a game of one-upmanship.It's pressie time at the Battersby's too. Toyah openshers to find a computer game - she is disappointed, voicing herpreference for an encyclopaedia. Les cannot understand her reaction,after all "You wanna bit of fun, don't ya? That's the latestgame. All the rage. Cost a bomb" he tells her. She knowsthis, but would still have preferred an encyclopaedia, she replies."Give over! you wanna live a lickle. Give it here! I'll playwith it if you don't wannit." Janice has just opened herpressie and she is delighted - so is Les, "at last! Somebodywho likes her present." She recognises that it cost a bobor two and is even more surprised when Les insists that he boughtit, the days of getting stuff that have fallen off the back ofa lorry are long gone, he tells her. She's worth is he tells her,announcing that they are about to hit the big time. Toyah explainsthat this is the compensation money that Les has in mind. Hisbrain goes into overdrive as he envisages it coming to "halfa million, after what they put me through." Janice is concernedthat Les is spending the money they need to love on day-to-daymoney, but he doesn't share her fears. He turns to Greg, who hasbeen sitting quietly in a corner and tells him that he hasn'thad a chance of getting him a present, but when the "compocomes through, we'll go into business, you and me." Greglooks pleased at this, at least, I think he does. Janice asksGreg what he is doing - he tells her he is wrapping a presentfor Maxine. "Oh," replies Janice, "I thought youwere broke." "Well, I am, temporarily" says lover-boy,"but this, is an investment" - what a heart that guyhas!Alec is on the phone to the Police and it is clearthat he is getting nowhere fast. His raised voice is telling thesergeant that he pays his council tax, he is a friend of the ChiefConstable and he is entitled to some law and order. A knock onthe door temporarily diverts him from his mission - it is Betty.Somewhat irritated, he asks where her key is and she tells himthat it doesn't fit anymore because he has changed all the locks.He gets back to the job of trying to enlist police support bytelling the sergeant at the other end of the phone that he hassquatters on his premises, they have barricaded themselves in.Evidently, the police are not interested and Alec slams the phonedown. "That's marvellous", he says "see my solicitor."Meanwhile, Betty is standing alongside him, trying to take inwhat has been happening. When she asks whether he has had a break-in,his reply is "I've had the Duckworths, that's what I've had!And I've had them... up to here! They come back from Blackpool,rush upstairs and say they're not shifting." Betty pointsout there is no reason for them to do so, as they live here. "Was!Betty! Was! Until they pushed me too far! They're fired, Bettyand for very good reason. And if I find out who it was who tippedthem off, they'll be fired and all" replies Alec.At that stage, Vera's dulcet tomes come wafting downthe stairs. "Hey Gilroy, yer thieving article, what've youdone with our belongings?" Alec tells her that they are ina safe place, in storage and they can be collected once they havecome down and cleared off. "Oh and by the way, the policeare coming to get you out of there, with police dogs and teargas" he lies. Muttering "that'll sort her out"he goes to get the bar ready.Betty whispers to Vera that the police are not coming,they are not interested. Just then Alec comes back with a quickmessage "and another thing Betty, no fraternising with theDuckworths. Nobody is giving them aid or comfort in the way offood and drink. And if I find out who does, they'll be fired andall."Her delivery done, Judeh is about to be taken up tothe ward. She is anxious as to whether the behbehs need feedingbut the midwife assures her she will be told when that needs doing.She asks whether they have any names in mind. When Gareh tellsher that the names they had in min just don't seem right, themidwife suggests something Christmassy. "What? Like Noelor Carol or Rudolph? I don't think so" replies Gareh. "Norush, we've got them down as "Baby Mallett number one"and Baby Mallett number two" says the nurse. Gareh launchesinto a gushing speech of admiration to Judeh, telling her howwonderful she was, how proud he is, how he loves her very muchand how glad he is that he could be here for her, he didn't feeluseless, he will never forget tonight, not if he lives to be athousand. Predictably, Judeh has fallen asleep and missed everyword. Pah!! The midwife tells him to let her sleep, she has earnedit and that he ought to go home and get some sleep himself. Heagrees to do so, but doesn't think he'll be able to sleep, hefeels like celebrating. "Tell you what though? When Judybrings the twins home, you'll not get much sleep. Get it whileyou can" is her final piece of advice.At Ashley's place, Leanne and Nick are having a cosytête-à-tête - he is recalling last Christmas,with all the cloak and dagger stuff, and she is all lovey-doveyabout this being their first proper Christmas together. "So,"he says "do you want your present now or later?" Shedecides "I'll have it now and again later." They getup off the settee. She asks Ashley what the great smell is, comingfrom the kitchen. "Turkey and I'm doing the full monty"he replies. He has some news to share with them, Uncle Fred willbe joining them for Christmas dinner. Leanne reckons she's goingto need a few drinks before Fred gets here.Enter Les and Janice, full of season's greetings, especiallyLes. He tells them that Janice and he would like them to comeround to their house for Christmas dinner. Hot on their heels,enter Gail, asking the two lovebirds to reconsider, as well. Ooops!!Slightly uncomfortable scene, Platt vs. Battersby eyeing eachother up. Leanne makes it clear that they are not going to anyoneelse's house - they are staying right there for dinner.At the Rovers, the lunchtime shift, in the form ofNatalie and Lorraine are coming on duty, to join Betty. Afterthe exchange of Christmas greetings, Betty tells Natalie thatJack and Vera are still upstairs, barricaded in. Natalie expressesconcern that the way Alec is going about it, he will end up witha heart attack.As she goes off to have a word with Alec, Betty expressesthe wish that Lorraine is keeping an eye on Natalie, so soon afterher bereavement.As Natalie goes through to the back, we see Alec atthe foot of the stairs salivating "Onion gravy over the roastpotatoes, rashers of streaky bacon over the turkey breast, Christmaspudding and brandy sauce." He is trying to lure Jack andVera down, "call it bait if you like." He calls to Verathat he will stand them the finest feed if they come down. Natalieis horrified that the Duckworths are still upstairs not havinghad anything to eat. "They can eat all they like, once theyhave left my premises" proclaims Scrooge Gilroy. When Natalieasks if there is a chance of patching up the row, Alec is vehement- he has been provoked beyond mortal endurance by them, "thereisn't room in this pub for them and me" he yells up the stairs.Natalie tells Alec to calm down, he'll burst a blood vessel. Herecognises the wisdom of the advice and realises that "superiorcunning" is what will win the battle. "Vera", hecalls seductively, "think about a nice plump turkey, sizzlinghot, crammed with tasty stuffing."The idyllic scene is shattered by the raucous voiceof Vera, now at the top of the stairs, telling him "Yes,well you know what you can do with your stuffing."Vera goes back into the bedroom to tell Jack what shehas just said to Alec, "Here I told him what he can do, we'renot beat yet, love." "Well said, my little log-weedflower" is Jack's appreciative reply, "and we've gotnowt to eat, nowt to smoke, the only thing we've got to drinkis tap water!! But are we downhearted? You bet your flamin' life,we are!" Looking out of the window he sees Les Battersbyin the street.He opens the window and calls down to Les. He tellshim that Alec is trying to starve them out. "Have you gotany fags on you?" he asks. "Ooh, err, I don't know aboutthat, Jack" replies Les, with ciggie in his mouth. He relents,"it IS Christmas, innit" and chucks a packet up to Jack,"big-hearted Battersby, that's what they used to call meat school." With the exhortation not to let the beggars grindyou down, he sets off on his way, but before he can do so, heis joined by Ken Barlow, coming out of his house. "Oh I thoughtit was you when I heard the shouting" is his seasonal greetingto Les. "Look Barlow, it's Christmas! Right? So don't pushit! Jack and Vera are up there, trapped in their bedroom, no food,no nothing, trying to cling onto their own, while Gilroy starvesthem out."Audreh and Alf have arrived at the Platt's for Christmasdinner. Sarah Lou and David are outside greeting them and showingoff their presents. He has a new bike and she has roller blades.Audreh hugs and kisses them and enters the house.Inside, Gail and Martin greet Audreh - she asks themto give Alf a hand with her hamper. She is carrying large boxespresents herself. A medicinal gin and tonic is what she has inmind. Enter Martin with hamper, closely followed by Alf. Martinopens up the hamper and comments on the fancy contents, figs inbrandy, frogs legs.... Audrey tells them that it's a very goodhamper and is worth at least £150, according to Fred Elliott.Alf is irritated by Fred "he's got a nerve has that fella.Do you know, he tried to invite himself round for Christmas dinner,just because she's won the raffle. He seems to think she's obligated."Audrey cannot think why that should be so, maintaining that shehas never given him the slightest encouragement. LOL!!At the Rovers, Maud and Fred are at the bar. Maud isfull of the praises of Ashley, "who else would give a tossabout waifs and strays like us?" she asks. Fred doesn't seemto see himself as being in that category, he has had umpteen invitesthis Christmas, he has been in much demand, "but Ashley'sflesh and blood, you see. So when he asked me, well.... I couldn'tdisappoint the lad." Maud can see through Fred and tellshim "I daresay you'll end up believing all that..."McDonald father and son are having a drink together.Jim sees Vicky walk past and comments to his son about Steve'samazing ability to love and lose a lot of pretty wee girls. Steve'sriposte "well, I must obviously take after you, dad then,eh? Have you heard from mum lately" scores a bulls-eye.Vicky is telling Alec that the Duckworths are diggingin for a long siege. Alec is clearly unaware of what is goingon outside and rushes out to see for himself.Out in the street, the community spirit is in fullflow. There is a ladder outside, propped up against the Duckworths'bedroom window. A human chain has formed passing food up the lineto the Duckies, with Ken and Emily on the ground. Spider is atthe top of the ladder, passing bacon and eggs to Jack, much tothe Duckworths' appreciation. He tells them that their bird isn'tcooked yet, but when it is, they are more than welcome to hisshare. Vera is touched by the generosity of the neighbours. "That'swhat friends are for" shouts Ken to her, offering a bottleof wine and two glasses, which are passed up the ladder. Raspberrycrumble is Emily's contribution, much to Spider's disappointment,until Emily offers to make another one.Alec has come out into the street. He is livid buthis explanations are brushed aside by Emily. He sees them as trespassers,but Ken and Emily obviously don't view things the same way. "Theyare hungry, Alec" states Ken. "Yeah, call us 'Freedomfrom Hunger - Coronation Street branch'" proclaims Spider.Alec is annoyed because no-one knows his side of the story butEmily tells him that all they need to know is that the Jack andVera are hungry, "it IS Christmas, you know!" When Alectries to point out that Christmas has nothing to do with it, Emilyreminds him that he is saying what was expressed rather more memorablytwo thousand years ago "and there was no room for them atthe inn." "Cheers, Alec. Merry Christmas" is thecry from Jack. Yeah, many of 'em, you old goat!" is Vera'scontribution....... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the endof part 2After the ads, it's part 3The third part of the programme commences back in theStreet outside the Rovers. Gareh is telling Jack and Vera aboutthe birth of his children, a boy and a girl, 6 lbs. 8 oz and 6lbs. 4 oz. The news that Judeh is tired but OK and they haven'tthought of any names concludes the birth update. He suddenly wonderswhat Jack and Vera are doing upstairs and is given the low downon recent events.Sally is leaving Kevin's house and saying goodbye toher daughters. It is clear that all is not well. Kevin shoos thegirls back inside - always a prelude to embarrassing talk, notfor their ears. Sally seems to think that she was invited forChristmas dinner. Apparently not. He doesn't want the girls gettingtoo excited. He thinks it's best if she goes. Sally asks, forwhom? For the girls or for him? Kevin's reply is "for everyone."As he shuts the door behind her, Sally turns roundand sees Greg leaving the Battersbys' house, carrying a present.He crosses over the road and goes towards Maxine's.At the Kabin, Rita is on the phone to Mavis, just finishingher conversation. Sally's early entrance catches Rita by surpriseand Sally explains what has happened. She doesn't want to havea blazing row in front of the girls, what is she to do? Rita extendsthe invite to join her, Alec and Vicky for Christmas dinner andthis is gratefully appreciated. Sally mentions that she has justseen Greg - she is obviously perturbed by this. Rita tries topass it off as something inevitable, in any case, she understandsthat he is about to be thrown out of his flat by Fred Elliottfor rent arrears, so with a bit of luck, he'll be gone. Sallyexplains that Greg was on his way to Maxine's - he can be verypersuasive, she continues, she wonders whether she should saysomething to Maxine to warn her. Rita recognises the tricky natureof warning people but advises Sally that if she thinks it is theright thing to do, then she should go ahead - that is why shewarned the Duckworths about Alec's little plans.Gareh is wetting the babies' heads in the pub withJim and Steve McDonald. Jim recalls it only seems like yesterdaythat Steve and his brother were born, "and that was a lousyday, yesterday, wasn't it?" quips Steve. (My gawd, an amusingline from him???) Alec is serving the guys and is puzzled, Garehappears to have over-ordered - Gareh assures him the order iscorrect and, with the promise of an imminent return, he picksup the two spare drinks - they are for Jack and Vera, he explains,much to Alec's annoyance.Outside, Gareh climbs up the ladder and passes thedrinks to the Duckworths. Half a lager for Vera and a pint forJack, which are gratefully received. Alec rushes hotfoot afterGareh to tell him that drinks are only for consumption on thepremises. "Once they go back through that window again, theyare back on the premises again" is Gareh's reply. "Andnot a drop spilt" crows Jack. Les and Janice have come alongand wishing Jack and Vera a Merry Christmas, they hand over theirdonation, two turkey legs. "Oh? Legs? I like white meat,me" announces Vera. "Never mind luv, I'll eat hers"quips Jack, before Vera thanks her for her kindness. Janice addsthat there is also half a Christmas cake in the parcel, whichprompts Alec to announce how disgraceful it all is. Les tellsAlec to shut up and goes into his theory of the "redistributionof wealth" and with that, throws another 40 cigarettes upto the besieged. Gareh invites Les and Janice for a drink to celebratetheir new arrivals this morning at 6:40 and 7:35. As they disappear,we see Alec throwing a tantrum about how the siege won't lastand the novelty will wear off, folk will get fed up of feedingtwo parasites, just as he did.Inside the pub, Gareh buys drinks for Les and Janicebut not before Natalie claims a kiss from him.Alec is upset at what has happened and Vicky is tryingto appeal to his instincts by telling him that it's all trade,it goes in the till. It's a consoling thought, he says and thengoes on to tell her how glad he is to have her with him and howalone he often feels. "But you've got Rita" repliesVicky. "Aye, that's true" is Alec's response, but somehow,you feel that his heart is not in that statement.Deirdre's mother, Blanche, is having a drink with herdaughter and with Ken. She is engaging in the parental game ofslagging off your offspring. This kicks off with a putdown ofthe pub not getting any better - Ken looks on the bright side,at least it's not a theme pub. Blanche then shifts gear by mentioninghow a friend, Mrs Lockwood's daughter married a chap who has aCountry House Hotel, he buys her a new car every year. And herother daughter married a doctor, they have a lovely big house.Both Ken and Deirdre feel uncomfortable at the way Blanche istalking and Ken gets up to order some more drinks. Blanche comesto the point - Deirdre has married a good few times "butnever, what you would call, well." She supposes Ken was thenearest Deirdre came and that wasn't very close. (What is it aboutaged mothers that gives them the right to talk to their kids thisway? Trude's mum has her own style - the way she compliments Trudeon her smart appearance is done in such a backhanded way thatthe unspoken "for a change" shouts at you from afar!!)Deirdre's embarrassment continues as she is espiedby Jackie Dobbs. Scouse Slagette sees Dee with her mum and comesover to introduce herself. "Has she told you about sharingher cell with me in the nick together?" is her starter forten. "No, I haven't got round to that, yet" repliesthe discomforted Deirdre. "Oh, you'll wet yerself" continuesJackie and seeing Ken at the bar, goes off to scrounge a drinkoff him. "It's not just your husband, it's your friends.Oh, it must be nice to have a daughter you can swank about"is Blanche's cutting finale.Sally has come into the pub with Rita and orders thedrinks. Alec comes to the bar and Rita asks when he would likedinner to be served. As it is awkward talking openly in publicly,he asks her to come through to the back.As she does so, we see Greg having a drink with Maxine.In the back, Alec is explaining how the Duckworthsare squatting upstairs, having barricaded themselves in. He explainshis quandary, he cannot leave the pub with the Duckworths on thepremises - there is no telling what they might do, they coulddrink the bar dry, smash the place up. He cannot take the chanceand the problem is that half the idiots round here are on theirside. He tells Rita that somebody tipped them off and phoned Blackpool- he thinks it was Betty, in which case, as soon as he gets theDuckworths out, then she will get her cards as well. Rita hasmade a few unsuccessful attempts to tell him that she was responsiblefor the phone call and this time she gets her message across.Alec is totally astounded at Rita's revelation.Greg gets up to order more drinks and while he doesso, Sally takes the opportunity to come over and warn Maxine abouthim. Her words fall on deaf ears. Sally tells her that, quiteapart from being beaten by Greg on three separate occasions, hetook a lot of money off her. Maxine's reaction is that Sally islaying it on a bit thick, purely out of spite. Sally tells herthat Greg uses people and her guess is that he is going to tryto move in with her into the flat she is renting from Audrey Roberts.He owes Fred Elliott months of back rent - any day now, he isgoing to be evicted. Maxine still doesn't want to hear this andtells Sally to go away.In the back, the row between Rita and Alec is escalating.Alec is bitterly hurt at being stabbed in the back by Rita, ofall people. On the other hand, Rita is telling him that his treatmentof Jack and Vera was not right, it was underhand, mean and nasty.That is like a red rag to a bull for Alec - he doesn't see whyhe should have to put up with them, no matter how idle or awkwardthey are. Rita feels that he should be straight with them andthat escalates matters further. Alec tells her he confided inher as a partner, they were thinking of getting married, that'show he thought of them, he thought he could rely on her. He isdisgusted, he never thought he would be betrayed by her. He accusesher of never being on his side over anything - the gas that shenearly died of, obviously turned her brain, that's the kindestexplanation he can find. Rita's reply is even more hurtful whenshe says that, yes, it must have turned her brain to make herthink he could improve and be a half right decent person. Thatis the final straw for Alec and he asks her to leave his house,which she does without qualms. She wonders how she could havebothered with him in the first place. That won't be a problemin the future, he tells her, because as far as he is concernedthis is the end for them. "Fine! Fine!" is Rita's angryreply as she storms out.After she has gone, Vicky comes to see what has happened."I've had a lesson, Vicky" is his reply, "thankGod have I had a lesson, there's nobody around here worth givinga damn about! Nobody!!"That were a wonderful repast, Ashley, lad, Isay, it were wonderful! Congratulations!" That is Fred'sverdict on Ashley's Christmas dinner, a view echoed by Maud, Leanneand Nick.As the two young uns retire to the settee, Fred isinsistent that Ashley joins in the party spirit by putting onhis paper hat. Leanne notices a parcel under the cushion. Nicktries to take it from her, making out it's from his mum, but Leannehas opened it and sees a card. The words inside make her turn."To beautiful Nick. To keep the body warm and snug. Loveand kisses, Miranda." She is furious at this discovery. Nicklamely tries to say that he kept the present from her, becausehe knew she would get the wrong idea. "The right idea, youmean" replies Leanne. She accuses him of being more thana model and chastises herself for her stupidity at believing himwhile "all the time, you and her were at it! She's welcometo you and you can have her as well!" His protestations areto no avail, as she storms out of the house.Outside the Rovers, Emily is doing her "Mealson Wheels" bit (colloquially known as "Muck on a Truck")- home-made elderberry wine and mince pies. Jack has forgottengratitude and tells her that what is really essential now is ....atelly to get them through the long days, she hasn't by any chancegot a portable TV? "No, I have not." is her exasperatedreply. "Well, does us a favour. Have an ask around, luv"is Jack's request. Emily persuades Spider to come home with her,saying that they have earned their dinner, while Spider is stilltickled by the episode and leaves with the encouraging words "Nosurrender!! They shall not pass!!"In the street, we see Nick chasing after Leanne, butshe doesn't want to know and enters her parents house. She announcesto Toyah that she has finished with Nick. "Oh yeah? Again?"is the disinterested reply. Leanne insists that she means it,that Nick has a girl friend who is old enough to be his mother,she is not standing for it, she has left him. "Brilliant!I have to share me bedroom again" is Toyah's touching response.Wonderful stuff!!!In the Rovers, Greg has brought the drinks over toMaxine. He asks how she likes her new flat. "Bigger thanmine, if I remember rightly," he continues. "You know,we should have got together months ago, you and me. Still, noharm in making up for lost time..." Maxine gets the driftof the conversation "you mean, move in together?" Gregsuggests this would be a great idea, she could move in with him,better still, if her place is bigger, he could move in with her."You're not trying to whisk me off my feet are you?"she asks. "Yeah, don't fight it" is our resident smoothie'sresponse.Steve McDonald and Vicky are talking at the bar. Theconversation is somewhat strained. Steve is telling her how ironicit is, both of them running their own businesses. "Not inyour case, Steve. Well, you'd have to be your own boss. Nobodyin their right minds would have you working for them" isVicky's cutting response. Steve tries to bring some decency tothe conversation and Vicky apologises for her cheap jibe. Shetells him she had heard that he and Fiona had broken up, but heisn't interested in pursuing this line of conversation.Ashley and Fred have arrived in the Rovers and whileAshley is getting the drinks in, Fred sees Greg with Maxine. "You'vestill got the money for drinks, I notice. If he's paid for that,it's the rent he owes me that's paid for it. Think on! Out bynext Monday!"Greg tries to make light of this by telling Maxineto ignore Fred "the man's potty." However, the momentof realisation has finally struck Maxine. "Somebody toldme that you owed him a lot of money. And that you would try tomove in with me" she tells him. Greg plays dumb, but Maxinerealises she has finally heard the truth about him "you'rea scumbag, Greg and I always knew it, so you just stay away fromme!" He wants to know who has been sticking the knife in,but she doesn't want to know and flounces off.Upstairs, Jack and Vera have been hitting the elderberrywine. Like the wine, Vera is getting fruity. "Didn't Emilysay she got it off Mrs Latimer, Nightingale Terrace, right?"asks Jack, "there's no doubt about it, it's definitely hertom that comes prowling round my pigeons." As far as Verais concerned, it is better than nothing, putting her arm aroundhim. He offers her his share. She thanks him and remarks thatthe wine is turning her on, much to Jack's discomfort. "Whatthe hell did people do before television?" he asks, "Ican't stand it Vee." "Well, we'll just have to makeus own entertainment, won't we?" replies fruity Vee. "Fairenough! I spy with my little eye... " is Jack's quick thinkingresponse. Vera tells him she isn't interested in kids games, it'sadult games she has in mind. "So come here then" shewhispers. Poor Jack, he looks a worried man. "Do you knowwhen you speak to me like that, Vera, I get this sudden urge tosurrender" he tells her. This gets a great response fromVera. "Come here luv" she says. "Not to you!!!!To Alec 'Flaming' Gilroy!!!!" is Jack's ace line.Downstairs, Natalie comes over to Alec. She tells himhe looks deadbeat and she understands he will not be dining withRita after all. He tells her that they have had an almighty bust-up.Natalie tells him he is more than welcome to join her and Lorraine,over the road. He thanks her but declines as he is unable to leavethe premises now with the Duckworths loose. They have him trapped.It's not the Christmas he was hoping for. "No, me neither"is Natalie's wistful reply.Sally leaves the pub. A few seconds later, Greg getsup and goes after her. As she is walking down the street, shehears the pub door closing behind Greg. She turns round and seeshim outside the pub, coming towards her. She starts to run towardsRita's place. As she does so, Greg speeds up as well. Sally managesto open the door in time and shut it safely behind her. althoughshe is safely behind the door, she doesn't feel safe. The episodehas unnerved her. It doesn't help when Greg reaches the door andshouts inside that he knows she is there "I know you canhear me. We've got unfinished business haven't we? Well it canwait!" Sally breaks down into tears...........and with that.... it is the cue for music andcreditsEpisode written by John StevensonAll material is, and remains, copyright property ofITV Television. Well, how was it for me? A very enjoyable episode, very much in the mould of classic Corrie, with some pivotal moments, especially in the deterioration of various relationships, of which, more in a moment. Good gentle humour throughout the episode provided by Alec, Jack and Vera - I keep saying this, but I am really going to miss Roy Barraclough when he leaves the Street - a class comedy actor, brilliant timing, delivery and facial expressions. Jack and Vera too, have their moments and are a wonderful couple. Positives provided by the Malletts in terms of the birth of their twins. Great performance especially by Gary. The community spirit provided by the rallying neighbours in the form of Ken, Emily and Spider. Part One very much a positive uplifting experience. By the time we reached part three, the tone had changed dramatically and was far more dramatic. Turning to the negatives, the sad parts of marital breakdown demonstrated beautifully in the exchanges between Kevin and Sally - so often, children end up being in the middle of a tug of war game and this was evident here. Another relationship coming unstuck being that of Leanne and Nick - his reticence to be open providing great fodder for Leanne's unease and paranoia, when she discovers Miranda's present to Nick. The disintegration of Greg's life and the bitterness surrounding the people whom he has wronged was done well and executed with a lot of tension. Probably the most powerful acting from Rita and Alec, where their relationship looks like it has reached the point of no return... always a sad moment. Things said, once said, cannot be undone, even though they were said from the heart at the time. Great dialogue, wonderfully delivered. So, a bit of everything, humour and drama... a gripping episode, well written and well acted.
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, takecare...In the meantime, as it's the last Update of mine for1998, time to wish you... a Happy New Year.... Bonne Annee....Ein Glueckliches Neues Jahr.... Felice Anno Nuovo.... ProsperoAno Nuevo.... Szczesliwego Nowego Roku.... Stastny novy rok....Een Gelukkig Nieuw Jaar... onnellista uutta vuotta.... VeseleVianoceTubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in GloriousGlossop....Regards, AlanSunday 27 December
Hope you all enjoyed Christmas or whatever other festival took your fancy. We certainly did. So much so that it is now the 4th day of the New Year, and it has taken me this long to review this episode and put fingers to keyboard. [Still, at least I finally got my Christmas pressie in the January sales today !] This update will be brief, as the next Sunday show is already stacked up on the video tape and demanding attention (plus some of those other sadd^h^h^h^h splendid writers have already overtaken me). So, without further ado, let's look briefly at what happened immediately after Christmas Day, down Coronation Street...
Act 1
The unedifying spectacle of the Duckworths, slumbering under theduvet, greets us today like an unwelcome hangover. Jack sneezesin his sleep, and wakes Vera, much to her disgust. Apparently,she was dreaming of being entertained by the Queen ! [A hint ata long-running storyline whereby Vera believes herself distantlyrelated to the Royal Family, in case you're confused.] She wakesJack to appraise him of her feelings, and they both notice howcold it is in the bedroom. Although the heating should be on,the radiator is stone cold. Jack realises that Alec is probablyresponsible - the heating in the pub itself can be left on, whilethe living quarters remain chilly.Rita and Sally are having an early morning brew, andsharing stories of their disastrous involvements with, respectively,Alec and Greg. Sally was frightened by Greg's thinly-veiled threats,but is reluctant to go to the police as it is her word againsthis, and it might only serve to inflame the situation. Rita, forher part, feels that too much was said between her and Alec forthere to be any chance of a reconciliation. Sally asks if sheis prepared to let it all slip away, but Rita thinks it's up toAlec to decide.No sooner is his name mentioned than the chubby littlegnome is to be seen in the sitting room of the Rovers, warminghis hands by an electric fire, with Vicky. She remarks there arecheaper ways of heating the place, but Alec feels it is moneywell-spent if it serves its purpose of removing Jack and Vera.Natalie arrives and notices the cold, too. She is not long incoming to the right conclusion about exactly why the heating isoff, and accuses Alec of being childish. Perhaps it is time hetook a holiday ? Aye, a permanent one would suit, replies Alec.[Pay attention here !]Over in the corner shop, Greg is trying to get a pintof milk on tick. Ashley refers him to Uncle Fred, who's havingnone of it at all. Not only does he want 38p for the milk, hedemands the two months rent that Greg owes him. Greg tries tobluff his way out by saying it's a Sunday, and the banks are shut,but Fred is immovable. [One might wonder how it is that Greg hasthe money to get plastered in the Rovers most evenings, yet bestrangely short of a mere 38p, but of course this wouldn't serveto advance the plot, would it ?]Jack and Vera are having a hard time staying warm.He is pacing the bedroom, swinging his arms about, while Verais huddled under the duvet, wrapped around her like a tent. Sheoffers to let him in too, but Jack refuses. He remembers his pigeons,which haven't been fed since they went off to Blackpool, and opensthe window to see if anyone is about. He finds Tyrone walkingby, and persuades him to give the birds some food, for a quid.As he heads off round the back, Janice spots the Duckworths upat the window and greets them. Vera asks if she might spare asandwich or two, as they've no food. Janice says it's hard enoughfeeding her own family, what with Leanne back at the moment. Shedoes offer to bring round some dirty dishes though, if they'vegot some time to wash up... [The season of goodwill is *very*shortlived in Weatherfield.]Tyrone throws some bird food into cages for the pigeons,and spots several bin bags lying in the yard. Opening one, hewinces at the sight of some red lacy underwear [one of Vera's"numbers", by the look of it] but is more attractedby Jack's camel coat, which he makes off with.Fred and a rather burly accomplice find Greg in thecafe, eating breakfast. [Much more than 38p, and I can't see Roygiving credit easily.] Fred demands his money, or the keys tothe flat, by mid-day. Or he might have to take some less reasonablemeasures, looking at his friend, a slaughterman apparently. Asthey leave, Greg's appetite seems to desert him.Janice is explaining to the rest of her family whyshe was so upset at Nick's modelling, not so much the nudity asthe fact that the teacher seemed to be taking too much interestin her husband. Les is his predictably boorish self, first atNick "flashing", as he put it, and then angered at thethought of his son-in-law messing about with another woman. Hemakes to head across the road to administer some justice, in hisview, but is advised not to. "You're a fine one to talk",says Janice. In another tangential rant, he decides it must beMartin's fault, not being his real Dad and all that, and completelymisses the withering sarcasm in Toyah's voice as she appears toagree with him about how terrible *that* is. The doorbell ringsat this point, and Les opens the door to find a homeless Greg,bags in hand, begging for a place to stay. Les lets him in.Gail arrives in the cafe, to find Roy cleaning up afew dishes after a quiet morning's trade. Before he heads offto the Rovers to meet Hayley, he reminds Gail that he still needsto know what she has decided to do about the business. Gail revealsthat she and Martin have decided that in view of their own problems,it'd be best if she sold up. Roy tells her he'd been rather afraidthat this would be her answer, but that it doesn't really makeit any the easier for him. "You've dropped me in it now",is his tetchy response.Intermission
And from bad to worse at this time of year - loads and loads ofadverts for sales, furniture clearouts, and holidays. Some therapyfor my credit cards would be welcome !Act 2
Our first view of the much-expanded Mallett family this evening,down at the maternity ward where we find Gary taking Polaroidsof Judy and the twins. In comes Jim Macdonald, who wishes themall the best and gives Gary a gift of a few pounds to start thebabies off with. Gary is very grateful for this simple offering,and Judy explains how they're still trying to think of names forthe twins, so far they've come up with Sonny and Cher, and Adamand Eve ! But they *did* win the first-baby-on-Christmas-Day competition,so they should be getting loads of stuff very soon. Everyone smiles.[A nice little scene that could so easily have ended up on thecutting-room floor, but which was so much better left in. Onlyon the second watching did I remember that Jim's sons, Andy andSteve, were twins as well. Aaaahh !]Fred and Alec are on opposite sides of the bar, observinghow the sit-in upstairs is like the siege of Leningrad. "Andlook how that ended !", says Fred. He's full of life nowthat Greg has moved out, and offers the services of his "friend"to Alec. Alec thinks that'll not be necessary in this case. Tocheer him further, Fred points out that Alec has lost out in theromantic stakes too, and Alec seems indecisive about whether thereis any chance of him and Rita getting back on speaking terms,but Fred says he's best shut of her, and should make a clean break.[By heck, there's plenty of signs about Alec's future about, Isaid, there's plenty of signs.]Sally arrives, and spots Maxine at a table. She tellsher to advise her boyfriend to stay away, but obviously hasn'theard that Maxine has dumped Greg. "You'd better pray youdon't find yourself in the same boat as me !", says Sally,to Maxine's obvious discomfort.Elsewhere, Hayley has arrived and presents Roy witha tin of shortbread from her aunt. Roy is worried about how thingsare working out at the cafe, and whether he can go ahead on hisown. "You're not on your own", Hayley points out, "you'vegot me !". This cheers Roy greatly, perhaps more so thanit should have.Outside, Jackie sees Tyrone showing Jack's coat toa passer-by. She demands to know where it has come from, and,not happy with his answer, tells him to "bin it" assoon as he can. No sooner said than done, as Les appears and copsa bargain in the offing. Tyrone tells him the coat belonged tohis dead uncle. Les offers him a fiver for it, and walks off lookingvery pleased with himself.Roy returns to the cafe, to find Gail in a conciliatorymood. She apologises for making things awkward for him. That'salright, he explains, he has a new partner. Hayley. Not knowingwhen to stop, he then goes on to say how he'd felt that he andGail hadn't been, well, singing from the same songsheet of lateand perhaps it is all for the best. Gail looks rather peeved.Elsewhere in the cafe, the truly wonderful Blanche is having acuppa with Deirdre. It's not long before Blanche observes howRoy could've been a good catch for her daughter, "yes, Ican just see you standing behind the counter in an apron",she notes. "You always pick the wrong 'uns", she addshelpfully. "Explain it to me again, Mother, I'd love to know!", says Deirdre. [I'm loving this. It's good, isn't it ?]Deirdre points out that, sadly for her Mum's plans, Roy is alreadyliving with his girlfriend. Who is, how shall she put it, oneof those who has "crossed over". Blanche completelymisses this and says that Deirdre has already married someonefrom abroad ! Deirdre shakes her head.Sally is asleep on Rita's settee. [Probably lack ofenergy from baked bean deprivation.] She wakes up to a muffledscratching sound, which stops when she tries to work out whereit's coming from.Outside the Rovers, Ashley has come to Jack and Vera'srescue, with a fish and chip supper and a ladder to deliver thefood to the upstairs window. Given the confined space they areliving in, it's not clear that the side order of pickled eggsis all that wise, but perhaps they are planning some retaliatorystrike on Alec ! Les walks past, and tells them they'd be niceand warm if they had a decent coat on, like his. Jack is immediatelysuspicious and demands to know where Les got it from. He thinksAlec must be selling their belongings. Les denies everything,but after they go back inside, he looks inside one pocket andspots a tear in the lining, as Jack pointed out. He appears aboutas contrite as he ever gets, in similar circumstances.Sally, fully awake by now, is chopping veg in Rita'skitchen when Rita returns home. She's been thinking things overall day, and has decided maybe she was a bit hasty in blowingAlec out of the water. Sally suggests perhaps Rita should popnext door and talk to him. "I think he's in", she says,"I heard some noises earlier". Rita opens the connectingdoor to find that Alec has boarded up the doorway on his side,and she's furious about it.We're far enough into the program not to be shockedby the sudden appearance of Steve, looking as well as ever forthe undead, who is swapping barbed comments with Vicky in theRovers. He suggests she must have had a very boring Christmaswith Alec. Well, at least he cares about her, and hasn't let herdown, is her reply. [Now here was a little exchange that didn'tdo anything at all for me. Compare and contrast with the earliervisit to the maternity ward.] Over at the bar, Les is trying toconsole Greg, to little avail. Collecting his order, he chidesAlec for serving short measures and tells him that's how to losecustomers. "There's an idea", muses Alec. Not finishedyet, Les opines that Alec is always shafting people. [Les is oneof life's little thorns, someone who looks in a mirror and seesCary Grant looking back at him when the rest of the world sees,well, Les Battersby.] A very short scene next with Roy and Hayley,where Roy explains how he had told Gail about his new partnershipand Hayley tells him that's not what she'd meant at all. She'llbe there for him, but she's no intention of giving up her joband going into business with him. Roy looks vexed, as ever.Natalie is having a break in the Rovers' sitting room,when Alec comes in and says he's just about had enough of thelikes of Les Battersby. Natalie says it comes with the territory,but perhaps it's time Alec took a holiday. "Never mind aholiday", says Alec, "if someone made me an offer rightnow, I'd be tempted to sell up and leave". "Maybe I'llbuy it", says Natalie quietly. Alec looks as if he thinksshe's joking at first, then realises she's not - she's perfectlyserious. [Remember, you read it here first...]This episode was written by Martin Allen. Well, some good stuff and some duff stuff tonight, but overall another sound episode with a few plots moving to their inevitable conclusions (Alec and Rita), and a few taking a bit of twist along the way (Roy and Hayley). Tired though we are of Sally and Greg, it does appear as if something's going to happen soon in that department.
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ***1/2John LairdMonday 28 December
Hiya! :) Right, I'm trying to get back on time with the Update Deliveries after last week's late one, so rather than rambling about my Christmas (the gruelling details of which would most likely send you to sleep anyway!) I'll just hope you all had a good holiday, wish you all the *very* best for 1999 and cut straight to the chase... This week's Monday episode of Corrie which, in all fairness, was rather darn *good*! So let's a take a peek down the Nation's favourite Street and see what's going on:
The show opens, early morning in the Chateau Batteau.New lodger Gruesome Greg is trying to talk business on the 'phoneto one of his contacts but is finding it rather hard to concentratesince, all around him, The Battersby's are being their usual selves:Janice offers Leanne some breakfast which sparks envy from Toyahwho wonders aloud "How come *she* gets waited on hand andfoot?" while Leanne herself moans to anyone in earshot thatshe can't believe Nick hasn't come 'round to apologise to her.Suddenly, the television springs to life and it's some kind offrightfully loud children's TV programme with lots of brighlycoloured monsters jumping up and down and screaming (I think Isaw Tracy Shaw in there somewhere!), none of which helps Gregconcentrate on his business call. As Janice tells Leanne to bewary of Nick since, although he's technically a Tilsley, he'sstill a "Platt in sheep's clothing" (ROFL!), Greg slamsthe 'phone down and yells "CAN YOU LOT SHUT UP THIS FLAMIN'RACKET? It's like trying to work in a flamin' monkey house!",prompting the wonderfully scripted riposte "Yeah, well maybeyou'd feel more at home in a SNAKE PIT!" from the WarriorPrincess. Blandford shouts some more then storms out.Cut now to the Cafe where Sir Royston of Cropper ischalking the specials onto the blackboard. Lady Hayley of Pattersonappears from upstairs and prepares to depart for work when *gasp*Roy makes a sarcastic comment! (His first ever?)"Off to Mister Baldwin's Palace Of Fun, are we?"he jibes, "The Underworld Of Delight?? I can only assumethat there must be *something* magical about that factory as you'dsooner work there with Baldwin than side by side here with me"...This remarkably uncharacteristic display shows just how hurt heis by Hayley's decision to stay on at the factory rather thanhelp him with his New Cafe, so she tries to explain her motivestelling him that although they are "Soulmates, and destinedto share all life experiences together", working in the Cafetogether just wouldn't be right. After all, she adds, "ifwe were under each other's feet all day, what would we have totalk about when we were curled up at night in the flat?"before making puppy-dog eyes at him, saying "Besides... Iwouldn't want to lose me favourite part of the day... Coming hometo you" and giving him a little kiss. (Altogether now...One huge AWWWW! :) What an utterly, *utterly* charming scene!)A vastly more unpleasant sight follows as Vera Duckworth,looking a bit worse for wear, pops her head out from behind theupstairs barricade and whispers harshly to a passing Natalie "Pssstt!!You couldn't get us some food or summit could you? Our Jack'sstomach's starting to sound like the Weatherfield Brass Band tuningup!"... Natalie agrees to fetch some sandwiches, just asAlec arrives and, after exchanging some unpleasantries with Vee,takes Mrs Barnes into the back room to discuss the possible saleof the Rovers. She is very enthusiastic and, upon mentioning thematter of the sale price, points out to Alec that "sinceJack and Vera are legally sitting tenants, that'll have to bereflected in the price. Quite considerably, I'd say!"...His face turns into a paper-white mask of terror as he realisesthe extent of his Duckworth- related problems.Meanwhile, upstairs, Jack is preoccupying himself bystaring out of the window, huffing and puffing. Vera enters andasks "What are you looking at out that window? Eh, I see...Some dolly bird with a chest like a sackful of water melons?"but, unless that description fits Les Battersby, she's incorrectin her judgement. Jack is fuming that Les is walking around inhis favourite camel coat and reckons that Alec has probably soldall of their clothes to the jumble. "Les Battersby's wearingMY coat!" he screams, "Now he's found me flamin' scarf!And next Kevin Webster'll be using your old knickers for oilyrags!" (ROFL! - Yet *ANOTHER* superb line! Although I personallybelieve "If You Tolerate This, Your Old Knickers Will BeNext" may have worked better ;))))... Incidentally... anamusing scene though that may have been, if you expect me to believethat Jack and Vera, of all people, have been *alone* in the upstairsof the Rovers with *NO* source of entertainment, besides lookingout of the window, for 4 - 5 days, you've got another thing coming.The plausibility angle is down the chute on this one!Meanwhile, outside, Rita catches Alec outside the Kabinand tries to get his attention. At first he ignores her untilit becomes impossible to do so, at which point he smiles an insincere"Hello Rita" and makes the excuse that he "wasmiles away". She wants to know what he's "playing at"by blocking up the door with all that boarding, asking "Whatdid you think, I'd be in there as soon as I could taking a pairof scissors to your shirts and underpants?"... He tells herhe thought it would be what she wanted, since "all reasonfor having that door there in the first place has gone up in smoke".She accepts this and tells him coldly that "the sooner it'sdone with bricks and mortar, the better", before walkingaway. However, the looks on both of their faces indicate thatthey know a major mistake is being made.The Mighty Fred Elliot spots Blandford strolling downCoronation Street and collars him for some rent. Bogface getsall snotty about it, assuming that since he's been evicted from"that rat's nest of a flat" he shouldn't have to giveFred any of the owed back-pay (!) but the Burly Butcher is adamantthat, should he not be paid, he'll take it to court. "There'soutstanding rent owed and I mean to have satisfaction!" bellowsFred but Greg tells him there's "fat chance of getting itfrom me" (I'm sure Maxine and Sally could testify to this!)...A nearby Kevin Webster shouts "You won't get any money outof this one, Fred. Not until he finds another poor cow to stickhis fangs into" and, needless to say, Bogface sees red andjumps for the Manic Mechanic. As Fred tries to pull the two apart,the war of words escalates, Kevin screaming "You didn't evenwant her! You just wanted her money and to use her for a punchbag!"and Greg responding, smarmily, "Yeah, but it was me she wantedto be with, wasn't it?"... *SMACK!* Kevin leaps for Blandfordand, as Fred once more seperates the two of them, Mike Baldwinthrows his two pence in, from the other side of the road: "Youwouldn't stand a chance in a fair fight would you, Kelly? Theonly thing you know about's cheating!" ... Sally is watchingall of this from behind the curtains in Rita's flat, with an expressionon her face that is probably supposed to signify horror but looksmore as if she's accidentally slipped some bad acid into her bakedbeans. A shame because, that final laughable facial expressionaside, it was actually a good scene all round!In the cafe, Roy accidentally spills some salt andgoes to throw it over his shoulder (Spooky, I thought I was theonly person who still did this!), remarking to Gail that althoughhe never considered himself to be a superstitious man, "somethingprimieval" takes over when he spills salt and he is compelledto react. Gail, who is busy spreading the butter with a tiny bitof toast, seems disinterested and a bit grumpy as per usual (Although,anyone who has downloaded the video clip of the Corrie cast'scover of "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" willrealise that really she's just a weeeee little Christmas pixieat heart! ;)))) so Roy, always the concerned gent, asks what'sup. She is worried about finding another job once she has soldher share of the caff and asks Sir R, hintingly, if he has "anybright ideas". The hint goes over his head like Concordeand he stutters "No... No, I don't... Sorry"...At the back of the Rovers, Alec tries to 'charm' theDuckies downstairs, requesting a "Pow wow" but Jackbarks that "If you're thinking of passing round the pipeof peace, don't expect me to be taking a drag until you can tellme why Les Battersby is wearing MY COAT!"... Alec, of course,has no clue what the Delirious Duckworth is takling about andis working on his next nefarious scheme. He offers the pair onethousand pounds in cash to come down the stairs (ooh, you sneakyb*gg*r!)... Vera tells him to take a run and jump, but the lookon Jack's face reveals temptation.Across at the factory, all the girls are hard at workexcept Janice, who is bemoaning the working conditions at TheUnderworld Of Delight (New nickname alert! Courtesy of Roy Cropper!).Deidre jokes that the working conditions are just fine, "apartfrom you, Janice" but this doesn't stop the Warrior Princess'tirade, as she continues to object to the fact that there isn'ta tea-lady in the factory to bring round drinks. Linda Sykes (*BOOOOO**HISSSSSSSS*) offers to make some tea (Would you accept a drinkfrom this woman!?) but apparently it's someone called Alison's(new girl?) turn to do it. Alison is stopped in her tracks, however,by the overwhelming generousity (shurely shome mishtake?) of JackieDobbs, who *insists* on brewing up for everyone, claiming "I'vegot to earn me spurs, haven't I?"... Of course, there's ahidden agenda here since, as Scary Scouse makes for the kettle,she snatches a *huge* pile of knickers from a basket and, brazen-as-u-like,stuffs them into her coat pocket! Unfortunately for her, she'sbusted by Baldwin who instantly sacks her and then *gasp* ordersJanice to call the police! (Incidentally, for the sad music anoraksamongst us, "Special" by Garbage is playing in the backgroundand, if you're familiar with the lyrics, you'll realise it's quiteappropriate!)END OF PART ONE
The commercial break! YES! It's that *brilliant* Yellow Pagesadvert with the bloke who needs a cleaner! One of the six or sevendecent ads I've seen this year, I must say. Unfortunately therest of the break can't compete, with it's "Furniture SaleNOW ON!" sloganeering and, worse than all of that, the TINYPC adverts that just make me shudder (almost as much as the shopitself, but not quite)!But of course, all the above paragraph does is makeme wonder why I actually bother to update the commercial breaks...PART TWO
Jim and Gareh stand at the bar, chatting to Natalie about theDuckworths. Jim, in an act of borderline-self-parody, remarksthat "they're giving Sandy a wee run for his money, so theyare!"... Alec, however, is convinced he's found "a chinkin their armour", as we cut across the bar to where Martinand Gail are standing, discussing what to buy for Nicky's birthday(I've told you once and I'll tell you again... Get the lad a bloodypersonality!!!). Martin is concerned about current cashflow inPlattingham Palace but Gail insists that, while "there'sno need to hire the Spice Girls to do the music", they arenot going to cut corners. Blandford, who is standing in a corner,stares evilllllllly as Sally and Emily enter the pub, making forthe bar. Emily has made matching little pink and blue bootiesfor Gareh (err, not actually for Gareh himself, you understand,for the babies of course) and hands them to him, merrily (Awwww)as Blandford starts leering at Sally. "You've been twistingthe knife haven't you?" he grunts, in that neanderthal wayof his, "Enjoying watching me squirm?" but Gary, everthe diplomat, tells him politely to bog off... Which, thankfully,he does.Deidre, meanwhile, is begging Mike Baldwin, in hisoffice, not to call the police on Jackie. She says it's fine tosack her but that getting the fuzz involved is unwarranted. Obviously,Baldwin's having none of this ("What is this? Old Cons Reunion??"- Ouch!) but D explains that she feels she *owes* Jackie somethingafter what happened inside (Personally, I think she's alreadypaid her back somewhat!) and reasons that, having sacked the woman,calling the police really won't do any further good. Baldwin sighsand reluctantly agrees, as long as Rent-A-Scouse is off of hispremises for good within 30 seconds.Back at the Rovers, Natalie brings sandwiches and aThermos for the Duckworths and pushes them swiftly up the stairs.Vera is appreciative but tells her that it probably won't be longbefore they'll be coming down the stairs, informing her of Alec'sdecision to offer them a grand for the pleasure of doing so. Natalie,obviously, realises exactly what the Greedy Gilroy is up to andgives Vee a pep-talk, telling her not to come down no matter what!"You can't give up now, if Alec's offering you money he mustbe getting desperate!" she reasons and then recommends that,if they stay there a few more days (!!!), "you never knowwhat might happen"! As I said earlier... Implausibility?Meet window! *wheeee*It's tea time at Le Chateau Batteau and Janice is,of course, telling everyone about the earlier excitement at Underworldand the firing of Jackie Dobbs. Les, predictably, stands up forScary Scouse and claims, rather boorishly, that Baldwin's dismissalborders on "harrassment" (!). Toyah asks if the policewere brought in and when Janice explains that they would havebeen were it not for Deidre, adding with a wink "I thinkthat her and that Jackie got *pretty pal-y* in that prison cell",Toyah looks utterly disgusted at the mere thought. "I supposeI'd better set aside a plate for Greg", murmurs Janice, changingthe subject, "In case he decides to show his ugly mug"and just then there's a knock at the door! It's an even ugliermug, though! Nicky Tilsley, The Camp Crusader! He's come to seeLeanne who, at present, has a face like an upside down banana.Unfortunately for her (fortunately for the rest of us who findhim intolerably annoying), he can't even get a word in edgewaysbefore being bombarded with abuse from Janice and Les (Yay!),the latter of whom grabs Whoopsie Boy quite forcefully and ejectshim from the premises, howling "NO DAUGHTER OF MINE IS LIVINGWITH A DIRTY FLAMIN' STRIPPER!" as he boots him out the door.Wa-hey! Leanne, however, looks somewhat upset by the whole thingand something tells me that before too long she'll be runningback to The Camp Crusader, yet again.[Warning! Incoming busy pub scene!] Back in the Rovers,as Googly Eyes MacDonald buys Vicky Gilroy a drink, Alma entersthe pub and approaches Mike at the bar. He tells her to have alarge vodka and tonic because they're celebrating. Why? Becausehe just fired Jackie Dobbs, of course! Alma is over the moon atthis news, assuming that Mike did it for *her* benefit, blissfullyuninformed of the knicker nicking incident. As she hugs and kissesher husband, he grins "Your wish... is my command!",the little toerag! Back at the other end of the bar, Googly Eyesis making suggestive small-talk with Vicky. It's pretty obvioushe's only got one thing on his mind when he starts talking abouthis misfortunes with Fiona and trying to get the sympathy votein exchange for a one-night-stand. "I've learnt not to takepeople forgranted", he murmurs as the camera cuts to *behind*the bar where Alec is not best pleased at what he sees. "Lookat him, Steve MacDonald", he moans to a nearby Betty, "He'slike a snake... Hypnotising her before he goes in for the kill...Again!" but Betty thinks Vicky "has a good head on hershoulders" and will look after herself just fine. Alec isn'tso sure of this, however, and mentions about how worried he isabout her throwing all her money away to "this chef who lostevery penny he had the first time round", referring of courseto her slightly dubious Cafe Bar plans. Cut back to Steve now,who slyly suggests that he and Vicky go for a meal someplace toget away from the Gilroy Glare (TM) coming from behind the bar.She, surprisingly agrees, then delivers a killer riposte, "Sure,you can tell me about your business and how well it's going...And when you'll be able to pay me back that fifteen thousand thatyou owe me... Well, seeing as you're not taking people forgrantedanymore...", which unsurprisingly makes Googly Eyes losehis appetite and leave sharpish. Heh heh and indeed heh. Yet moresnappy dialogue.Meanwhile, it's closing time at the Cafe and Hayley(wearing the scarf Roy gave her for Christmas... awwww!) rushesin to talk to Gail before Roy gets back (not sure where he's gonetho, maybe the Cash N Carry?). She has an offer to make. She wantsGail to carry on working at the new Cafe with Roy since, beingfrank about it, she isn't sure Sir R would be able to cope onhis own. Gail beams widely and happily agrees to this offer ofcontinued employment. (You know, having seen that aforementionedmusic video clip ("Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life"),I am no longer able to look at Gail without seeing Helen Worthdressed as a wee little Christmas Pixie... I'm thinking maybeI should seek help?)Back at the Rovers, Scary Scouse enters and tries tobuy a drink for Mike and Alma. Mike declines, which leads Jackieto thank him profusely for not calling the police on her earlierwhen he caught her nicking the knickers. With the truth now outabout Rent-A-Scouse's dismissal, Alma gives Mike a filthy look...As we cut to *DRUMROLL* BLANCHE HUNT, Mother Of Deidre, sittingwith her beloved offspring! (Yes! This woman is utterly brilliant!I vote right here and now that they cease this endless bringingher into the show every now and then and keep her on permanently.The woman is an absolute star!)Blanche: (In that way that only a Mother can... Outof the blue, of course) "You never did have much taste inmen did you?" Deidre: (Taken aback, slightly) "Wheredid that little gem of wisdom come from?" Blanche: "MikeBaldwin. He were another bad'un. If you hadn't got involved withhim, I daresay you'd never have broken up with Ken. *HE* was theonly decent man you've ever known!" Deidre: "*HE* wentoff with another woman, in case you'd forgot!" Blanche: (Staringat Mike) "He probably wouldn't've, if it hadn't have beenfor *HIM*!"Just then, a subdued Jackie Dobbs walks over to thetable to thank Deidre for her help earlier on. "Now I oweyou one", she says but Deidre thinks it's time to stop withthe favours and points out that it's probably best if Jackie keepsher distance altogether. Rent-A-Scouse agrees, quietly and wandersoff into a corner.Blandford is, literally, propping himself up againstthe bar as he orders another pint of ale. Behind him, Sir Roystonand Lady Hayley discuss business over fruit juice. Hayley, everthe brains behind the duo, suggests that rather than actuallyworking side by side with Roy, how about she just plays the partof an 'investor' by buying Gail's share of the Caff with her inheritancemoney? "Like a sleeping partner?" asks Roy... "Well,in every sense, I suppose" is Hayley's cute response (aww)and Roy sees the logic in this plan! He's even happier when shetells him that she's persuaded Gail to stay on and work with Royon the more active side of running the Cafe! "You know",he says, grinning widely, "With your business brain, therecould be a Roy's Rolls in every town in the UK before long!"(Now there's a thought!) ... Just then, in front of them, Blandfordspills his pint all over the place and slurs "I'll 'ave another"several times (I think it was George Middleton who pointed outrecently on RATUCS that one sign of an actor who knows his tradeis being able to play a drunk. By these criteria I think we canprove once and for all that Bogface Billington couldn't act hisway out of a paper bag!) while a nearby Baldwin mocks him... "I'lltell you what your problem is, Kelly", he chuckles, "Youcan't hold your booze! Can't hold onto your booze, your businessor the money that you swindle out of young mums! You know what?You want to latch on to that Dobbs woman... the only problem is...*she* might hit you back!" (Wow! What a wonderfully *fantastic*line!!!) - Gruesome Greg stalks out of the pub and stares up atthe light in Rita's flat.In the back room of the Rovers, Alec talks to Vickyabout the future. He is worried that she might be making a mistakeby setting up with this 'Giles' fellow, explains that he's sellingthe Rovers to Natalie and then suggests that he goes down Southwith Vicky and helps her set her own cafe bar up. She is ecstaticat the idea and gives her Granddad a big teletubbie hug!Across at Big Red's Flat, the telephone rings. Oh no,who could it be? Well, the fact that the usual "Hello"is exchanged for "BITCH!" signifies it could well beeither Greg Kelly or perhaps a stray member of the Wu- Tang Clan,lost in Manchester. Obviously, it's Greg and he tells her downthe line that she hasn't seen the last of him, that he hasn'tfinished yet and that she won't see him coming amongst other B-MovieCliches... Simpering Sally does her best to look terrified asshe slams the phone down, whimpering! The credits roll. So, there you have it. Another Monday Episode out of the way and another one by (to use the exact same phrase I used just over a month ago) "the increasingly excellent Phil Ford". Some priceless bits of dialogue help enliven the whole show and almost put aside the silliness of certain storylines (The Duckies one for example...). The only low point really is that this Greg and Sally story just keeps going ON and ON and ON... Please end now. It must be one of the most ridiculous and badly played plotlines of the year. But aside from that, there was much to enjoy. Maggie Jones as Blanche Hunt is priceless and a treat to behold. The usual suspects (Roy, Hayley, Leanne, Toyah, Janice) all put in the expected top-notch performances, the script was finely honed and obviously prepared with some care and it was nice to see both Jackie *and* Greg get their comeuppance all in the space of one episode! Not to mention the fact that watching Adam Rickitt being forcefully ejected from anywhere (preferrably a loaded cannon) is always good fun! :)
So 'til next time (and indeed next year!)... Take care!Happy New Year one and all!This Update was sponsored by Cobalt60 (What I was listening to) and Stella Artois (What I was drinking...)The RattlerWednesday 30 December
Written by JohnLaird; The Rattler;Ruth Carey & Rosalind Mitchell; Alan Milewczyk | | |  | |
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